tomsteve

got any plans on what yer gonna do different to stay stopped? from personal experience, stopping drinking and not changing me led me back to drinking.

JimJim

Welcome Sober D,

I'm a similar age and have similar thought patterns to yourself. There is a lot of wisdom here I found on this forum and it amazes me how we all think the same. I seem to find that we are all on different stages of accepting that we are DONE with alcohol and you will find the themes yourself. I am staying sober and in the stages of being done, but I am still searching for that enlightenment if I am honest.

Good luck with your journey, I am right here with you.

SoberD

Good info - yes, I certainly don't want to make an issue of it or create some lengthy explanation. I know the question will come up, "Why aren't you drinking?" and want to be prepared - I was thinking something simple along the lines of "I'm not really much of a drinker anymore" and just leave it at that.

YVRguy

In situations I find myself near alcohol being offered or served , and good lord , my own house has been the main point of consumption in the last few years, I think a no thanks but <insert juice/soda/sparkling water> would be nice.

For people who know me, they have seen my waver back and forth so it won't surprise them saying no thanks. For colleagues and people from my past , probably shock them but that's okay compared to electrocuting myself with alcohol. I think most people either won't care or may even be relieved, if they know me, to hear me decline.

What I know is if its not a place I should be , I can leave , which may be the best thing to do anyways.

SoberD

Well, to fill the void (of parting ways with alcohol), I will need to occupy my mind and time with activities that I enjoy as much as or more than drinking, which are many. I believe that I can re-learn to enjoy life without alcohol just as I taught myself to depend on it for enjoyment - In other words, I associated alcohol with everything "fun" in my life and now need to associate my fun activities with being sober...

SoberD

Thanks JimJim - it is amazing to find such like-minded people to be able to share with (because my drinking buddies are certainly not the people with whom to share my alcohol woes)...

Hevyn

As everyone else said - fantastic list. Thanks for all the thought you put into that. It will help many, and I appreciate the reminder.

I wish I'd seen at 32 what I needed to do. I commend you for refusing to go down that miserable road so many of us have. You'll never regret this decision. We're very happy to have you here with us.

Sapling

I also think it's a great list...Very much like mine. I guess the only one I could add is I couldn't live like that anymore and it was going to kill me. Why do I think it was going to kill me?....Because my doctor said..."If you keep drinking like that it's going to kill you." Cutting down was not an option for me. I had to stop for good. In order for me to do that I had to do something different than what I did for the many times I failed before. So...I guess my question to you would be...What are you going to do different than what you did before?

Zencat

I like the great proactive list you have SoberD. You are going to do very well with your quest to stay sober. Maybe I can help with the: "What are you going to do that is different this time?" question.

Its a great question.

Here are some great answers.

• Having a change in perspective will make a difference than before.
• Learning and practicing a new recovery tool = difference.
• Understanding the nature of addiction = difference.
• Fostering new beliefs about your ability to be recovered = difference.
• Learning and practicing new ways to cope with difficult emotions = difference.
• Starting a new healthy diet = difference.
• Learn new money management skills = difference.
• Go to stop smoking classes for support = difference.

I bet you can add more things to the list SoberD that will get you past the "What are you going to do that is different this time?" conundrum.

Sapling

Its a great question.

Here are some great answers.
[*]Having a change in perspective will make a difference than before.
A complete pyschic change

[*]Learning and practicing a new recovery tool = difference.
The 12 steps.

[*]Understanding the nature of addiction = difference.
The Doctor's Opinion and chapter's 1 through 3 of the Big Book.

[*]Fostering new beliefs about your ability to be recovered = difference.
Steps 1 through 3

[*]Learning and practicing new ways to cope with difficult emotions = difference.
Steps 4 through 9



That's exactly what I did.

ThursdayNight

Also, I am curious what people here say when not drinking in situations where alcohol is available and/or when offered a drink...? For example, "I don't drink anymore," "I quit drinking," "I don't do well with alcohol," etc...? In the past I would just say "I'm taking a break from drinking" but this time the "break" is permanent...

I found a good one for this - I tell people I'm the "Designated Driver" and I always get a thumbs up and free soda when out with my friends who drink. My "mocktail" of choice is cranberry juice with seltzer water and a twist of lime. Also, margarita mix with seltzer water and fresh mint leaves is a good one. Just saying "Designated Driver" makes me proud of myself....I'm the responsible one with the clear head who can still be out with my friends, having a good time.

oh2exhale

good thread SoberD - I dont use a list to help me stay stopped, just the memory of my last drunk episode (among coworkers, not the first time either :-/) my behavior was always humiliatingly similar - I always thought I was funny (berating someone present), always thought I was smart/cleaver(telling someone what an a$$ they were for keeping a guy/losing a guy) How sexy I was ( sitting on peoples laps and forcing a kiss by pinching their cheeks into a pucker) - I was hell on gin. At least I was consistant! I remember trying to force others to drink, I would not take NO for an answer but I did accept it when people said they were allergic - that intrigued me, "How do you know your allergic to alcohol?
HA, noones allergic to alcohol" I would slur.
"Everytime I drink it I throw up. Now, I cant even stand to smell it!" Wow. I thought, now that is interersting. It was a damned good excuse too cus I didnt push it after that! I came to eventually understand that I too have an obsession mixed with an allergy! So, I am planning on using it if anyone becomes too pushy like I was!
Dang glad to be sober TODAY!!

SoberD

Certainly a good question and one that I have pondered before embarking on this (final) mission for sobriety. What I have done so far is read the Big Book cover to cover and an excellent book called Beyond the Influence. Also, this is the first time I have sought the support of an online forum of like-minded people facing the same problem. I will also be seeing a substance abuse counselor on a regular basis. So the combination of education, treatment, support, and an incredible sense of motivation is primarily what I intend to rely upon for success. In addition, I have made and will be making some significant lifestyle changes such as increasing my participation in new activities (that I enjoyed in the past such as working out, biking, jogging, etc.) to fill the void of alcohol. I feel like my biggest issue will be the need for socialization as I won't be "hitting the bars" with my old drinking buddies and am presently single. Any thoughts or suggestions?

SoberD

That is a good one and now that I won't be the hammered one at every social function, it can actually be true! That's funny about the "fake drinks" - I never drink soda or juice so I was trying to figure out which (nonalcoholic) drink to order so won't be standing around with my hands in my pockets (and/or having people asking me why I'm not drinking)...perhaps Iced Tea (of the non-Long Island variety)...Btw, ThursdayNight, I am originally from your neck of the woods - Westlake Village.

Sapling

I take it you aren't big on meetings?...That's what I replaced bars with...Still hanging out with alcoholics...Just alcoholics that don't drink...Made some great friends. What did you think of the Big Book?...Could you relate to that?

oh2exhale

The type of rootbeer I like comes in a long neck bottle, slip it in a coozie and noone bothers me. Also, the rootbeer in a wine glass looks like red wine - no one ever asks!
I am sure that iced tea in a short rocks glass looks like whisky, gingerale with a stir stick in it, diet coke with a lime on a stick looks like a mixed drink. As long as the party host or whoever is bringing you drinks knows what it is - or you only make your own.

SoberD

During my last sobriety stint, I did attend several AA meetings (for the first time) and to be honest, I don't think I gave it enough of a chance (before I relapsed after 50 days) to really get into it. However, my life philosophy tends to be more on the "secular" side so I have been looking at SMART and SOS. Nonetheless, the spritual aspect of AA is not a deal-breaker for me and I am open to giving it another shot - perhaps one of the younger groups/chapters. Are there a lot of success stories for those who don't attend meetings because to answer your question, yes, I am "not that big on them" but will do what it takes to give me the best chance of sobriety.

Sapling

I go to meetings because I like them. It keeps me grounded and reminds me where I came from. I like the people. It gives me a chance to learn about myself and help newer people to the program...That's how it works...The steps are the program of recovery...I guess if you read the book you'd have seen that. The whole thing works for me...And I was a hopeless chronic alcoholic...I haven't had a drink in 11 months after 35 years of drinking....The whole secret is...You have to want it. Probably true with whatever method you want to try. It's there if you ever need it. Good luck to you...However you do it.

SoberD

Thanks Sapling - the desire to quit is undoubtedly there and stronger than ever. I suppose in the simplest terms, my approach is to never put a bottle, can, or glass of alcohol to my mouth and drink it. Of course, however, I understand how cunning this demon can be and how the mind has an incredible capacity to rationalize. In any event though, I believe that over time I will also feel the need for fellowship and interaction that seems to help many on SR with recovery (and for which I am here).

Sapling

This site is great...I just need a little more than that...I can't afford to go back to where I was. I was five months sober when I found this site. It's wonderful.