Need a "plan" - TIPS?!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 184
Need a "plan" - TIPS?!
Hello all! So, I had to change my sobriety date to today. Even though I just joined two days ago, for some reason it was really hard to make what feels like a public announcement that, yes, I screwed up AGAIN.
Started as a food binge, actually, but that was so unpleasant I switched to alcohol. I was certain that I couldn't possibly get drunk with that much food in my stomach. I was wrong.
It wasn't as much of a fiasco as it sometimes is - the worst I did was text my manfriend (I'm 28 - a little old for a "boyfriend," no?) to tell him I love him, but I'm not good enough for him and, therefore, I know our relationship isn't going to go anywhere and I want to get out. In other words, although I don't remember doing so, I was thinking more or less clearly!
I don't actually want to "get out," and since I have, so far, kept my drunken drama to a minimum, he doesn't want me out, either. (It can get to that point. My history tells me so).
What I DO want, however, is to stop doing this. I've "tried" to stop doing this for a couple of years, but, obviously I'm missing something. I think I spend more time thinking than doing. I think too much in general. I think.
I am at the office currently, but have spent most of the morning scrolling through the forums. Someone (I'm sorry, I don't remember who) pointed out that many of us share similar drinking patterns, and the sobriety pattern, if you will, includes a PLAN.
I am reaching out to all of you and asking if you would please, please, give me some tips on creating a plan or just share what worked for you.
Sorry for all the run-on sentences (I swear I'm not still drunk, even though I sound like it - A.D.D. much?!). I'm new to posting and I am not at all comfortable sharing personal stories (with anyone); it's bound to be awkward!
Thank you in advance!
Started as a food binge, actually, but that was so unpleasant I switched to alcohol. I was certain that I couldn't possibly get drunk with that much food in my stomach. I was wrong.
It wasn't as much of a fiasco as it sometimes is - the worst I did was text my manfriend (I'm 28 - a little old for a "boyfriend," no?) to tell him I love him, but I'm not good enough for him and, therefore, I know our relationship isn't going to go anywhere and I want to get out. In other words, although I don't remember doing so, I was thinking more or less clearly!
I don't actually want to "get out," and since I have, so far, kept my drunken drama to a minimum, he doesn't want me out, either. (It can get to that point. My history tells me so).
What I DO want, however, is to stop doing this. I've "tried" to stop doing this for a couple of years, but, obviously I'm missing something. I think I spend more time thinking than doing. I think too much in general. I think.
I am at the office currently, but have spent most of the morning scrolling through the forums. Someone (I'm sorry, I don't remember who) pointed out that many of us share similar drinking patterns, and the sobriety pattern, if you will, includes a PLAN.
I am reaching out to all of you and asking if you would please, please, give me some tips on creating a plan or just share what worked for you.
Sorry for all the run-on sentences (I swear I'm not still drunk, even though I sound like it - A.D.D. much?!). I'm new to posting and I am not at all comfortable sharing personal stories (with anyone); it's bound to be awkward!
Thank you in advance!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 796
Welcome back!
You've realized you have a problem, and you're willing to do something about it. That's a plan already. Now, what to do? AA is a great start, it works for many. Others will be along with more sage advice than I can offer.
As for sobriety dates, I joined here I don't recall how many years ago, and I've been sober almost two and a half years. It took me awhile to 'get it' ! Even though I was suffering horribly from drinking.
You can stop, many of us here have. Listen to what peolple with some sober time recommend.
Best to you.
You've realized you have a problem, and you're willing to do something about it. That's a plan already. Now, what to do? AA is a great start, it works for many. Others will be along with more sage advice than I can offer.
As for sobriety dates, I joined here I don't recall how many years ago, and I've been sober almost two and a half years. It took me awhile to 'get it' ! Even though I was suffering horribly from drinking.
You can stop, many of us here have. Listen to what peolple with some sober time recommend.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
My plan was simple. The techniques from Rational Recovery taught me that while I may be powerless after I have taken that first drink of alcohol, I am in control of my body before I have that first drink. I have the choice whether or not I put that first drink to my lips. Once I realized this, I vowed to myself that if I ever had the temptation to drink, I would remind myself that I don't drink anymore and that no matter how bad I wanted a drink - I didn't need a drink. So far its been working for 54 days.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad ya see a problem and lookin for a solution. when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality and i was desperate, i chose to go to AA. 7 years later i havent regretted the choice and life is awesome.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fluttering About
Posts: 3,760
Hi bumble
Thanx for reaching out...That took some courage
I have been on this journey of recovery since 1985...continuously... I, too, needed to change my sobriety date in the beginning.
We do have tendency to substitute anything to fill that hole within ourselves. Afterall we have a spritual malady, a spritual sickenss and the only treatment for a spiritual sickness is a spiritual cure.
It has been my expereince that AA has filled that void, and that hole within me. I no longer seek , food, relationships, drugs, work or anything else to make me happy. That is often what we are searching for, anything outside ourselves that will give us an escape from what we perceive is the darkness within.
On this spritual journey I have found the Sunlight of the Spirit and it has lit up the recesses of my heart and soul and I have discovered through blood sweat and tears that I am not the ugly person I thought I was and I can create my own happiness. I can be at peace within my self. Today I am comfortable in my own skin. And i am NOT terminally unique.
This journey of recovery is not one I have to do alone...Others have paved the way and still others share the journey with me to encourage and support. All I had to do was reach out and rather than slap the hand away as I had done in the past..grab ahold and follow a few simple suggestions like put one foot ahead of the other and practice making changes in my life.
Doing the next right thing is sometimes as simple as not doing the next wrong thing..LOL
Peace on the journey
Thanx for reaching out...That took some courage
I have been on this journey of recovery since 1985...continuously... I, too, needed to change my sobriety date in the beginning.
We do have tendency to substitute anything to fill that hole within ourselves. Afterall we have a spritual malady, a spritual sickenss and the only treatment for a spiritual sickness is a spiritual cure.
It has been my expereince that AA has filled that void, and that hole within me. I no longer seek , food, relationships, drugs, work or anything else to make me happy. That is often what we are searching for, anything outside ourselves that will give us an escape from what we perceive is the darkness within.
On this spritual journey I have found the Sunlight of the Spirit and it has lit up the recesses of my heart and soul and I have discovered through blood sweat and tears that I am not the ugly person I thought I was and I can create my own happiness. I can be at peace within my self. Today I am comfortable in my own skin. And i am NOT terminally unique.
This journey of recovery is not one I have to do alone...Others have paved the way and still others share the journey with me to encourage and support. All I had to do was reach out and rather than slap the hand away as I had done in the past..grab ahold and follow a few simple suggestions like put one foot ahead of the other and practice making changes in my life.
Doing the next right thing is sometimes as simple as not doing the next wrong thing..LOL
Peace on the journey
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Hey Bumble, welcome to SR x
Your plan can be anything as long as you put your recovery first. I was completely confused by all the conflicting recovery methods initially. Now I'm just taking what I can from everything. Can't hurt to have lots of tools right? There's no right or wrong way. Just keep an open mind and do anything you can to stay sober x
Your plan can be anything as long as you put your recovery first. I was completely confused by all the conflicting recovery methods initially. Now I'm just taking what I can from everything. Can't hurt to have lots of tools right? There's no right or wrong way. Just keep an open mind and do anything you can to stay sober x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
I personally am fond of distraction techniques...
When I start to think about how much better I would feel if I just indulged in drinking and got the hell out of my head I have a list of things to do instead. I start working down the list, it includes things like call a friend, go for a walk, watch a movie, take a bubble bath, work out, even take a nap etc.
Sometimes, I even set a timer and say okay I am not going to drink for the next hour and I do something else, eventually the urge passes and I feel really good about myself for staying sober.
Drinking is one of the misguided ways that I learned to deal with my feelings. Sometimes I really just need to sit with the feeling that is causing me to want to drink. Lately that has been grief... I call someone who understands, write in my journal, go outside and sit on the grass, pray or meditate, and focus on accepting my feelings and letting them wash over me like waves in the ocean.
Hope that helps a bit. It can be hard facing life without mood-altering chemicals.
When I start to think about how much better I would feel if I just indulged in drinking and got the hell out of my head I have a list of things to do instead. I start working down the list, it includes things like call a friend, go for a walk, watch a movie, take a bubble bath, work out, even take a nap etc.
Sometimes, I even set a timer and say okay I am not going to drink for the next hour and I do something else, eventually the urge passes and I feel really good about myself for staying sober.
Drinking is one of the misguided ways that I learned to deal with my feelings. Sometimes I really just need to sit with the feeling that is causing me to want to drink. Lately that has been grief... I call someone who understands, write in my journal, go outside and sit on the grass, pray or meditate, and focus on accepting my feelings and letting them wash over me like waves in the ocean.
Hope that helps a bit. It can be hard facing life without mood-altering chemicals.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
A plan?...I looked for one where I could see results that worked...Some people like to hear a sermon...I like to see one. I dragged my ass to an AA meeting and there they were. Happy people talking about not having a drink for lot's of years. That's what I was looking for. I was one miserable, messed up, confused and terrified alcoholic. I had managed to lose everything I could possibly lose. I was literally knocking on heaven's door. You know what my plan was?....To do whatever the hell they told me to do...And it worked. But for the Grace of God and those wonderful people in AA that continue to help me I'm going to be a year sober in a few weeks...I couldn't string 2 days together when I got there. That my friend...Is a plan!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tonawanda, NY
Posts: 167
I had to make a genuine decision that I had a problem and I wanted better for myself and my loved ones. But I had to do it for myself before anyone else if it was really going to work.
I started an a detox then rehab. Not everyone is able to do that, I only ended up there because I overdosed.
In order for me to stay on the right path when I got out of rehab I:
Did 90 meetings in 90 days. I went to at least one meeting erveryday for 3 months. I now go to NA or AA meetings at least 5 days a week. I got rid of all old people, dont go to old places or do old things. I had to assess all of my relationship and decide who was not only worth keeping around, but healthy to keep around.
I also talk about my feelings.... A LOT. I do not keep things bottled up anymore. I am addressing issues from my past (i.e. multiple rapes, pregnancies, abuse, lies, betrayal etc.) The more I work on myself and deal with all of the things I buried for so long, the better I feel. I do not use my past as an excuse for why I used. I used because I wanted to, but I wanted to so that I could bury things. I didn't have proper coping mechanisms.
I took time off from working. I am 7 months and 1 week clean and am just looking for a new job now. I don't even completely feel ready for it but I am ready to start the process.
Find a support network. People you are comfortable being vulnerable with and use them when necessary. Make a list of healthy things to occupy your time so that you don't find yourself sitting aorund with nothing to do. Hunger, anger, lonely and tired are for big triggers for people- avoid those.
All of that is what worked for me. I do not know if it worked for you but take what you need and leave the rest
P.S. find a higher power. My higher power changes often. Somtimes its the group meetings, my counselor, my nephew- in addiction it was my drug. Whatever is stronger than I am....
God Bless
I started an a detox then rehab. Not everyone is able to do that, I only ended up there because I overdosed.
In order for me to stay on the right path when I got out of rehab I:
Did 90 meetings in 90 days. I went to at least one meeting erveryday for 3 months. I now go to NA or AA meetings at least 5 days a week. I got rid of all old people, dont go to old places or do old things. I had to assess all of my relationship and decide who was not only worth keeping around, but healthy to keep around.
I also talk about my feelings.... A LOT. I do not keep things bottled up anymore. I am addressing issues from my past (i.e. multiple rapes, pregnancies, abuse, lies, betrayal etc.) The more I work on myself and deal with all of the things I buried for so long, the better I feel. I do not use my past as an excuse for why I used. I used because I wanted to, but I wanted to so that I could bury things. I didn't have proper coping mechanisms.
I took time off from working. I am 7 months and 1 week clean and am just looking for a new job now. I don't even completely feel ready for it but I am ready to start the process.
Find a support network. People you are comfortable being vulnerable with and use them when necessary. Make a list of healthy things to occupy your time so that you don't find yourself sitting aorund with nothing to do. Hunger, anger, lonely and tired are for big triggers for people- avoid those.
All of that is what worked for me. I do not know if it worked for you but take what you need and leave the rest
P.S. find a higher power. My higher power changes often. Somtimes its the group meetings, my counselor, my nephew- in addiction it was my drug. Whatever is stronger than I am....
God Bless
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
You need to develop some new behaviors to replace the one's you are getting rid off.
If you are like most of us, you spent a lot of time acquiring booze, drinking booze, and then recovering from drinking booze. Getting rid of those behaviors is going to leave a time void in your life. There are many ways to fill this time, AA, SR, exercise, volunteering, prayer and meditation, . . .
If you are like most of us, you spent a lot of time acquiring booze, drinking booze, and then recovering from drinking booze. Getting rid of those behaviors is going to leave a time void in your life. There are many ways to fill this time, AA, SR, exercise, volunteering, prayer and meditation, . . .
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
I'm with Gordono......I use rational recovery also. If you go to the site there's a "crash course" that I read daily. Sober since April 21 , no slips, and NO desire to drink and I don't believe in relapses. My life is changing for the better on a daily basis. Keep in touch.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 184
This morning, I was ashamed and frustrated and panicking. I was complicating this. Your suggestions and kind words really helped me. I feel I can do this now!
After all, if a community of wonderful, anonymous strangers can take time out of their day to be kind to me, surely I can too!
After all, if a community of wonderful, anonymous strangers can take time out of their day to be kind to me, surely I can too!
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