My boyfriends drinking is destroying our relationship
 

Hi,

I've come to this site because i'm looking for some advice on how to help my boyfriend with his drinking problem. He drinks on average 30-40 pints of lager per week, he may have 1 or 2 days off drinking per week but not always. He is 30 and has been drinking heavily for at least the last 10 years. When he drinks he becomes angry and impatience and snaps at the slightest thing. This is really upsetting for me, I don't think there has been even a couple of days for the last 5 months when I haven't cried about this problem. His drinking effects everything in his life and our life together. He has a full time job but most days has a hangover and is very tired at work. Most days i am also far too tired to do my job properly since i have been up at night arguing with him about his drinking or just waiting for him to some home because i am so worried.

He is not able to save money, pay off any debts, do anything on his days off, even get his hair cut because he is almost always in a state of being hungover or drunk.

I have tried everything from the softly softly approach where i try to offer help and support to sleeping in a different room for several nights in the hope that my being away from him will make him see the light. Nothing changes.

He knows he has a problem and when he is drunk he often gets upset and says he wants to stop or cut down his drinking because ultimately it makes him unhappy but then the next day he will just drink again to the same extent. I have tried suggesting he drinks water in between pints or that he drinks slower or drinks weaker beers but to no avail.

I am really at the end of the road, I've almost given up hope. He has promised so many times it will change but it never does.

I just don't know what to do anymore. He is so so lovely when he is not drunk and he isn't always mean when he is drunk but i hate him drinking so much.

Please help i'm really struggling and can't turn to anyone because i feel it will make him look bad or make me look like a nagging hassling girlfriend.

Welcome to SR. Sorry you are hurting.

Your boyfriend is going to drink until he's ready to quit. Nothing you can do to make that happen any quicker.

What if you left him? Won't help your boyfriends drinking, but it might help you realize you don't need the craziness of alcohol in your life.

You should also pop over to the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. Lots of good support and advice there:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Please check out our "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" forum. Lots of folks there have been where you are, or are where you are and have great Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) to share:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Love and hugs,

Send him in the direction of SR... if he wants help it is available but he is going to have to put in some legwork. You can't do it for him. You should start thinking about yourself.. do you really need to put up with this? Re post this in the friends and family forum, you'll probably get some really good advice there x

unfortunately there is not much of anything you can do to make him stop. One approach you could take is to let him know that you will not support his drinking anymore and you will no longer be with him if he continues to drink. You must however follow through with this if he does continue to drink. This is what my wife did to me and it shocked me into staying sober. Once I realized she was no longer in my life, it really made me get my priorities straight. There is a chance this won't work, and if it doesn't I believe you will be better off because of it. I'm sure his alcoholism has really kept you from enjoying your life lately.

thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I've reposted in the friends and family section. :-)

Hi problem,
My ex-gf could have written your post herself to describe our time together. She saw me deteriorate over six years to the point where I just wasn't the same guy she fell for. She stuck with me because she knew who I was when sober, but my sober moments were becoming increasing rare as time went on. Eventually, I ended up in rehab and the relationship ended. The best thing for her, and me, was breaking up. I focused on myself and got treatment. You should give your bf an ultimatum and consider taking a break until he sorts himself out.