Wow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: La Quinta, CA
Posts: 28
Wow
So I get up and go to a meeting this morning. I talk about how good I am feeling and how much peace I have and bam some guy is like well enjoy it because it won't last.. You could tell he was i a negative mood ,And it triggered me. It took me from feeling awesome to feeling like **** again. Just like that. This guy always seems to say something negative about what I say after I say it. I do t know what this guys problem is or what he has against me but it's making me think maybe aa isn't the place for me. Then someone who took me to a meeting one night was there and he totally avoided me like he didn't even know me.. Was just so weird this morning.. Felt so negative. Then they were talking about having to do steps and this work and that work and I'm sitting there thinking **** it took everything I had to get by ass out of bed and come to this meeting. I left the meeting immediately and came home and went for a walk like a four mile walk.. And thought about it. And I realize that I want so bad to be liked and accepted. All this is new to me and there is a huge void there that I am trying to fill up with being sober.. But it is not taking away my defects or need for approval from mostly men or to be included in a group. Not everyone is going to like me or accept me. I need to realize that. And I need to realize I do have a lot of work in front of me.. But not to feel overwhelmed when people talk about it.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Yogagirl, we alkies are a sensitive lot. I understand where you're coming from, but just remember to place "principles before personalities." There are a couple of people in my group who often rub me the wrong way. We have a guy who laughs like a friggin' hyena at EVERYTHING people say ... I mean, even the serious stuff. He even laughs at his own shares. It is really offensive to me and once I even had to leave the room because he was really getting under my skin. I thought his laughter was completely inappropriate and distracting. But then I thought about it and realized that the guy probably just has a couple of screws loose ... and that I was taking his laughter way too personally. My sponsor, who has 28 years of sobriety this week and has seen/done/heard it all, reminded me that he has earned his seat in that room too, and that while I might not like it, he has just as much right to be there as I do. Now I feel bad because he hasn't been to a meeting in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if he went back out ... 
This guy's negativity is more about him than it is about you. Just keep reminding yourself of that. There are some sober people out there who are pretty miserable people. I noticed them at my very first meeting and thought, "Geez, why bother getting sober if I'm going to be as miserable as that guy?!" After I started working the steps I realized that they have nothing to do with me. Yes, it stinks to be around people who are so negative, but they are not part of your journey and have their own issues. Surround yourself with people in the group who are positive and ignore the ones who aren't. Easier said than done, I realize, but when we let folks like this get under our skin and tweak our insecurities, it's a good indication that we still have lots of work to do. And that's okay.
Keep going back!!
This guy's negativity is more about him than it is about you. Just keep reminding yourself of that. There are some sober people out there who are pretty miserable people. I noticed them at my very first meeting and thought, "Geez, why bother getting sober if I'm going to be as miserable as that guy?!" After I started working the steps I realized that they have nothing to do with me. Yes, it stinks to be around people who are so negative, but they are not part of your journey and have their own issues. Surround yourself with people in the group who are positive and ignore the ones who aren't. Easier said than done, I realize, but when we let folks like this get under our skin and tweak our insecurities, it's a good indication that we still have lots of work to do. And that's okay.
Keep going back!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: La Quinta, CA
Posts: 28
Thank you desert
Really puts that in perspective for me. There are many personalities in the group. I just need to remember everyone has their story. I don't have a sponsor yet. No one I have met I have really related to and it's hard because I've never really had good relationships with women. My whole life. Not really sure why... But that's a whole other issue I need to work on. Thank you for your response and taking the time out. You helped me today! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
Yogagirl, I feel your pain- I started a thread about how people get on my nerves. Since then I have started to work on lovingkindess towards others- my favorite thought is, "we may not see eye-to-eye and I'm ok with that". My worst day sober has never been as bad as all my drinkin' days (or"daze")
maybe that guy doesn't agree.
maybe that guy doesn't agree.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Yogagirl1969 
So I get up and go to a meeting this morning. I talk about how good I am feeling and how much peace I have and bam some guy is like well enjoy it because it won't last.. You could tell he was i a negative mood ,And it triggered me. It took me from feeling awesome to feeling like **** again. Just like that. This guy always seems to say something negative about what I say after I say it. I do t know what this guys problem is or what he has against me but it's making me think maybe aa isn't the place for me. Then someone who took me to a meeting one night was there and he totally avoided me like he didn't even know me.. Was just so weird this morning.. Felt so negative. Then they were talking about having to do steps and this work and that work and I'm sitting there thinking **** it took everything I had to get by ass out of bed and come to this meeting. I left the meeting immediately and came home and went for a walk like a four mile walk.. And thought about it. And I realize that I want so bad to be liked and accepted. All this is new to me and there is a huge void there that I am trying to fill up with being sober.. But it is not taking away my defects or need for approval from mostly men or to be included in a group. Not everyone is going to like me or accept me. I need to realize that. And I need to realize I do have a lot of work in front of me.. But not to feel overwhelmed when people talk about it.
My sponsor used to say "Show me one of those alkies who have it all together and their life is going great. I'll rub a little salt in their a$$ and see how much serenity they have".
Keep going to the meetings and you'll gain a balance and awareness about what's really happening.
I think that other member just showed you how thin the veneer of peace and good feeling that you had really is, perhaps he should be thanked for the reality check.
What does your sponsor think about what happened ??
AA is the place for you. Perhaps sitting with that particular guy isn't right. I believe the new girls should be sitting with the girls in the beginning... but that's just my $0.02
As you keep going to the meetings, you will "get rubbed the wrong way" in literally every part of your life. We need that.
All the best. Keep coming back it does get better.
Bob R
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
You helped me too, yogagirl.
It's funny but now I use people like that to help me gauge where I am in my own recovery. If I let people/places/things irritate me, that says more about me than it does about them. Instead of just reacting with anger, hurt, irritation, etc., now I look at those feelings when they come and ask myself why it bothers me so much. Usually the common denominator in all of those scenarios with all of those different people is ME. Hmmmm ...
It's funny but now I use people like that to help me gauge where I am in my own recovery. If I let people/places/things irritate me, that says more about me than it does about them. Instead of just reacting with anger, hurt, irritation, etc., now I look at those feelings when they come and ask myself why it bothers me so much. Usually the common denominator in all of those scenarios with all of those different people is ME. Hmmmm ...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
The hardest thing for me to learn, remember and apply daily is that no one controls my feelings, emotions and behavior but me unless I choose to give it away. Hang in their, its your life not someone elses.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by desertsong
You helped me too, yogagirl.
It's funny but now I use people like that to help me gauge where I am in my own recovery. If I let people/places/things irritate me, that says more about me than it does about them. Instead of just reacting with anger, hurt, irritation, etc., now I look at those feelings when they come and ask myself why it bothers me so much. Usually the common denominator in all of those scenarios with all of those different people is ME. Hmmmm ...
It's funny but now I use people like that to help me gauge where I am in my own recovery. If I let people/places/things irritate me, that says more about me than it does about them. Instead of just reacting with anger, hurt, irritation, etc., now I look at those feelings when they come and ask myself why it bothers me so much. Usually the common denominator in all of those scenarios with all of those different people is ME. Hmmmm ...
Wishing everyone the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It's like they say...Some are sicker than others. Usually if I have a meeting that doesn't work for me...It comes down to my attitude that is the problem. I just mix it up...Try some different meetings....It always ends up good to be going back to my homegroup. Wer're all just a bunch of crazy alkies...With one common problem...And one common goal. That was nicely said desertsong....I hope the laughing guy didn't go back out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
It is easy to cop a resentment towards
someone, anyone, just like that for me.
I have learned over the years that
I can't control people, places and things
that ruffle my feathers while in recovery.
To hold a resentment or harbor a resentment
for any length of time festers deep within my
soul and heart and causes me more pain
than necessary. It can affect me spiritually,
mentally, emotionally, physically and I use
to numb all that pain with alcohol or in other
words, poison.
It takes practice, prayers, tears, and a recovery
program to help me give back all that cr@p
to those that want to hurt me. Give it back
to them and tell them to put it where the sun
dont shine.....lol ....because it aint mine.
I have enough on my own plate then to worry
what's eating at their own craw, if you know what
I mean.
My peace and serenity is worth so much more
than someone elses misery. With that comes
joy, peace of mine and gratefulness to live one
more day sober.
someone, anyone, just like that for me.
I have learned over the years that
I can't control people, places and things
that ruffle my feathers while in recovery.
To hold a resentment or harbor a resentment
for any length of time festers deep within my
soul and heart and causes me more pain
than necessary. It can affect me spiritually,
mentally, emotionally, physically and I use
to numb all that pain with alcohol or in other
words, poison.
It takes practice, prayers, tears, and a recovery
program to help me give back all that cr@p
to those that want to hurt me. Give it back
to them and tell them to put it where the sun
dont shine.....lol ....because it aint mine.
I have enough on my own plate then to worry
what's eating at their own craw, if you know what
I mean.
My peace and serenity is worth so much more
than someone elses misery. With that comes
joy, peace of mine and gratefulness to live one
more day sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Three things to consider,
1. If I like everyone I meet in AA, I havent been to enough meetings.
2. What others think of me is none of my business.
3. No one but myself can make me "Feel" like anything.
1. If I like everyone I meet in AA, I havent been to enough meetings.
2. What others think of me is none of my business.
3. No one but myself can make me "Feel" like anything.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
We love and accept you just the way you are :-). And you are completely and unconditionally accepted in this group.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to admit publicly that you believe you have an issue with wanting to be liked and accepted. I think most of us want that, Yogagirl. I found that was a "problem" for me, too. I spent a lot of time in the past pleasing others, doing things to gain acceptance, and being dependent on others for my happiness and well-being. The light-bulb turned on for me a couple years ago when I got divorced, and subsequently spent a lot of time on my own while working on gaining a greater sense of independence, as opposed to depending on the reactions and emotions of others. If that makes sense?
Good on ya for posting your feelings!
It takes a lot of strength and courage to admit publicly that you believe you have an issue with wanting to be liked and accepted. I think most of us want that, Yogagirl. I found that was a "problem" for me, too. I spent a lot of time in the past pleasing others, doing things to gain acceptance, and being dependent on others for my happiness and well-being. The light-bulb turned on for me a couple years ago when I got divorced, and subsequently spent a lot of time on my own while working on gaining a greater sense of independence, as opposed to depending on the reactions and emotions of others. If that makes sense?
Good on ya for posting your feelings!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
If you look around, have an open mind & use the tools available to us all, you WILL find a path which speaks of the solution in the moment, THIS MOMENT!
RIGHT HERE & RIGHT NOW! The only moment I have....
No drunk o logs, profanity and blaming other people. No staying in the problem talking of how life sucks.....how miserable everything/body is. No attacks.
I sent you a link a while back that has the best meetings I have ever attended which truly focuses on the solution. They are archived & you can listen to them free, anytime you wish.
It took me years to find this message and it changed my life. Perhaps it could change yours.
If anyone else might be interested, please send me a PM. I am willing to bet if you are an AA or non AAer, you will hear information that will help you have a better life.
RIGHT HERE & RIGHT NOW! The only moment I have....
No drunk o logs, profanity and blaming other people. No staying in the problem talking of how life sucks.....how miserable everything/body is. No attacks.
I sent you a link a while back that has the best meetings I have ever attended which truly focuses on the solution. They are archived & you can listen to them free, anytime you wish.
It took me years to find this message and it changed my life. Perhaps it could change yours.
If anyone else might be interested, please send me a PM. I am willing to bet if you are an AA or non AAer, you will hear information that will help you have a better life.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
It starts when we learn how to love ourselves.
working on the steps can help. The steps are the real AA program, not the meetings.
If you thinking it won't work for you, try finding another program of recovery.
working on the steps can help. The steps are the real AA program, not the meetings.
If you thinking it won't work for you, try finding another program of recovery.
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