sandra756

Hi everyone. I am new on SR. My story's theme is similar to many but I started drinking only about 10 years ago in my 30s and since then have gone down the slippery slope. From one beer a few times a week, I am now at the point that beer is not enough, even 6-7, and a few days ago, I started to chug glasses of wine to get the hit faster. So I can see that if I don't do anything about this, maybe 10 years later I will be drinking vodka next to my bed before work (if nothing bad happens to me before then). I am grateful that I don't have to hit a physical/materialistic rock bottom, but that yukky feeling in me is certainly at an all time low (and I hope not to have to get to that stage where it is REALLY bad before I quit for good). I have tried moderating but no. I give up for 8 weeks in 2011-early 2012 but relapsed. Then again for 4 weeks in March, then relapsed. So I know I CAN do it, just need the support like many of you said. I can't do AA now because I am travelling and will be for two months, but I want to stay dry in these two months at least, with your support. Right now, I don't want to think so far into the future, it is just one day at a time, one minute at a time. It is only about 12 noon so I will post again when it is drink time (earlier and earlier these days about 3pm). Let me remember these things

- The challenge is not 'not drinking', it is about loving me and taking care of me, and believing in something bigger, and so why not?
- I really like the high I have when I am sober and living moment to moment
- That high is much better than the high of alcohol
- I want to feel fit and sexy again
- I admit that I have a problem, I am addicted to alcohol
- Alcohol is poison and I don't want to poison myself
- Overcoming this addiction creates an opportunity for me to live spiritually and practice moment to moment awareness
- Forgiving myself, over and over, is an act of self-love
- Not drinking, again and again, is an act of self love
- I have quit cold turkey twice before and it was way easier than I thought!
- I love not having an addiction and tied to something like a slave
- The cravings go away after a while
- I love not having to think about alcohol or worse, revolve my day around it
- I want to relive the days (when I quit) that I don't even THINK about drinking after some time
- I WANT TO LOVE AND CARE FOR MYSELF AGAIN! I WANT TO BE RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY AGAIN!

Let me re-read this list over and over to have the strength not to drink today. Just today. Just today. Just today.

(would love to hear YOUR own encouragement for what has worked for you too- let's support each other!):

BillyPilgrim

Sandra that's a great list

For me the best thing was waking up on a Monday morning sober. Just to feel good after a weekend was wonderful

I am also a lot happier, bad things still happen, but I can take them in context

Good luck in your journey, it really is worth it
BP

Luling

I like your list, Sandra; I can identify with a lot of what you write. Definitely come hang out here at drink time if you're feeling tempted. That's what I've been doing, and I can't even tell you much the people here have helped.

As far as what's worked for me, I'm still figuring it out. But I think a lot of us are still figuring it out, and it's nice to be able to communicate with others about what we're going through.

Will2011

I really identify with the ridiculously happy one. I had that the other day to the point of it hurting, i was looking at trees blowing in the wind and everything appeared so vibrant and crystal clear and i was living in the now and i realised i did have a future.

2granddaughters

"I WANT TO BE RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY AGAIN!"

You might want to rephrase that one.. that's why I took to the bottle in the first place.

The "Promises" of AA say that "we will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace" . When I prejudge what sobriety should be I set myself up for a great fall.
Today I try to work a good program and be satisfied with what comes from that.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

Bob R

Will2011

-Getting things done and not postoning them until another time to have a drink
-Having motivation to cook proper healthy meals and having new found discipline to eat in moderation
-Energy to go to gym, look after body with stretching, walking instead of public transport
-Having attention span to read books and watch movies again!

forabetterlife

Thank you for this post Sandra, your list is very similar to my own. But 3 weeks was the longest stretch of sobriety I've managed to accomplish lately so you may be a few steps ahead of me. What I am learning, though, throughout this past year of "trying" is 1)that craving time is the critical (whatever time of the day it maybe for each of us) and we need an exact, decisive plan for what to do, think, feel, write, where to turn. When I leave that up to the moment, that's when I fail. 2) Constantly remind myself that being sober feels so much better than drinking, as much as that that voice in our head tells us how great a drink would be. NOTHING is better than being sober, present, and healthy, knowing our bodies and minds are working just as they should.

BillyPilgrim

Bob
Remember the words of Oscar Wilde
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

There is no reason to expect the best, it is not necessarily Panglossian

sandra756

Thanks everyone! How inspiring. I am just trolling these forums and reading all the posts as it is slowly getting closer to drink time (3pm here now). I am just going to keep posting and posting for the first week, and then I really want to keep going. Right now, I am set on not drinking for the time I am away on this business trip (2 months), but I know I need do it moment by moment.

Will2011- Yes, those are the moments aren't they? We miss them entirely most times, drinking or not. But ironically recovery is so much about living in the present, moment to moment. I see the opportunity here.

ABetterLife- I am on Day 1 (again) so I don't know about me being ahead of you. Would love to hear more about your journey, did you share your story on the Newcomer's page? Maybe we can do this step by step together. I am just tired of feeling bad about me, and I'm tired of not loving me well. And it feels so good when I take care of myself, so why don't I????

frances2011

Welcome! Make yourself at home.

I love the exuberance in your post and list. I am an enthusiastic person so it resonates with me.

I love that you are seeing the endgame that alcohol has for us and are TAKING ACTION TODAY to make your life better. Way to go! You can do this.

What helped me in early days.

1) The game was to WAKE UP SOBER. If I did, the whole day could be healthy and bright. So therefore, all I had to do was GO TO BED SOBER. Some days I just turned in early if my cravings where bad or I felt sad or angry or tired. The rewards were sleeping better, waking up earlier and getting the positive boost of starting my day.

2)Exercise. I was training for my first half marathon in my early days. I scheduled workouts during the 5-7pm slot when I wanted to guzzle wine. You said you are traveling but I bet you could find local gyms to drop in for a workout? Or another possibility?

3) Find a home here on SR. Post and read as much as you want! Check out the monthly threads, the gratitude threads, the exercise threads, the healthy eating threads....or start your own. My March 2011 thread is my home base.

4) Get Sobriety Tools. Thinks like "Play the tape all the way to the end". "HALT--Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired" The gratitude threads are WONDERFUL for helping us focus on the good and positive.

5) Find and learn from people who have what you want. You'll find regular posters here soon enough who are living the life and attitudes you want.

Again, Welcome!

llastchance8

Sandra, Your list is very very good. Each of the points are profound. Keep working on it and you will succeed. Best of luck ..

GreenBear

Sandra

I like your list too

Definitely have a plan A and a fallback. For me I have a plan for today, a plan for trigger times, a plan for this week, and the thoughts for a plan for longer time....wow thinking and acting like I will actually be functionally present for a future date...who is this typing?

On Happiness: Yesterday was the first day I Was really happy for things I was doing right! I just could not stop grinning. It was the first time that it sunk in that I am actually doing this. Actually attacking my recovery as best I see it.
Before I had bits and pieces of things / Thoughts that would be right but I could never put them all together. They aren't all together now but working a 12 step has a helped me link at least some of them together as I rebuild my thinking to help me stop the "stinkin thinkin" that will lead to my failure and likely demise.

Keep hammering away.

sandra756

Thanks for all the responses. Greenbear I love hearing about your happiness attack! That is really what I want for myself too. Had the grin on my face and pride in my heart, but then gave it all away to being too complacent one night and saying yes to a beer.

It is still Day 1 for me although it feels like an eternity. I have been anxious all day (not sure related to withdrawal or not) but now am feeling a little more grounded after I have:

- set some small goals for these 2 months about living well and taking care of myself (exercising, meditating, etc)
- fed myself some of my favorite comfort food
- drank a lot of water
- trying to live with a good routine and time structure despite the fact that I am on the road on a business trip half across the globe (ie stop working at 5pm, dinner at proper time etc).

awuh1

The happiness quest is an understandable path to take but it is often a misguided method for gaining long term freedom from alcohol. You will find lots support for this method (in fact for just about any method of getting sober) here. This is because there are lots of people struggling to find a way themselves. The trouble is many have not found a way. They hope that their good intentions and support will be all you need. I sincerely hope that they are correct but I believe in a vast majority of cases they are not. Nevertheless their support, because they are in the same approximate place on their journey is indeed valuable.

I’m not saying all this to make you unhappy. Quite the contrary. I just think you need to look at the method you use quite carefully. There are two quite different methods discussed on this site. Both have a proven track record. One is AVRT and you can find a lot of talk about it in the secular connections forum. The other is AA. There are also a few people here who have used combinations of these and other methods to stay sober over the long term. I suggest allowing their voices to carry a bit more weight. For me the path to happiness was not a straight line but a path on which I needed a map and guides to successfully travel. It was not easy.

Here’s to wishing you happiness … but even more, here’s to wishing you sucess and a meaningful journey.

sandra756

Hi everyone, thanks for the advice and kind words. I'm doing well for Day 1. At drinking time, I went for a long walk and then to the supermarket to get fruit, vegetables and all things good. Walked by the beer section and felt a twinge that went away as soon as I was at the cashier and felt proud and happy at my loot. No alcohol, and it feels darn good. I crave the freedom and pride more than alcohol tonight. Then home and for whatever reason not really craving. SR helps keep me accountable. OK, Day one is done (well 2 more hours to bed) and I'm looking forward to waking up sober tomorrow morning.

Will2011

Glad to hear it Sandra, keep on being strong and keep us posted with how you get on during your travels!