Jeni26

Ok, it's probably nothing but.....
My husband came to bed with me last night but when I woke at 1 a.m, he was missing, sitting on his own downstairs.
This morning he is in a deep sleep and I may be mistaken, but there is a smell of alcohol in the room...it hasn't been there for a few weeks and it's enough to turn my stomach. He's working a late shift tonight, so hasn't got to get up.lucky because he is pretty comatose!
I'm torn between checking through the recycling bin looking for empty cans or bottles, and wanting to pretend these suspicions are just in my mind. My heart is racing.
He and I were doing this together....I just don't want to believe its stopped working already..,..

epskie

Oh Jen :-( Ok it could only be two things - he did or he didn't. Go and check and put your mind at rest; if he didn't have a drink then great and if he did then you know about it and you can help him with this relapse.
Please don't get down about it though, it's very early days and remember what your friends told you on here - its not the end of the world, he can always start again.
Love and hugs my friend xx

artsoul

Since you're supposedly doing this together, what about just sharing with him what you just shared with us? If he did drink, he's probably feeling a lot of guilt and doesn't want to bring it up, but he might be relieved to talk about it if he senses that you already know. If he didn't drink, he should understand how the possibility might worry you and that you need some reassurance.

Easy for me to tell you what to do, though (!)....so take your own counsel above all else. Prayers are with you and your husband ....:ghug3

Michael66

Hi Jen,

I'm now 8 weeks sober but I frequently go off at night to read as my body still hasn't lean to sleep sober. I'm then in a very deep sleep in the morning and can sleep through the alarm. You have been sober longer than me (I know there was that one day) so you're probably much better adjusted to lack of alcohol than your husband.

That's just another possibility. But perhaps its best to find a way of sharing your worry with your husba.

Jeni26

Thanks. As a chronic over-thinker I'm now running through every possible scenario and outcome in my mind.
I'm at work now, and he's not home til late so there won't be the opportunity to talk for a while.
I'm not sure how I will cope if he goes back to drinking. What will that mean for us? Will I be strong enough to do this alone?
How will we manage social occasions?
It's 3 weeks today that I had that fateful night when I fell off the wagon. Has he forgotten already how dark that time was?
I really must stop this as its not helpful.
It might not even be true. It's just I could smell alcohol and that alone is enough to make me feel very vulnerable and shaky....

epskie

Try not to worry today, give him the benefit of the doubt until you're able to talk to him - don't start procrastinating about what will happen. Are you sure about the smell? Xx

Sapling

He knows how dark it was for you...If he did drink....Now he'll have a chance to see how dark it is for himself. Don't give up on him yet....Have an honest talk...That will be great for both of you. Do you know what over-thinkers do Jeni?....They over-worry. Hang in there....Remember your sobriety comes first...Don't forget to pray. For both of you.

Spinach

Good luck.
John

hypochondriac

Ask him Jeni, please don't get all paranoid and sneaky about it. If he was drinking on his own secretly then he knows it was wrong but from what you've mentioned about him before it doesn't sound like he is in the same place as you concerning his own determination to quit drinking. If he is finding it hard to quit then it will be an eye opener for him and he may realise how hard it was for you, especially when he was drinking too. But you can't force him to be at the same stage as you. Make sure you still put your own sobriety first x

Jeni26

Thanks for all your thoughtful replies. I'm going to give this some thought as to the best way to approach it. He's working late tonight and then all weekend so there won't be much talking time available and I want to make sure I act like a grown up and not the emotionally stunted person I really am!
No knee jerk reactions or crying etc. He needs me to be loving, caring and supportive to him, and I'm going to try really hard to do that.
Im going to a meeting tonight and that always helps clear my mind.
My panic and feelings of upset and betrayal are going to be tucked away for the time being.
My sponsor told me I need to learn patience, and I guess this is one of those situations where I can practice that.
No risk to my sobriety, I'm doing ok. I continue to want to be sober for ever!
Thankyou all, especially the 2 very special people who sent me PMs. You know who you are, and you are my strength at times when I don't feel I have any xxxx

Sapling

Jeni...Have you talked to your sponsor today about what is going on? Might be worth a phone call.

Jeni26

I'm on my way to a meeting now. Am hoping to see her there, thanks sapling x

Sapling

Have a good meeting...And hang in there!.

Live2Run25

Hope everything works out for you! i'm an overthinker as well and I know how much it can consume me.

Luling

I'm thinking about you, Jeni. I hope you two have a good conversation and you feel better afterward. ((hugs))

Jeni26

I'm ok everyone. Just back from a meeting. It can't be just chance that every time I go to one, someone says exactly what I need to hear.
Someone's looking out for me.
AA and SR are my lifelines and I'm so very lucky to have found them both. Heading off to bed now to reflect on what I've learned today x

Sapling

I don't think it's chance. Sleep good!