Is This What Hitting Bottom Is Like ??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Posts: 32
Is This What Hitting Bottom Is Like ??
I have been heading towards a bottom since 2007 and now I may be hitting it. I have a severe addiction but not to drugs or alcohol - still so powerful I have tried a thousand times to stop in the past 40 years.
I used to joke that it was an addiction but in the past few months I am seeing through all the denial and numbing and I am a friggin mess......I see how much I don’t like myself - I can hardly function - my anxiety is crippling and I cant eat much or sleep and I am in mental and physical torture all day.
I am overwhelmed looking back at my life and how I thought I could get away with it all - well on one level I did get away with it but now I see that on a deep soul level I am reaping my past behaviors.
I can barely make it another hour and there is no way I can work and hardly leave the house.
So is this what hitting bottom is like - I feel like I am going to die or afraid I wont??
I used to joke that it was an addiction but in the past few months I am seeing through all the denial and numbing and I am a friggin mess......I see how much I don’t like myself - I can hardly function - my anxiety is crippling and I cant eat much or sleep and I am in mental and physical torture all day.
I am overwhelmed looking back at my life and how I thought I could get away with it all - well on one level I did get away with it but now I see that on a deep soul level I am reaping my past behaviors.
I can barely make it another hour and there is no way I can work and hardly leave the house.
So is this what hitting bottom is like - I feel like I am going to die or afraid I wont??
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Bottom is relative for us. I've been know to hit bottom pull out my shovel and keep digging. The only thing that helped was to find support. I couldn't do it on my own. I hope the very best for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
I feel for you, but I'm only experienced in alcohol-related breakdowns (ie, mine).
Do you have a doctor that you can see, who you can explain all this to.
I'm not saying get a quick-fix pill, but maybe he/she could refer you to some kind of support network more suited to your anxieties.
My way of looking at it is... I have both my arms and legs... I can hear and I can see. Alot of people cannot.
My mother passed away from cancer... didn't drink or smoke. She was scared, very scared as it spread through her body.
When I feel anxiety, I rationalise it. Simple.
Do you have a doctor that you can see, who you can explain all this to.
I'm not saying get a quick-fix pill, but maybe he/she could refer you to some kind of support network more suited to your anxieties.
My way of looking at it is... I have both my arms and legs... I can hear and I can see. Alot of people cannot.
My mother passed away from cancer... didn't drink or smoke. She was scared, very scared as it spread through her body.
When I feel anxiety, I rationalise it. Simple.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
for me, bottom of any addiction is death. i cant get no lower than that. i am greatful i got off the elevator goin down and took the steps back up. you can too iffen ya want.
reading other threads ya started, some very good solutions have already been given to ya and i hope ya make a decision to get into one of em.
reading other threads ya started, some very good solutions have already been given to ya and i hope ya make a decision to get into one of em.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Bottom is a decision to me- it was the moment I knew I could not live my life this way for one more second.
If doctors and therapists & Western medicine have not helped, maybe you need to think outside the box - are there Native American methods that might help, perhaps?
There's also a large number of obsessive complusive self help groups around - perhaps you'll find guidance and advice there too?
Psych Central: Obsessive-Compulsive: Support Groups
D
If doctors and therapists & Western medicine have not helped, maybe you need to think outside the box - are there Native American methods that might help, perhaps?
There's also a large number of obsessive complusive self help groups around - perhaps you'll find guidance and advice there too?
Psych Central: Obsessive-Compulsive: Support Groups
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I have addictions beyond drugs and booze and know how debilitating and life stealing they are.
Here is a site that I have found useful, as it does not focus on any particular addiction. I have found it an important part of my recovery tool box.
Addiction | Addiction Recovery | Addiction Treatment | Codependency | Shamanic Healing
Here is a site that I have found useful, as it does not focus on any particular addiction. I have found it an important part of my recovery tool box.
Addiction | Addiction Recovery | Addiction Treatment | Codependency | Shamanic Healing
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: midwest USA
Posts: 37
SPIRITUAL WARRIOR
Life offers us the opportunity to become a Spiritual Warrior.
A warrior is one who bravely goes into those dark areas within
themselves to ferret out the Truth of their being.
It takes great courage, stamina and endurance to
become a Spiritual Warrior.
The path is narrow, the terrain rough and rocky.
You will walk alone: through the dark caves,
up those steep climbs and through the dense thick forest.
You will meet your dark side. The faces of fear, deceit, and
sadness all await your arrival.
No one can take this journey but you.
There comes a time, in each of our lives,
when we are given the choice to follow this path.
Should we decide to embark on this journey,
we can never turn back.... Our lives are changed forever
On this journey, there are many different places we can
choose to slip into and hide. But the path goes on.
The Spiritual Warrior stays the course, wounded at times,
exhausted and out of energy. Many times, the Warrior will
struggle back to their feet to take only a few steps before
falling again.
Rested, they forge on,
continuing the treacherous path.
The journey continues. The Spiritual Warrior
stays the course. Weakened, but never broken.
One day, the battle, loneliness and desperate fights are over.
The sun breaks through the clouds; the birds begin to sing
their sweet melodies. There is a change in the energy.
A deep change within the self.
The warrior has fought the courageous fight.
The battle of the dark night of the soul is won.
New energy now fills the Warrior.
A new path is now laid before them.
A gentler path filled with the inner-knowing
of one who has personal empowerment.
With their personal battle won, they are filled with joy.
A new awareness that they are one with the Spirit beams
as they go forth to show others the way.
They are not permitted to walk the path for others.
They can only love, guide and be a living example
of the Truth of their being.
Life offers us the opportunity to become a Spiritual Warrior.
A warrior is one who bravely goes into those dark areas within
themselves to ferret out the Truth of their being.
It takes great courage, stamina and endurance to
become a Spiritual Warrior.
The path is narrow, the terrain rough and rocky.
You will walk alone: through the dark caves,
up those steep climbs and through the dense thick forest.
You will meet your dark side. The faces of fear, deceit, and
sadness all await your arrival.
No one can take this journey but you.
There comes a time, in each of our lives,
when we are given the choice to follow this path.
Should we decide to embark on this journey,
we can never turn back.... Our lives are changed forever
On this journey, there are many different places we can
choose to slip into and hide. But the path goes on.
The Spiritual Warrior stays the course, wounded at times,
exhausted and out of energy. Many times, the Warrior will
struggle back to their feet to take only a few steps before
falling again.
Rested, they forge on,
continuing the treacherous path.
The journey continues. The Spiritual Warrior
stays the course. Weakened, but never broken.
One day, the battle, loneliness and desperate fights are over.
The sun breaks through the clouds; the birds begin to sing
their sweet melodies. There is a change in the energy.
A deep change within the self.
The warrior has fought the courageous fight.
The battle of the dark night of the soul is won.
New energy now fills the Warrior.
A new path is now laid before them.
A gentler path filled with the inner-knowing
of one who has personal empowerment.
With their personal battle won, they are filled with joy.
A new awareness that they are one with the Spirit beams
as they go forth to show others the way.
They are not permitted to walk the path for others.
They can only love, guide and be a living example
of the Truth of their being.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Posts: 32
Rose
Thank you for that beautiful post.
My addiction is a bit unique. I steal from corporations using the internet. Probably the same high as shoplifting or sex...well maybe not sex.
It is a game, penetrate the corporation, find the right people in PR to talk to and then get stuff. The stuff hardly matters it is the game of it all.
Then after I do it the recriminaton and questions as to why I did it and I then feel like a bad person
Thank you for that beautiful post.
My addiction is a bit unique. I steal from corporations using the internet. Probably the same high as shoplifting or sex...well maybe not sex.
It is a game, penetrate the corporation, find the right people in PR to talk to and then get stuff. The stuff hardly matters it is the game of it all.
Then after I do it the recriminaton and questions as to why I did it and I then feel like a bad person
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Media samples, as in, electronic sounds/pictures/videos etc?
Its interesting because there are a wide range of addictions as well as there being a wide range of phobias. Different strokes and all that.
I can kind of relate... I used to get a buzz from going to job interviews (when there were jobs going!) I was never nervous even though I suffer from anxiety!
Also, when you know a trade and you know 'the game' and the mark-ups that are charged etc. you know how to cut corners.
I'm planning on getting some free samples in the future from a paper merchants because I know I can because I used to work in print ha ha! (Don't try this at home folks!)
Not sure what to say... are you scamming millions? Are you harming peoples health? Harming your own health?
Aren't there freebie websites out there doing the same thing?
PLEASE correct me if I am way off the mark!
Its interesting because there are a wide range of addictions as well as there being a wide range of phobias. Different strokes and all that.
I can kind of relate... I used to get a buzz from going to job interviews (when there were jobs going!) I was never nervous even though I suffer from anxiety!
Also, when you know a trade and you know 'the game' and the mark-ups that are charged etc. you know how to cut corners.
I'm planning on getting some free samples in the future from a paper merchants because I know I can because I used to work in print ha ha! (Don't try this at home folks!)
Not sure what to say... are you scamming millions? Are you harming peoples health? Harming your own health?
Aren't there freebie websites out there doing the same thing?
PLEASE correct me if I am way off the mark!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
