Thinking it might be time to stop
 

I'm contemplating going to a meeting in an hour. Over the last few years, I've gone from social drinker, to weekend binge drinker, to week day drinker and weekend binge drinker. What's difficult is that I go to work, pay my bills, am in good health (for now), and have no legal issues.

I know its a matter of time until something is going to happen bad during a black out. I've also been diagnosed with Dysthymia and take 200 Mg of Zoloft to counteract the depression and anxiety that the alcohol makes worse.

About six months ago, I tried to not drink for a month. I made it to day 8 and felt like I was coming out of my skin. Since that time, I've made no effort to control my drinking especially on the weekends. I feel more depressed and more anxious than ever.

The problem is if I can make it without drinking until about Wednesday, I'll feel really good and think that I can drink without having any problems. I don't know why I continue to do the same thing week after week, month after month, year after year when I know exactly the outcome. It's maddening.

I'm at my wits end. Deep down I know I have a problem, but I'm very very good at talking myself out of having a problem a few days after the hang over is gone.

Green, you have described soooo many of us. We know what it's like, believe me. You will get lots of support here from people who have been (and still are) where you are. Glad you are here. :)

Have you noticed a certain sequence? The only next logical step is weekday binge drinker.

You are doing a brave thing to confront the problem and seek help, or at least support. Recognizing the problem is the first step. This forum helps me a lot in keeping things in perspective, and passing time when I might want to have a drink. Plus everybody's so darned nice :)

Wish you all the best.

That's a great post and just what I needed!

Green - I thought I had things under control with casual drinking every day but since the last week beginning the madness of grabbing a beer the first thing in the morning, I knew it was over for me and wasn't going to get any better. That's why I'm here for the support to rid of this nasty disease. Good luck to you and luck with the meetings!

Welcome to SR Green.

That negative self-talk is a killer. Recognizing and Resisting Urges can help with that.

Being here active here at SR will help you make the changes you need, I know SR helps me. Glad to have you here.

Thank you for perfectly describing my life.

How crazy is it that we know what a problem we have, and yet, because we've managed to avoid some version of total disaster so far (even though we know full well it's coming if we don't stop drinking), we can continue to drink. Until, you know, we start losing everything important to us. Until we DO get that DUI.

We're lucky, so lucky, we have a chance to stop while we still have a lot to lose. I hear your frustration, the insanity of it all, loud and clear. It is my exact psychology.

This is Day 3 sober for me. Obviously, I don't have all the answers, but know that you're certainly not alone in this devastating cycle of sick thinking.

This is a reading from chapter 3 of the Big Book...I like this book...It's about me. See if it rings a bell with you.

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

my current favorite chapter is A Vision For You, chapter 11. take a read!

xa-speakers.org don't leave home without an mp3 and some earphones! LOL

Glad you are staying stopped!

Welcome to SR :)

I have a 'Sober App' on my phone. The quote this morning was - 'We have a disease that tells us we don't have a disease.' Sums it up really.

Go to the meeting - you won't regret it xx

Thats exactly what happens to alcoholics.....1. Ocassional drinking 2. Weekend Drinking 3. Occassional binge drinking 4. Weekend binge drinking 5. Weekday drinking plus weekend binge 6. All day binge, blackouts, zero balance in the account, disasters, isolation, depression......etc etc..........I am at the last phase now.....Trying my best to comeback...you too can do it...

I understand this so well. I feel sometimes that I have no problem and everything is fine, I am happy and in a good mood and want to be around people. Then I will go out and feel so guilty afterwards and will stay in for days, then I get bored of staying in and the cycle repeats itself.

This sounds like me a couple of months ago. Getting through 8 days of not drinking is great (I did that regularly as well and then convinced myself that I was normal) but the problem is - so long as you believe that there is an 'end' to the not drinking, you will just go back to your old habits. Or, at least, that's what happened to me. There is such freedom (honestly) in saying you will never drink again. It wipes out all the anxieties about future drinking, it stops you questioning when your next drink will be, it makes things so much easier because you know you just can't have it. I'm not saying that's an easy decision to come to - that you will never drink again - hell, I know personally that is an incredibly hard decision to make and it is one you can only fully commit to when you are 100% ready, but all I can say is that it does liberate you and it does go a long way in helping you to overcome the depression and anxiety. It is only since I quit drinking that I have realised that most, if not all, of my depression and anxiety stems from alcohol. Since quitting, I still take my medication, but I can definitely see a future without that, too.

Be honest with yourself. I wish you the best of luck x

Your first line sounds so familiar "I've gone from social drinker, to weekend binge drinker, to week day drinker and weekend binge drinker. What's difficult is that I go to work, pay my bills, am in good health (for now), and have no legal issues"

I only signed up this week and been 5 days without any drink or drugs and so far so good, but i know the worst is still to come.

when i was been good and "cutting" down on my binging , i never used to drink mon to wed...as i was recovering, but when the hangover and self pity had passed by thurs, i was back on it again for a four day binge ....well its the start of the weekend right??!!! week after week, month after month, year after year....and thats if i was been good.

Im more than determined to sort it this time, at 33 ive spend 19 years of my life getting out my face and to be honest im just really fecking sick n tired of it. I want to wake up not feeling like i have for what seems like forever.

I wish you well green, be strong!

I know exactly why I did those things, when I was drinking. It was because I am an alcoholic! I only got sober this time through the fellowship of AA. I have tried it many times MY way and couldn't make it. I had to totally surrender to my Higher power and then I found myself back in AA and have now made it 5 months. When there are people in a group all working for the same purpose, the group will succeed, that is why I don't stay sober, WE stay sober together.

our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.

That's the insanity they talk about in the Big Book...And it is fricken insane!

Welcome to SR. And yes, that sounds familiar. Too familiar. We all know where the path we're on leads, and yet we manage to convince ourselves that somehow we won't get there. And then one day, if we're lucky, something happens that we don't ignore, and we have to accept the truth.

Curious.. what app do you have??

Welcome to SR...:wavey:

I'm glad you are willing to explore AA....it's certainly been an awesome
positive adventure in my life..:yup:

You will meet members like me...who did not go down all the way into
end stage alcoholism with all that entails. I'm so grateful.