First post / How do you walk by the store?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 83
First post / How do you walk by the store?
Hello. I've been a long time lurker and always thought that my first post on this forum would be after a significant marker such as 'day 3' or something like that. However, I suddenly find myself having a hard time getting to day 1. In fact, I am about to open my 8th beer of the night (a nightly occurrence; I've even 'progressed' to 16oz or 22oz cans exclusively now that lots of breweries are going that route). In short, the question that I can't seem to answer is "how can I just walk past the store(s) on my way home from work?" I seem to be unable to do this. And, while I'm at it, a pack of smokes too (even though I chew nicorette all day).
My life, outwardly, is great. I am extremely blessed to have a beautiful and healthy one year old daughter, a great wife and a good job that pays well and at which I have been promoted several times. I say this not to brag, but simply to exclude those factors as excuses. About 3 years ago, my wife and I had a talk one Sunday and she told me that I was drinking too much and 'recommended' (in the way that spouses do, though without any kind of threat; more out of general concern) that I take a 'break.' I went from drinking every night to vowing to quit for a month starting that day. I made it 28 days and have since drank at least 6 beers a night for 99.9% of the days since. It only has worsened. Though, I am never visibly drunk (high tolerance; usually happy and agreeable, yet functional, when I get a buzz on) and perform well in all facets of life thusfar (although I am never, ever operating at 100% because of this and am in no way shape or form reaching my potential in any facet). I am only 33 but feel things slipping away. I've gone to AA meetings in the past (though not recently) and I'm not opposed to it, though I can't see how listening to one guy read from a book (I read the book on my own but still drink) and listening to others share (very effective for me in the moment but not lasting) is going to change me. I want to change and will change and am willing to try therapy or whatever it takes. I have lived the drinking life full throttle and would like to live the opposite way. I just can't seem to walk past the store after work. And, even once I do that, how can I possibly enjoy weekends/holidays/concerts/sports, etc. ever again? Typical thoughts, though I can't get past them. Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Your posts are an inspiration to me.
My life, outwardly, is great. I am extremely blessed to have a beautiful and healthy one year old daughter, a great wife and a good job that pays well and at which I have been promoted several times. I say this not to brag, but simply to exclude those factors as excuses. About 3 years ago, my wife and I had a talk one Sunday and she told me that I was drinking too much and 'recommended' (in the way that spouses do, though without any kind of threat; more out of general concern) that I take a 'break.' I went from drinking every night to vowing to quit for a month starting that day. I made it 28 days and have since drank at least 6 beers a night for 99.9% of the days since. It only has worsened. Though, I am never visibly drunk (high tolerance; usually happy and agreeable, yet functional, when I get a buzz on) and perform well in all facets of life thusfar (although I am never, ever operating at 100% because of this and am in no way shape or form reaching my potential in any facet). I am only 33 but feel things slipping away. I've gone to AA meetings in the past (though not recently) and I'm not opposed to it, though I can't see how listening to one guy read from a book (I read the book on my own but still drink) and listening to others share (very effective for me in the moment but not lasting) is going to change me. I want to change and will change and am willing to try therapy or whatever it takes. I have lived the drinking life full throttle and would like to live the opposite way. I just can't seem to walk past the store after work. And, even once I do that, how can I possibly enjoy weekends/holidays/concerts/sports, etc. ever again? Typical thoughts, though I can't get past them. Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Your posts are an inspiration to me.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by BetterIsBetter 
(I read the book on my own but still drink).
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Go to your doctor and tell him you want to quit but don’t seem able to. He may provide you with medication to get through the withdrawals. If you’re just a heavy drinker you may be able to give it up. If you find you want to drink after some weeks of abstinence, see if AA meetings and the steps help you. Sounds like you were just doing meetings. AVRT is also something that works for some people and you can find out about it in the secular connections forum.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome. The good news is there is a way to change, the bad news is it doesn't really come until alcohol has beaten us into submission.
For years I said I'd cut down. I'll quit when I get a real job, I'll quit when my wife becomes pregnant, I'll quit when the baby is born, I'll quit when things slow down, I'll quit after I quit smoking, I'll quit when I get in better shape, I'll quit when my wife gets pregnant with our second child, I'll quit at 35, I'll quit when our second child is born.... on and on and on...
The truth is I quit, for real, when was hopeless. When I woke up from a regular Friday night. Came home from work, made dinner, helped clean, put the kids to bed, and then I was gonna have "a few drinks:. For me, "having a few" meant almost a fifth of whiskey with some pot hits all throughout the night. I stayed up, alone, until 3am. Went to bed, woke up like a always did. Full of shame, guilt remorse. I felt desperate. I felt alone. I felt afraid. I felt like a loser. I felt soul-less....
That's a pretty ****** way to feel. So, I went into AA (for the 4th time) and "turned in my badge". My way of life, my thinking, my efforts, etc.... were simply not working. I had everything you have to. Wife, house, job, kids, coached my kids teams, etc... but what I didn't have was a way to live in this world without hating myself.
AA has showed me a way to live that focuses less on me and more on others. It tells me that most of my problems in life are of my own making. I tells me that through self centered actions, I step on the toes of others and they retaliate. It tells me that the little lies that I tell daily eat at me until I can't stand myself anymore.
AA teaches me how to be a man and not a scared little boy.
In your post you asked "how does listening to a person read from a book help"? The answer is, I don't know, but it just does. You kind of have to just go. What's helped me is meeting people I really like and trust. I have 4 core guys (one of which is my sponsor). I talk to 3 of them everyday.
What drinking does for me is makes me dishonest. I'm not sure why, but it just does. I think it starts from a very deep level. If I drink, I am not allowed to have a bad day. You mentioned being agreeable in your post. That so described me when I was drinking. I would rarely challenge anythng when drinking because I didn't want to be noticed. Just let me sit here with my drink and leave me alone. I will smile, empty the trash, compliment you, but GOD DAM don't tell me not to drink. Anything but that...
Without being completely desperate I would have never done the AA program. Very few of us fully give ourselves to the program until we are at that point. I had to admit, that my way was not working and it was time to turn the keys over and let someone else drive.
The results have been great. Today I love myself. Today I feel like I am a good person. Today I don't want your house, your shirt, your car, or your definition of success. Mine is just fine. That is tremendous growth for this alcoholic.
AA has given me something I hadn't had in a long time...
Hope.
For years I said I'd cut down. I'll quit when I get a real job, I'll quit when my wife becomes pregnant, I'll quit when the baby is born, I'll quit when things slow down, I'll quit after I quit smoking, I'll quit when I get in better shape, I'll quit when my wife gets pregnant with our second child, I'll quit at 35, I'll quit when our second child is born.... on and on and on...
The truth is I quit, for real, when was hopeless. When I woke up from a regular Friday night. Came home from work, made dinner, helped clean, put the kids to bed, and then I was gonna have "a few drinks:. For me, "having a few" meant almost a fifth of whiskey with some pot hits all throughout the night. I stayed up, alone, until 3am. Went to bed, woke up like a always did. Full of shame, guilt remorse. I felt desperate. I felt alone. I felt afraid. I felt like a loser. I felt soul-less....
That's a pretty ****** way to feel. So, I went into AA (for the 4th time) and "turned in my badge". My way of life, my thinking, my efforts, etc.... were simply not working. I had everything you have to. Wife, house, job, kids, coached my kids teams, etc... but what I didn't have was a way to live in this world without hating myself.
AA has showed me a way to live that focuses less on me and more on others. It tells me that most of my problems in life are of my own making. I tells me that through self centered actions, I step on the toes of others and they retaliate. It tells me that the little lies that I tell daily eat at me until I can't stand myself anymore.
AA teaches me how to be a man and not a scared little boy.
In your post you asked "how does listening to a person read from a book help"? The answer is, I don't know, but it just does. You kind of have to just go. What's helped me is meeting people I really like and trust. I have 4 core guys (one of which is my sponsor). I talk to 3 of them everyday.
What drinking does for me is makes me dishonest. I'm not sure why, but it just does. I think it starts from a very deep level. If I drink, I am not allowed to have a bad day. You mentioned being agreeable in your post. That so described me when I was drinking. I would rarely challenge anythng when drinking because I didn't want to be noticed. Just let me sit here with my drink and leave me alone. I will smile, empty the trash, compliment you, but GOD DAM don't tell me not to drink. Anything but that...
Without being completely desperate I would have never done the AA program. Very few of us fully give ourselves to the program until we are at that point. I had to admit, that my way was not working and it was time to turn the keys over and let someone else drive.
The results have been great. Today I love myself. Today I feel like I am a good person. Today I don't want your house, your shirt, your car, or your definition of success. Mine is just fine. That is tremendous growth for this alcoholic.
AA has given me something I hadn't had in a long time...
Hope.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Raleigh NC
Posts: 53
Hi Better,
I am also 33 and have always been a functioning alcoholic. The thing you said that resonated most with me is that you know you're not reaching your full 100% potential ever at any time right now. That exact thought is a huge part of why I finally stopped over 30 days ago. I felt that same way and reading that made me feel like you'd ripped that thought right out of my brain. I remember reading something like "when you're drunk you think the whole world is drunk, and when your sober your realize the whole world is sober" (i'm paraphrasing majorly!). Toward the end of my drinking I would think about myself when I was drunk and how off putting it must look to others. I was really hard on myself on many occasions about it a lot and although it didn't make me stop that thought helps me stay stopped. It's not about what other people think but rather how I wish for myself to be perceived by the outside world. I want sincerely to be the best, most successful, most creative version of myself and that would never ever happen if I was drunk for the rest of my life. In reality the alcohol was stunting all of it.
I think lfh45555's words are so powerful and I thank you so much for sharing them with us, lfh, because it's starts as a mound of dirt and over time becomes quicksand and then suddenly it has way more power than you thought. It's scary. I had a high tolerence too and the last night that I ever drank anything I drank two 1.5 liter bottles of wine. I'm a 5'4" 165 lb girl. There is no way that I should ever be able to drink that amount without being hospitalized. The fact that I was not sick at all scared me almost more than if I had been. I am so grateful that I was able to get off the hamster wheel. I am not lying to you when I say that I truly did not believe that I could.
I am also 33 and have always been a functioning alcoholic. The thing you said that resonated most with me is that you know you're not reaching your full 100% potential ever at any time right now. That exact thought is a huge part of why I finally stopped over 30 days ago. I felt that same way and reading that made me feel like you'd ripped that thought right out of my brain. I remember reading something like "when you're drunk you think the whole world is drunk, and when your sober your realize the whole world is sober" (i'm paraphrasing majorly!). Toward the end of my drinking I would think about myself when I was drunk and how off putting it must look to others. I was really hard on myself on many occasions about it a lot and although it didn't make me stop that thought helps me stay stopped. It's not about what other people think but rather how I wish for myself to be perceived by the outside world. I want sincerely to be the best, most successful, most creative version of myself and that would never ever happen if I was drunk for the rest of my life. In reality the alcohol was stunting all of it.
I think lfh45555's words are so powerful and I thank you so much for sharing them with us, lfh, because it's starts as a mound of dirt and over time becomes quicksand and then suddenly it has way more power than you thought. It's scary. I had a high tolerence too and the last night that I ever drank anything I drank two 1.5 liter bottles of wine. I'm a 5'4" 165 lb girl. There is no way that I should ever be able to drink that amount without being hospitalized. The fact that I was not sick at all scared me almost more than if I had been. I am so grateful that I was able to get off the hamster wheel. I am not lying to you when I say that I truly did not believe that I could.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 83
I thank you all very much for your responses and I truly wish you the best as well. I don't have many friends that have faced this, so your advice is greatly appreciated. I know that AA has worked for many, many people and I would be a fool to dismiss it outright. I won't.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome BetterisBetter!
I thought of myself as "functional," too, but I was really only making sure that things looked good from the outside. I didn't want to admit how hard it was getting just to get through the day sometimes.
All I can say is that it's worth putting your heart and soul into getting sober. It's scary at first, but it's SO worth it. Get all the support you can and jump in (the water's fine!).
I thought of myself as "functional," too, but I was really only making sure that things looked good from the outside. I didn't want to admit how hard it was getting just to get through the day sometimes.
All I can say is that it's worth putting your heart and soul into getting sober. It's scary at first, but it's SO worth it. Get all the support you can and jump in (the water's fine!).
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
In early sobriety....I took a cab directly home after work...
I also found an AA group that met before work..made that a daily routine.
Welcome to our recovery community...
Blessings to the 3 of you as you move into a sober future..
....
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I also found an AA group that met before work..made that a daily routine.
Welcome to our recovery community...
Blessings to the 3 of you as you move into a sober future..
....
..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 79
I have to cross the street to avoid popping in to my old liquor store. and unless im with someone i cant go to a grocers that sells alcohol. im in my 1st month and the danger for me right now to mindlessly buy that bottle of vodka is just way too high.
as for having fun - well to be honest my drinking hasnt been fun for a long time - but what ive been doing is things i would do as a kid - movies and the arcade - going for ice cream - things like that
i go to aa - this is the 4th time ive tried it - and something has clicked this time
try everything something will stick
as for having fun - well to be honest my drinking hasnt been fun for a long time - but what ive been doing is things i would do as a kid - movies and the arcade - going for ice cream - things like that
i go to aa - this is the 4th time ive tried it - and something has clicked this time
try everything
something will stick
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i am very glad to see you have a problem now. i let the disease of alcoholism take me down a very dark road for a long time. whn i got to the point of desperation, i gave myself 2 choices: go to AA, do what the big book and others say, give it 90 days and see what happens, or kill myself. i chose AA. i gave it 90 days because the people there recommended it. if i didnt like what i got after 90 days, the gloom, dispair, and misery would be given back at the door.
going to meetings i learned that there are people that thought just like me. our drinking patterns may have been different. one guy that is now a friend never experienced a hangover because he never sobered up enough to have one( i had a hard time listening to that 65 year old man until i realized he got sober when he was 33). another man was a wine drinker. he had a total of 6 blackouts in his entire drinking career and all the other times it was a few glasses of wine at dinnertime. but we thought and acted the same way when drinking!
going to meetings is a good thing, but going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism. what the big book says to do worked for me and countless others
heres a link to the big book. maybe take a read and see iffen you find yourself talked about in it today.
Big Book On Line
its been a great solution for me for sometime now.
going to meetings i learned that there are people that thought just like me. our drinking patterns may have been different. one guy that is now a friend never experienced a hangover because he never sobered up enough to have one( i had a hard time listening to that 65 year old man until i realized he got sober when he was 33). another man was a wine drinker. he had a total of 6 blackouts in his entire drinking career and all the other times it was a few glasses of wine at dinnertime. but we thought and acted the same way when drinking!
going to meetings is a good thing, but going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism. what the big book says to do worked for me and countless others
heres a link to the big book. maybe take a read and see iffen you find yourself talked about in it today.
Big Book On Line
its been a great solution for me for sometime now.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Welcome to SR, BetterIsBetter.
How do you walk past the store? As other people have said if you can, find another route.
And yes, I too was happy, agreeable... a much nicer person all round when I was drinking. Relaxed, mellow... content even. Everything I wasn't when I was sober. I liked me when I was drunk. And no, I was never that drunk. I'm fairly sure that nobody could tell I'd been drinking - after all, I sounded normal, could walk just fine, thanks - and besides, if they could, they'd have said something, right?
But the amount I was drinking was going up and up, and not slowly either. I'd thrown away the rules I'd made (cough) years ago, and now I was finding out why I'd made them in the first place. Was I repeating the past? Or did I have it on fast forward this time? I made jokes about it, telling friends who saw me in the afternoon, "I've only had two today." But it was starting to bother me.
And then I tried to quit. It was the Monday after my birthday, when I'd gone out for a few drinks with my friends. Of course I'd had a can of Special Brew before I went, 'just so I won't lose it.'
I woke up in bed the next morning, not sure if I'd put my jacket back on. I lept out of bed, saw it was hanging up and went back to sleep. Well, at least I wasn't thinking, 'How did I get home?' which I'd done in the past.
That was May 7th. My first attempt to quit lasted 6 hours. At one point, I gave up quitting because "I don't have a problem, so I don't need to quit." The truth was, I'd realised I couldn't quit on my own.
How do you walk past the store? As other people have said if you can, find another route.
And yes, I too was happy, agreeable... a much nicer person all round when I was drinking. Relaxed, mellow... content even. Everything I wasn't when I was sober. I liked me when I was drunk. And no, I was never that drunk. I'm fairly sure that nobody could tell I'd been drinking - after all, I sounded normal, could walk just fine, thanks - and besides, if they could, they'd have said something, right?
But the amount I was drinking was going up and up, and not slowly either. I'd thrown away the rules I'd made (cough) years ago, and now I was finding out why I'd made them in the first place. Was I repeating the past? Or did I have it on fast forward this time? I made jokes about it, telling friends who saw me in the afternoon, "I've only had two today." But it was starting to bother me.
And then I tried to quit. It was the Monday after my birthday, when I'd gone out for a few drinks with my friends. Of course I'd had a can of Special Brew before I went, 'just so I won't lose it.'
I woke up in bed the next morning, not sure if I'd put my jacket back on. I lept out of bed, saw it was hanging up and went back to sleep. Well, at least I wasn't thinking, 'How did I get home?' which I'd done in the past.
That was May 7th. My first attempt to quit lasted 6 hours. At one point, I gave up quitting because "I don't have a problem, so I don't need to quit." The truth was, I'd realised I couldn't quit on my own.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Once you are unhooked life will be better. It is a chemical addiction, withdrawal is complex and has a lot of dimensions that go well beyond the initial one week or so detox. Learn what you can and make a plan.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Sapling
As far as walking by the store goes....Walk a different route.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Hi Better!
I to was one of those functional drunks but it all went south when my body demanded it first thing in the morning. I work from home at my leisure so alcohol could be consumed before, during or after work.
Today is my 2nd day of sobriety and was finally healthy enough to go out and get some goods from the grocery - lots of fruit! While I was in there I passed by the beer aisle to check the latest price on my 18 pk I usually picked up once a day. After looking at the price amongst the wall of beer, I smiled and casually walked away. I just saved another $13 today! The mere presence did not concern me because I knew that beer is out of the picture for me.
I've fallen off the wagon a few times over the years and just a couple days ago decided my life will fall apart if I kept drinking. Meetings, detox, rehab - whatever the case may be works for some, others not. In my situation, I'm strong willed and will continue on the road to sobriety because I know how much more satisfying life will be.
I wish you all the luck Better! Life is certainly more pleasant without the booze.
I to was one of those functional drunks but it all went south when my body demanded it first thing in the morning. I work from home at my leisure so alcohol could be consumed before, during or after work.
Today is my 2nd day of sobriety and was finally healthy enough to go out and get some goods from the grocery - lots of fruit! While I was in there I passed by the beer aisle to check the latest price on my 18 pk I usually picked up once a day. After looking at the price amongst the wall of beer, I smiled and casually walked away. I just saved another $13 today! The mere presence did not concern me because I knew that beer is out of the picture for me.
I've fallen off the wagon a few times over the years and just a couple days ago decided my life will fall apart if I kept drinking. Meetings, detox, rehab - whatever the case may be works for some, others not. In my situation, I'm strong willed and will continue on the road to sobriety because I know how much more satisfying life will be.
I wish you all the luck Better! Life is certainly more pleasant without the booze.
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack
Give your wife your credit card before you go to work. Only carry about $3 for snacks and drinks. This way you can't buy alcohol after work. Just remember to have enough gas in the car.
I make sure to leave my wallet at home.
I keep telling myself that I don't want to drink...
But it crosses my mind every time I'm out on the street.
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