Making new friends
 

I am having a huge problem with feeling constantly alone. In the past 10 years I've made all my friends through bars and through drinking. I go to AA meetings a few times a week and the people are great. But there's a huge age gap I'm in my late 20's and they're all in their 40's or older. I've tried different meetings but the demographic is the same. It's just hard to relate when I'm still in school and still in the mindset of someone who is 19-20. So there is really nothing that we have in common. They are there for support and I love that, but that's not the friendship I need right now. Seriously in the past few weeks I've only spoken to my ex-boyfriend and my dad.

I have no idea how to make friends outside of a bar and right now I just feel lonely. That's all I know for social interaction. My dad and step mom have recommended finding groups with similar interests as me. I love running but I'm so self conscious that I won't be able to keep up with other people so I'm scared to find a group and then the other thing I'm really into is my dog. We go to the dog park every day but I have no idea how to approach anyone. It's like I need alcohol to feel like I'm worth interacting with other people. So I'm just completely lost.

Then there's school, I'm in the education program and honestly I'm keeping distant from everyone in that program. Who would hire a teacher whose had substance problems? So it's best to keep this entire side of me private for the sake of employment. So the people in my program can't know and for us to hang out mean bars and admitting that I have a problem.

I'm lost and how lonely I feel is my major trigger. I can't relate to anyone and I just want someone more than my dad and my dog in my life without feeling like I have to drink with them or have sex with them (in the case of my ex). So please help how do you find people to connect with?

ETA: I feel like I'm bashing anyone whose older. That's not the case at all I love all the support I get no matter what age. There's just a lack of common ground.

You shouldn't worry about whether or not you can keep up with the other runners, if you should decide to try a group. The larger groups usually have people of all paces. You could always check out the contact info on running club websites and contact someone who can address this concern. Some of my favorite people are runners. :)

It seems like every oulet you mention in your post where you can find friends...You are not worthy of making a friendship. Self pity?....No self worth?...I was loaded with it. It's just one of the many forms of self that we deal with in AA by working the steps. If you haven't done that...I'd recommend you get a sponsor..Read and understand the Big Book...And work the steps....Friends will come along...Along with a lot of other wonderful things that come with being recovered. We come into AA to change our lives...The steps are how you do that.

Try meetup.com and find a group that has the same hobby as you and you will find friends through there. It's the quickest way to find friends that has some hobby as you.

Sorry you're feeling alone Flicked. If I was you I'd make the most of being in an educational institution while you can. You don't have to tell people you have a problem with alcohol, just stick to hanging out with people in the day, and if they ask you out to a bar just say it's not your thing. You can reinvent yourself any which way you want. I bet there are many young people out there who aren't booze hounds, it's just (if you're anything like me) you're probably drawn to the drinkers.

But that said, maybe you should work on being comfortable alone too. Friends are great but don't just use them to run away from yourself. If loneliness is a trigger maybe it's best to work on why rather than just avoid loneliness forever. AA will probably help with that :) But just because the people there are older than you doesn't mean that they are different in any way. Most of my friends are in their 50s (I'm 30) and that doesn't make any difference to our relationship, they just happen to be into the same stuff as me. Be proud that you got to the stage of quitting now when you're so young x

Maybe call your local AA Intergroup Office and ask about Young People in AA meetings or do an internet search. These meetings DO exist. Some places have more than others.

Alcoholics Anonymous : Young People and AA