Adejay

Hi. This is my first post on here or any other website so please be patient. Im a 33 year old male from the UK. Ive been taking drugs and/or binge drinking since i was 14. ive had various counseling to help me with this, but have always gone back. i started to really get serious about sorting my head out in the last year or so, but yet i still end up getting out my face most weekends. the last few months ive been better as im on sick from my job so i have no money, which helps and ive been keeping away from my peers to avoid temptation, which is hard as i'd say about 98% of the ppl in my life either drink or take drugs often??? and that includes family. i find the prob is ppl know me as a wreck head so thats what they expect. im just really getting sick of my life style and having nothing to show for my life except alot of blurry memory's. i really thought now is the time and i'd had enough but went to see a mate djing a week last fri and took to much mkat, cant rem a thing, but know i made a total fool of my self, so been living in self pity for the last week, even tho it subsiding now. ive just had a enough of living like this. Im planning to go to college in sept to better my self and have taken up Chinese cooking, but them nights when im sat home alone is really difficult and know if i had the money i would be at the beer off license and coming home to drink alone with my fav tunes or at a mates getting wasted. im really determined to sort it out this time but thinking that total sobriety is gonna have to be the way as just cant have a couple of beers. but know that is gonna be hard. this is day 3 of been straight, but i know tom is gonna be the hard one. sorry to rant on just need to get it off my chest. all comments welcome or if you wanna ask any thing. peace

Dee74

Hi adehay - welcome

I was an alcoholic but I think the process is the same...

If you really want to get clean and stay that way you need to be prepared to make some big lifestyle changes and look for as much support to stay sober as you can get.

Have you thought of something like NA or something similar?

D

Adejay

Hi Dee. thanks for getting back. I understand some big live style changes are goin to have to happen if i want to stay sober, but so far ive just sat at home alone....not good i know. i would like if i could just go for a social drink, 2 pints or so, but ive realized that i cant do this. I went to a couple of AA meetings and think they are they same as NA, but i dont think im an alcoholic. i dont drink in the mornings, yet, but any free time, after 12pm im getting out my head. Alcohol is my main vice, but i find i just swap that for pot when i feel ive had a enough of drinking. but the drink soon comes back round.

ACT10Npack

Good to see your trying to better yourself. Getting out of the alcohol and drug cycle is not easy to do. To stay sober you will most likely have to stop hanging out with a lot of your drinking friends if they don't want you to not to drink and all of your drug friends. Pubs are out of the question too. Would be a good idea to see a doctor about a blood work to make sure that you don't have anything bad going on in your body.

Getting in to the right recovery is the type to a good recovery, AA, SOS, SMART or using SR as a support is some good ones to start. Most likely you will relapse but it happens to most of use and it's part of recovery weirdly enough.

Going to college would be a good idea, taking cooking classes is too. Changing your diet to healthy living and regular exercise will help you too stay sober. Keeping your place clean will help to. If you suffer with depression or anxiety then talk to you doctor about anti-depression. A lot of use plus me take them and they really help to keep you level.

Your free time is always the hardest to stay away from the alcohol/drugs. Would be a good time to find a hobby you enjoy doing. Something to keep you busy is the key with boredom. Using standing your trigger or urges is important because that's when most of use will crack and start using or drinking.

Good luck with your recovery and remember that you will need to put the work in the get the most out of it. Welcome to SR!

ACT10Npack

Does not matter if you don't drink in the morning. If most of the time you get wasted or have a lot of black outs or it's making your life worst then those are sides of alcoholism.

Adejay

hey actionpack. i know my drinking is getting worse as im seeing the signs, worrying about running out of beer/wine, visiting different off licenses etc. I spend to much time alone and i know that doesnt help, but thats how i did most of my drinking. get a crate and a bottle of wine and lock my self away. im starting to realise alot more now, which is good and im more determined than ever this time. I enjoy cycling and walking etc and try to get out when i can, just lacking in motivation at the moment, plus our weather over here is not that great so cant always cant out. i might look in to going back to AA and have aready been to docs. thanks

Sapling

My last couple years drinking I did the same thing...Isolation and alcohol...It's a deadly mix. I like bike riding and walking too...But it never kept me sober. AA has. I'm curious if you've been to AA...Did you stop going because you didn't like it?....Or because it was working and you thought you could drink again?

RyanRed

Been in your shoes countless times. Before I officially got sober last year. I was on that same craptastic rollarcoaster.

I hated drinking, I really did! But I would go back to it time and time again. I'd wake up some mornings, and say "Ok! Today I stop drinking!" Hell, it would work for a few days, or maybe even a week, but I'd always fall right back into it by some small trigger. Triggers are everywhere. They come in all shapes, and forms. Some come in the shape of a song that plays on the radio, or a tid bit of exciting news, a passive memory, a smell, stress, hell were alcoholics EVERYTHING A DAMN TRIGGER.. Am I right? "Hey look at that. Buy one get one free on 2 liters of coke! Good deal.. hmmm" TRIGGER!

But I understand. I remember those times all to clearly. Be on a good week stretch sober, and fall right back into drinking. Wake up the next morning screaming at myself in my head. But that only lasted but 10-20 mins. Sure.. I might passively think about it through the day. But it didn't matter. Why? Because "I AM" an alcoholic.. Thats why. The alcoholic mind would quickly take over because it was my friend. It would comfort me. Tell me its alright Ryan!!! Then pour me a drink. "Welp! You tried! Its rough out there Ryan! You tried, and thats all that matters. Drink this, and try again some other time." I believed that too. But in reality, all that alcoholic mind was ever doing was slowly getting a tighter and tiger grasp around my personal free will. And boy ob boy did it get a tight freakin grasp.. for years!

So I know what your going through. Been there, done that, brought the damn t-shirt. Hell I got a closet full of them!

But it wasnt until the day I REALLY REALLY looked at myself in the mirror and said "WTF!!!!!" Ill never forger that day. I looked into the mirror, and had NO CLUE who the hell I was looking at. I looked like crap. Felt like crap. I was crap.. Wait wait.. Lemmie take that back. I was not crap. I was still in there, but you just couldn't see me. I had buried myself under so much BS self pity, lies, recite, and so much other garbage, I was no where to be seen. My eyes stared back, and they were just blank as if I was in a coma. Scarey scarey feeling my friend.

That was the day I knew I had to change. The passive BS I would tell myself about quitting was simply that. BS. I would lie and lie to myself all the time. Hell... id even believe it. You KNOW your screwed up when you can lie to yourself, KNOW your lieing, and freakin believe it.. hahaha how crazy is that?

Anyways, Ive been there. I know whats going through your mind. I know how you feel. All I can recommend is look deep deep DEEP down inside yourself. Really wanting to quit drinking is something you REALLY have to want. And I mean REAALLLLLYYY want to want. Don't just "want it" but "know it!" Very much two different things.

I wish the best to you, and if you ever need extra advice I would freely dispense it. Were all in this together my friend. Just realize your not alone in your battles. You have an army of people sitting right here.

Stay Strong!

-Ryan

hypochondriac

Welcome Adejay

Glad you have posted on here. I think it would be very hard quitting if I didn't have support from other alcoholics. SR is a great place. So is AA. And there are lots of other recovery methods which can help. I would say 98% of the people in my life are drinkers too, but drinking is really bad for me so I'm choosing to not do it. I think it takes strength to go against the grain, but it doesn't hurt to get all the help you can get. Have you taken time out of Djing to sober up? You may have to make some lifestyle changes just for a bit at least. We can all attest to this not being easy but it's definitely worth it! Good luck x

Adejay

Thanks everyone to your reply's and advice. firstly, sapling, you hit a good point. why did i stop going to AA? i went a few times and was going ok, then this guy was at one session who was kinda running it i think, but he was a total 'Richard ', who was so full of his self and knew everything, that by the end i really needed a pint or 2. I know that shouldnt of stopped me, but i just didnt feel right there anyway. most of them where serious hardened drinkers and i felt a bit of a light weight saying that i just get drink on the night/weekends etc...but maybe as you said ryan, thats just an excuse.

I know what u mean by triggers...i come across them every day, but i am starting to realise what they are. geez ...ive just got back from a 25 mile bike ride, feeling fresh and healthy and i got a dodgy text off a friend and whats the first thing i think....feck it...i fancy a few cans !!! but i didnt, ive come home and eaten lots instead :/

it is difficult been surrounded by it all the time, so think i need some time away from it all, get a few good books in and look in to some sort of therapy/meetings etc.

thanks again peeps

Sapling

The only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking...It doesn't matter how much...I figure if you are on this site you probably have that. Don't let one idiot run you out of a program that has worked for millions. I go to AA for myself. My sobriety has to come first. Without it...I'm dead.

hypochondriac

Try a different meeting Adejay. There are Richards everywhere, even in recovery (for some reason I thought everyone would be as lovely as they are on here!). I've only been to a few AA meetings and have had the same thoughts about everyone being hardened drinkers etc...but really we're all just the same. It doesn't matter if we ended up in prison or were just a bit uncomfortable with the those few glasses of wine we had a night, the solution is the same. If you find AA isn't your thing though, try SMART, or look into AVRT. I started with AVRT and ignoring all the anti AA stuff I found it to be incredibly helpful x

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Alcoholics don't have to drink in the morning, don't have to drink a lot and don't have to drink every day. It's so much more than that!

Glad you are here!

Adejay

Thanks hypochondriac, i just checked out that AVRT....and well....WOW!!! I like that way of thinking, and Smart is not available in my area.

Zencat

This is the free Google book preview of RR's AVRTA positive change the direction of you life can be challenging, but well worth it.

hypochondriac

I'd love to read some of the SMART literature too as what I've heard makes a lot of sense.

That's the good thing about AA really, you're pretty much guaranteed to find a meeting nearby. I could go to one every night of the week if I wanted, and I could go 4 times a week without any real effort on my part, just walk down the road and I'm there

CarolD

hope you soon find your way into a better sober future...
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