Sapling

I could be wrong...But I don't think it's the methods that fail.

Peter G

Yeah, ummm... no. First off everyone isn't an alcoholic/problem drinker. Sure we have different fingerprints and DNA, but an alcoholic's DNA carries with it some awfully prolific commonalities. 95% of the everyone you're speaking of doesn't have the remarkable set of striking similarities that you and I and every other booze hound own. And since that is the case, go figure that there also exists a remarkable set of striking similarities between what works to keep us sober, and what works to murder our best efforts at sobriety.

And that initial reply is certainly not just my opinion BTW, nor any lofty thoughts. What I am telling you is that every alcoholic with some experience coming to sobriety - at one point or another - has tried what you just tried, and a whopping 100% of the booze hounds I know have failed such tests, eventually.

Take this thread as an example. Everyone has told you it was a bad plan. See how that works? People who've been where you are have said it's a losing bet. That's not any statistical anomaly, me thinks. What you might be failing to grasp here is that while nobody here knows you personally, we know your illness INTIMATELY. It's your drinking issue we speak on bro, not your personality, your choice of automobiles, or your preferred wealth management system. Regardless of who you are in this big a$$ world, your problem with booze is the same problem we all have.

Someone told me many years back (when I was a cocky idiot). "There's a million different methods to help you get successfully sloshed, but there's really only a few ways to successfully stay sober." That cat had it right on the money. Wish I'd have listened to him. I'd have saved a dozen-or-so years of abject agony.

So yeah, my initial reply is not simply my words or opinions man, and I'm not trying to suggest you become sheeple and bow to some precept or dogma you're not ready to apply. I am only giving you anectodal and experiential facts as they apply to the success and failure of treating alcoholism - that wonderful thing we have in common. It's my hope that, if not today, one day you'll understand the deal and not continue making the same mistakes some of us have over time immemorial. Enough people have achieved sobriety throughout the ages to know what works and what is an extremely bad idea. Sorry, truly, but your recent pop quiz experiment doesn't go in the WIN column I'm afraid.

You might think that the end result of your litmus test serves to quantify your rationale and approach. That's cool if it warms your feet and gets you to bed on time tonight. But the actual truth about you managing to stay sober after that test is only this: you dodged a bullet. Next time you might not be so lucky. Or the time after that. And so on.

Honestly, I'm not posting to pi$$ on your cornflakes. I'm only worried for a fellow suffering booze hound. Worried that - yet again - a new poster will fall victim to the same things we all fell for, and needlessly suffer from the expected and statistically probable results that await you.

You've just stopped drinking bro. Give yourself some time and weapons before you head back into battle. Train a bit before you decide to be an MMA fighter, can? The opponent waiting for you can whoop your a$$ anytime he wants. Trust me on that. Look into something and do some leg work that is meaningful, not some funky (if not purely fantastical) test. Dude! AA, SMART, AVRT, they are all programs that can honestly help you. Funny thing though; you will come to find those programs littered with people who also wasted far too much of their lives failing tests identical to your most recent attempt.

Complacency, overconfidence, underestimation, anger, frustration, outright rage, depression, acute anxiety, sadness, grief, boredom, e.t.c... All of these things (and more) will come into play as you get more sober time. They are only a few of the many common emotional responses we all have to deal through in coming to sobriety. When you set out to employ unnecessary provocation on emotions like that - without some time and some sort of program or change in philosophy, well let's just say it's gonna get real frikin tricky for you.

I have a vested interest in the truth as it applies to an alcoholics propensity to frikin kill themselves with the insane rationale we all succumb to. That's the only reason I'm saying this stuff. Honestly I wish you well and good luck and truly hope you are the exception and not the rule. I would only hope that you can keep us updated as time passes, because succeed or fail your experiences from this thought process in 6 months or a year will speak volumes to readers here who still suffer. You may be able to help someone else through the honesty you afford yourself on this path.

Zee

Going to the pub after being sober for a week... isn't that what 'normies' do?

Nigel1969

I don't have a clue what that was all about mate.. All I know is that I'm sober and getting my life back, and it won't be by punishing myself being stuck in the house like a hermit. That would be setting myself up as a guaranteed return to the bad old days.. I shall not be a victim of boredom. There's a whole great big world out there, we can all still be part of it..

mwstylee

There are other things out there and your choices aren't only limited to:
1. sit at home like a hermit being bored
2. go to the bar

There are a lot more things I could list in between #1 and #2! Just my thoughts.

ThursdayNight

As Nietzsche said, "There is your way, and there is my way. But as to the right way, the correct way, or the only way, it does not exist".

That said, I also was really worried about you and your test, and I checked the site this morning just to make sure you were OK. I was so relieved to hear you did not drink. Maybe have a cup of coffee or tea, and then re-read Peter G's post with a different frame of mind. I am new to sobriety, and I don't think I would have understood what he was saying on Day 1, but now that I am on Day 29, what he is said really spoke to me. His statement "you dodged a bullet" is spot on. I have just been avoiding drinking, I haven't done the leg work that it takes to be recovered and I realize that now. I have been resistant to meetings (I'm not that bad an alcoholic, I don't need a meeting to do what I can do on my own), but now I see meetings in a different light - a chance to learn something, not just a way to avoid drinking.

Anyway, again I was so glad (relieved) to see your post this morning. I hope to see it again and again.

ThursdayNight

Peter G:

That was a remarkable post, thoughtful and eloquently stated. I re-read it several times. I have copied and pasted it into Word so I won't lose it.

DisplacedGRITS

One battle victory does not win the war. It's great that you were able to stay clear of the booze THIS TIME but never get cocky in recovery. Not at one week, one month, one year, 10 years...always stay humble to the fact that you are an alcoholic and be aware of when you are at risk. How often do we read about relapses here at various periods of sobriety? Always remember that if you play with the bull, you eventually get the horns. Always be vigilant.

OCDDan

Being around people who are drinking heavy makes me uncomfortable, being boxed into a room full of them would give me high anxiety, add loud music and a few other things that are found in a bar and it would be like a room full of triggers. I never remember smelling booze on peoples breath like i do now, even when they walk by. this idea sounds like pure torture to me.

NewBeginning010

Hi Nigel,

Please dont take these comments as attacks as the people posting care about you & are sharing their experience for your benefit. I have ventured out to the bar & won (not drank) on many occasions. Problem is I would always end up having one & starting the cycle all over again.

It like someone with a peanut allergy going to a peanut party.... not only do they have an allergy though.... they are addicted to peanuts
Not a great idea.

Anyway, I wish you all of the best in your recovery & if you do keep going out be very careful of that alcoholic mind that is just waiting to tell you ever so gently... *You can have just one, you will be ok* because its the beginning of the end of your sobriety...

Here is your first post here, please dont forget what brought you here:

We are here to support you my friend, take care & all of the best.

Cheers ~NB

hypochondriac

Everyone means well Nigel. Personally I had to hermit cos I was sick. But there was no way I intended to give up going to the pub or doing stuff like dropping old drinking buddies. To me that was all BS and I was perfectly capable of coping without doing those things. And I have a tendency to argue with any recovery methods too. But the challenges I/we face as we go along change and any tools we come across are going to be helpful at some point so don't rule them out entirely. You don't have to be a sheep to accept help. At 3 months I feel like I need more actual help than I did at the beginning. You're doing great so far, keep it up x

Peter G, your post really helped me too

xenoughx

Nigel, I am glad to hear that you did not drink last night. I pray it stays that way forever.

I am going to sit on the other side of the fence.

Although I think it is a very scary situation to be faced with going to a pub with that temptation with so little "time". I do not think it has to be avoided. I admit I said a prayer for your own personal strength when I read your original post.

I do not think you need to tempt yourself purposefully, there are already a lot of temptations out there and inside of you already.

Your original post stated you wanted to go listen to a band. That makes perfect sense to me. keep living your life. do the things you enjoy. experience new ideas. Just do it all without drinking.

For me personally - the most important things for me was enjoying a healthy life and my family - my "recovery" was not most important. If that makes any sense.

I think people that want a haircut at the barbershop will get one, and the people that realize what ugly hairstyles the customers are walking out of the barbershop with will take a pass on the haircut.

Carrie

Peter G

You're seriously trying to sell me this nonsense? Sorry. Not buying.

You wanna know where I was 1 day after my 6 month anniversary of sobriety? I was at an impromptu after party for 30 Seconds To Mars, because they showed up at my gig IN THE BAR I WORK AT, the same bar I performed at 6 nights a week. They came up and jammed with us. We managed to get in "Sweet Home Alabama" and Led Zeppelin's "The Ocean" before Chris Leto was pulled off the drums by their manager for being too drunk.

The irony.

Wanna know what happens regularly, where I work? I get 9 trays sent up to me. On the average, 2 trays are sent up to the band each night. In case the 9 tray is not well known in your neck of the woods, that is 9 different shots of flavored vodka on a special tray, and at the club I work it's a traditional bit of nonsense for regulars and/or bar staff to send up those things because apparently it's entertainment when they watch the band getting pi$$ed drunk. How about this... guess what I did yesterday after hitting the club in the daytime (as I do 4 times a week) to practice drums? I helped the bartender carry in 6 cases of Jack Daniels. Man I used to love Jack.

I'm the absolute last person for you to try and pull that "life doesn't stop because we stop drinking" crap. I'm full aware of it. I've made my living in the places where you've convinced yourself the only meaningful life on planet earth exists, since I was 16 years old. If anyone has a valid reason for that horse$h!t excuse it's me. And no matter how many times you throw that crap up in the air, it doesn't fly.

Here's the kicker, and exactly why I bothered to step into your world and let you know what's up with your alcohol induced logic. 7 months before that jam session with Jared and the boys, my heart had just stopped beating in an ICU unit, where I was rushed by ambulance after drinking myself into a coma. Found out later the doctor told my wife and uncle to not expect me to survive the night. That occurred after one of many 60+ day binges of 1 bottle of Grey Goose daily (Absolut was my fall back position, when Grey Goose wasn't available). A few months before that? In a psych ward for a mandatory 10 day evaluation after succumbing to a series of seizures from benzo/alcohol withdrawal. And about 5 months previous to that little mandatory vacation, while on tour I woke up on the side of a road, in a country I didn't even know the name of, with a steak knife buried 3 inches in my leg, broken knuckles, ribs, and a messed up ankle, + a head wound that would eventually require 70+ stitches. Oh, and also potentially a jail sentence for felony assault. Thanks God we had a hellagood manager on tour with us then, or I might be sitting inside a Thai jail until 2015.

Let's take the way back machine for one more ride, can? About 3-4 years before all of that, here's a pretty accurate description of where I was with my drinking...

Do what you will mate. I'm not here for any other reason than to try and show you how things are once you've arrived at a certain point with drinking, and how bloody horrid and tragic they can get if you don't pull your head out of your a$$ quickly enough. Make no mistake about it, from the description you gave and the motivation for you to join this forum? You've arrived. Welcome to the club of the rest of us. Your laminated card and Tshirt is in the mail.

There's an entire great big world out there that doesn't require alcohol as the main attraction for good times to ensue. Airsoft, sky diving, roller coasters, team sports, MMA, learning drums or guitar, e.t.c... You're in the UK yes? Cripes mate, have you not seen this? That looks like a total blast. Hell, if I just got sober last week I'd be at that place every frikin day. Point is that there are millions of things that can expand your horizons and combat boredom temporarily, while you learn some important and necessary coping mechanisms. They're all far beyond that ubiquitous "pub with a live band" you are fixating on as the only thing in the world worth doing.

Sure you can't isolate yourself from bars and the alcohol soaked world forever. I'm living proof of that. But long enough to get your ducks in a row you most certainly can, and should. Avoiding that which has just let you know wants to destroy every single part of your life is nothing but prudent. And the reason why it's smart is this: alcohol will f*****g kill us when we don't show it the fear and respect it deserves. Your boozing has drawn a line in the sand bro, like it or not. Underestimate it's ability to walk all over your best laid plans and all I can say is hold on, cuz you're in for a bumpy ride.

Taking time to figure out a solid program before revisiting "normal" life does nothing but give you tools and weapons that you will need on that one occasion coming up 6 or so months from now, when your sitting at your favorite pub watching your favorite band and figure "screw it, I'm OK, so I'll just have a few".

At the end of the day it's on you only. I'm trying to help you see beyond something that I couldn't see beyond. That's it in a nutshell. And again, I honestly hope and pray that you are the exception to the rule. Your choice is simple. You stumbled on this forum which is a veritable diamond in the rough. It is a 'good man in a storm' bro, nothing less. What I learned here at SR did nothing short of save my life, but I had to have an open mind. Fortunately for me when I first logged on to SR alcohol had thoroughly beaten me into submission, so my mind was wide open to anything that would dig me out of the hell booze put me in. Hell, if you'd told me 3 years ago that I had to dance around my living room covered in chicken blood and praying to a Justin Beiber Idol to stay sober, I'd STILL be doing it right frikin now. Here's hoping you NEVER get to that point.

So listen to what's been said here by myself and the others here with some sober time, or figure it out on your own, experientially. My continuing worry with every new person is that you folks won't survive the experience. Again, I'd only ask that you keep posting, be honest, and keep us updated. If not, when I revisit this thread I'll see your post-count stuck at 26, 32, or maybe even 43, and we'll all have a pretty decent idea exactly what happened to you.

Nigel1969

Point taken, maybe your right about following a programme, I've also had my fair share of alcohol induced bad experiences, as we all have. I'm finding it very hard today, its my 1st week to the day, and I'm feeling lonely, depressed, don't know how long this feelings going to last.. But still sober, and that's the thing spurring me on. Maybe it seems worse at the weekends, I don't know, but thats when I usually drank more. Hope your all ok..

hypochondriac

Give yourself the time to heal Nigel. We didn't get sick overnight and it'll take a while to start feeling well again. The emotional ups and downs will be a round for a bit but you will be able to cope with everything so much better sober x

Nigel1969

Thanks Hypo, I still don't actually feel clear headed, I could quite easy pour myself a can of beer right now, but I'm going to order a meal instead, maybe it's a hunger thing. It's just a dark day today, hopefully tomorrow gets brighter.

catlover17

Hey Nigel,

I'm very early to it all too, keeping safe as much as possible... really for the best, You really aren't missing out.. i think you'll enjoy the down time if you'll give it a chance... loved Peter G's posts, he knows from where he speaks it seems. I'm from the the UK too, watching the football? Ireland just lost, shame, shocking second goal though. Looked like the bad team in the park. I'm half irish. How do you think England will do tomorrow? Where you gonna watch it (if you are) ?

Take Care

miko67

England are gonny get slaughtered.
Peter g thanks for the words mate.

Nigel1969

Hi Cat, if England show no fear and are allowed to express themselves, I think they have a chance of getting something out the game. I'll just be watching by myself at home, there's no way I'm going out to pub. Hope it's a great game and we all enjoy it, probably be the 1st major championship we'll remember.

TheSubtleKnife

Nigel how did irt go? What did you drink? And did you enjoy your night? I hope you did in anycase.