onemam

Im looking for some advice or reassurance that i have done the right thing.

I had been in a relationship with my Heroin addict b/friend for 12 years.We are no longer together.Three years ago he went into a 12 steps rehab and when he came out he only lasted 6 months clean.I supported him 100%,taking and picking him up from meetings.Supporting him financially,buying his step books.I couldnt have done more.Within 3 weeks of him leaving rehab i fell pregnant.The pregnancy was difficult as i had alot of complications.By the time i had reached 7 months i started finding drugs paraphanaila hidden in the house.My ex assured me that i must have been there since before he went into rehab,and i believed him.
I went into labour and gave birth.My ex would only come and visit us in hospital every other day and when he did he would stay for about 15mins say he was tired and go.After 2 weeks i returned home to complete carnage.The house was upside down.There were used needles in the kettle,hidden in cubards and draws.The bedroom had been half painted ?..It was living hell.After a blazing row i called the police and had him removed.Social services came three days later and thankfully i had managed to put the house right and look after my daughter.

Since that day he never stayed in out home again.That was 2 years ago.He drifts in and out of our lives.Hes a really good full on dad one week then dissapears for a few weeks.I had wanted my daughter to know her dad and i have always supported there relationship.Things came to a head 4 weeks ago,i called round to his new place with our daughter and he had a used packet of citric acid hanging out of his jeans.I left straight away.He said it was old stuff he had found lying around.??

I have stopped his contact with our daughter and told him that if he wanted to see her he would have to supply me with clean drug tests from the centre he goes too.He said im being a bitch and trying to control him.His mother got involved and told me she didnt see what the problem was, i knew he was an addict when i met him.

I havent heard anything for 4 weeks and i dont think i will.I feel like im depriving my daughter of her dad.I know that i could contact him and he would want to see her.I just dont know what to do.

He holds alot of resentement towards me as towards the end of rehab i told him i wanted him to come home and he did.He completed 13 weeks and was due to mave to aftercare.

One mam -Clean 4 years

gordano

Wow I am proud of you. You did the right thing here..

"I have stopped his contact with our daughter and told him that if he wanted to see her he would have to supply me with clean drug tests from the centre he goes too"

He is entitled to screw up his life as much as he wants, but not your daughters.

Casmasta

I believe you've done the right thing...
He's the one that's depriving his daughter of his father.
You have to remember that.
His choice.
He can remain sober, and be in his daughter's life, or not.

onemam

Thanks for the positive response.I often feel very isolated and think about my ex alot.I ever wonder if he will feel true remorse for the things he has done.In the past when i have asked him he says "Im an addict and powerless over my addiction".I used to hear that alot.I will probably never fully understand as my addiction was never to his extent.Are some people so addicted that it really is out of there control.I wish i knew.

sugarbear1

no child needs to see an active heroin user

Live2Run25

I too, feel that you've done the right thing. You are not stopping him from seeing her, you simply want him to be clean when he does it. It is up to him to make that decision but until then you don't want her to be around him. From the sounds of it, he could even be dangerous. She doesn't need to see that. She'd have a better life with no father at all than one that will continue to lie to her and hurt her mentally or physically.