Luling

Lol -- that's cool. I wish I could just leave it to sit in the fridge, but that won't work. If only ....

Payton

You know with us it even got to the point where we were semi-arguing about this, he was challenging me about it and I finally just looked at him and said, "why are you feeling so threatened by me trying to be sober?" I found that to be a pretty effective phrase because he was immediately uncomfortable and I really haven't heard a peep since and he has been supportive. I think he was threatened by the possibility of the alcoholic label (I've talked about his history etc).

Luling

No, the wine isn't going anywhere. He has a drinking problem too, and he's not ready to address it. He's not ready to address either of our drinking problems. I'm pretending that everything is status quo, with the only inconsequential difference being that I'm not drinking.

It's like we have a stand off. I leave him alone about his drinking if he leaves me alone about my sobriety. By the way, this isn't working out so well.

Payton

Ok, I thought that he was not a wine drinker. So it's going to be even more challenging. My husband will pick beer or liquor for himself which I can resist. You know when I was recovering from a million years of bulimia, there were foods I just could never, even buy again. Even to this day I get emotionally freaked out when I see them in the store. I just had to cut them out of my immediate physical surroundings to survive.

It sounds pretty clear that he's got his own unhealthy attachment to alcohol. I can think of countless times when I encouraged him to have another glass, poured him one without him asking, stopped and got him a big handle of his favorite liquor just so I could grab a few bottles of wine without getting scolded, just so I could get away with more drinking. I was very subtly manipulative. I've done the same with friends and family. His behavior sounds familiar to me.

I guess logical question is how are you going to protect yourself? I know you really want to be sober. ((hugs))

Luling

We talked tonight, and I used the phrase "drinking problem." He said I over-analyze things. Lol ... so there you have it. I don't have a drinking problem at all, thank God! No, all the black-outs, the times I had 10 drinks instead of 2, the fact that I tend to drink every single night, the times I've gotten behind the wheel ... well, let's not over-analyze it, okay?

Having said that, you're right -- I don't think he's trying to sabotage me; I haven't made myself clear enough to expect him to do the right thing. Men and their shoddy ESP skills.

Oh well, what can you do. It will all work out in the end, I suppose.

Luling

I don't know. I try to leave the house for an hour or so at the time I usually drink. It helps a bit. I'm not sure how to deal with this, but I'll figure something out.

NoPainNoGain916

Damn seems like a hard situation. Will he consider mot drinking to help you through this?

DisplacedGRITS

Heh...tell him you won't shove a Big Book up his butt if he stops trying to pour alcohol down your throat. Hmmmm...that might be a little forward but i'd be exasperated with the situation and i have a bit of a temper, lol.

Luling

Lol -- Oh well, I'll getting a little better at handling each day. Some days are no problem, some are more challenging. I'm still trying to work out how to deal with the more challenging moments, but I'm getting there.

Sapling

I'll tell you one thing I have learned about getting alcohol out of my life. It's challenging even when everyone around you is supportive. If you have something or someone around you that is making it more challenging...Take care of it...Right from the start. I found it to be easier for me....If I made it that way.

soberbrooke

I have 5 months - and my boyfriend said to me "You are not an alcoholic. You can have some on the weekend only. This is ridiculous, you can drink. etc..." He said that when I was 4 months. I have now left him and he is in shock. He is still using, and I couldn't do it any longer.
My partner did not want me to change. He did not want me to get better, he wanted me to stay that miserable person and weak. Because if I got better, somewhere inside he knew I would leave. AND I DID.
If he did that to me, I would pour it out and then leave it on the kitchen table with a really long note attached. It would have all my thoughts on my drinking and why it is imperative that I stop. We have kids and I would make it more about the kids and me than him.
Good luck, I don't have a lot of sobriety, but I am hoping that the old timers would agree with me. It would make me see that I am on the right track.

Luling

Maybe if he were to just quit bringing wine around. I can leave the other stuff alone without too much difficulty for, but the wine tempts me every single night and it's hard not to give in. He likes his wine, but he's more attached to his beer and gin. He's not unreasonable; if I tell him it's important to me he'll go along with it, I think.

YVRguy

Hey Luling

Sounds like he is in denial of your problem. I am lucky my wife rarely drinks and does not bring any alcohol into our home because I will pretty much drink anything. She does not understand the problem I have exactly but sure knows the costs to me and everyone else.

Pour it down the drain as you tell him you have quit , period , full stop.

I have know couples who both tried to gain sobriety at the same time and listening carefully I was grateful I did not have the extra challenges they faced. You are strong and can make your stand versus hoping it all turns out in the end. Stay off the drink and let him figure his own situation out.

BTW not all men have a shoddy ESP , I for one have no ESP.

I think you know lots of folks here on SR are behind you!

Sapling

Like I said...I found it to be easier for me....If I made it that way.