mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida US
Posts: 296
Gordano
I am familiar with the grief you describe. In my case, it didn't last long and was replaced by gratitude. However, now that I think about it, the mental images I grieved we're those of the few times I was able to enjoy a couple of glasses of red and not leave the house for more. For some reason, my mind never recalls the times I drove around drunk with my kid in the car to go get that second bottle. Funny how these images are totally ignored by my brain.
Thanks for sharing about the grief some of us have to process once we decide recovery is the path for us.
Best wishes
I am familiar with the grief you describe. In my case, it didn't last long and was replaced by gratitude. However, now that I think about it, the mental images I grieved we're those of the few times I was able to enjoy a couple of glasses of red and not leave the house for more. For some reason, my mind never recalls the times I drove around drunk with my kid in the car to go get that second bottle. Funny how these images are totally ignored by my brain.
Thanks for sharing about the grief some of us have to process once we decide recovery is the path for us.
Best wishes
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by NatalieN 
Gordano
I am familiar with the grief you describe. In my case, it didn't last long and was replaced by gratitude. However, now that I think about it, the mental images I grieved we're those of the few times I was able to enjoy a couple of glasses of red and not leave the house for more. For some reason, my mind never recalls the times I drove around drunk with my kid in the car to go get that second bottle. Funny how these images are totally ignored by my brain.
Thanks for sharing about the grief some of us have to process once we decide recovery is the path for us.
Best wishes
I am familiar with the grief you describe. In my case, it didn't last long and was replaced by gratitude. However, now that I think about it, the mental images I grieved we're those of the few times I was able to enjoy a couple of glasses of red and not leave the house for more. For some reason, my mind never recalls the times I drove around drunk with my kid in the car to go get that second bottle. Funny how these images are totally ignored by my brain.
Thanks for sharing about the grief some of us have to process once we decide recovery is the path for us.
Best wishes
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by Anna
Gordano, I hope you can get through this.
Have you read 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning alcoholic woman and her love affair with alcohol. It's a very inspiring book.
Have you read 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning alcoholic woman and her love affair with alcohol. It's a very inspiring book.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by gordano
I was more upset that my safety blanket was forever gone and that I would have to face my problems head on. This seems like a daunting task, but one that needs to be done. Later that night I was able to start working on the cause of my stress and I felt good that I was now resolving my problems instead of ignoring them. The hardest part for me about being sober is being unable to check out of reality when the stress is overwhelming.
I guess for me it's thinking that if I check out of stress.. when I come back to deal with it then it's all much worse. I think booze did that to me all the time e.g. the grieving, stress, pain I avoided (or thought I did) came back to get me in the end.
I really like the line where you are saying that you are now resolving your issues instead of ignoring them, it felt good for me to read that.
I'm trying to deal with stress I get by doing mindfulness and yoga. I'm also thinking about getting a sponsor in AA.
Do whatever works for you in dealing with the stress, hang in there, you sound like you are doing well (and congrats on the sobriety)
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
"I'm trying to deal with stress I get by doing mindfulness and yoga"
I have been trying this for the last year and I still find it difficult. I suspect its because it takes a lot of effort and practice as opposed to instant gratification from drugs or alcohol. My mind needs to learn patience.
I have been trying this for the last year and I still find it difficult. I suspect its because it takes a lot of effort and practice as opposed to instant gratification from drugs or alcohol. My mind needs to learn patience.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I think what you're feeling is TOTALLY normal for 49 days sober. :ghug3
I drank to escape, too. What I found after getting sober is that I was constantly telling myself negative things (fears, worries.... some real, some not). I felt like a victim of my own thoughts and emotions.
It's normal to miss the relief alcohol gives, but there really are other ways of getting that relief that are totally superior to being numb. Instead of running from myself, I started listening to thoughts and feelings to find out what I was telling myself that made me feel so bad, and questioning why I was choosing to believe that way. When you take the position of observing your thoughts/feelings (which is the basis of mindfulness), you can get a lot of information. You start to see how much you live in the future, what overwhelms you, what your fears are, etc.... and work WITH them to find new solutions. Hope that makes sense.
Regarding "one day at a time," it works for me I think because I'm always trying to do too much and feeling overwhelmed. I do better when I stay in today (stay in the present moment) and deal with that, rather than looking at the enormity of life's challenges all together.
I drank to escape, too. What I found after getting sober is that I was constantly telling myself negative things (fears, worries.... some real, some not). I felt like a victim of my own thoughts and emotions.
It's normal to miss the relief alcohol gives, but there really are other ways of getting that relief that are totally superior to being numb. Instead of running from myself, I started listening to thoughts and feelings to find out what I was telling myself that made me feel so bad, and questioning why I was choosing to believe that way. When you take the position of observing your thoughts/feelings (which is the basis of mindfulness), you can get a lot of information. You start to see how much you live in the future, what overwhelms you, what your fears are, etc.... and work WITH them to find new solutions. Hope that makes sense.
Regarding "one day at a time," it works for me I think because I'm always trying to do too much and feeling overwhelmed. I do better when I stay in today (stay in the present moment) and deal with that, rather than looking at the enormity of life's challenges all together.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by artsoul
I think what you're feeling is TOTALLY normal for 49 days sober. :ghug3
I drank to escape, too. What I found after getting sober is that I was constantly telling myself negative things (fears, worries.... some real, some not). I felt like a victim of my own thoughts and emotions.
It's normal to miss the relief alcohol gives, but there really are other ways of getting that relief that are totally superior to being numb. Instead of running from myself, I started listening to thoughts and feelings to find out what I was telling myself that made me feel so bad, and questioning why I was choosing to believe that way. When you take the position of observing your thoughts/feelings (which is the basis of mindfulness), you can get a lot of information. You start to see how much you live in the future, what overwhelms you, what your fears are, etc.... and work WITH them to find new solutions. Hope that makes sense.
Regarding "one day at a time," it works for me I think because I'm always trying to do too much and feeling overwhelmed. I do better when I stay in today (stay in the present moment) and deal with that, rather than looking at the enormity of life's challenges all together.
I drank to escape, too. What I found after getting sober is that I was constantly telling myself negative things (fears, worries.... some real, some not). I felt like a victim of my own thoughts and emotions.
It's normal to miss the relief alcohol gives, but there really are other ways of getting that relief that are totally superior to being numb. Instead of running from myself, I started listening to thoughts and feelings to find out what I was telling myself that made me feel so bad, and questioning why I was choosing to believe that way. When you take the position of observing your thoughts/feelings (which is the basis of mindfulness), you can get a lot of information. You start to see how much you live in the future, what overwhelms you, what your fears are, etc.... and work WITH them to find new solutions. Hope that makes sense.
Regarding "one day at a time," it works for me I think because I'm always trying to do too much and feeling overwhelmed. I do better when I stay in today (stay in the present moment) and deal with that, rather than looking at the enormity of life's challenges all together.
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Living a completely different way was scary to contemplate - as bad as my old life was I knew all the parameters.
It was a lot like leaving an abusive relationship - I wanted to leave, but a little part of me wanted to run back, too.
The lack of respite was a Big Thing for me....I wondered how I'd live my life.
Two things happened - I became a lot more capable with dealing with stuff (which made sense as I never really faced much before...I'd always run away)
I also became a lot better with stress relief...I discovered the joys of exercise for example.
This site has a lot of useful advice about anxiety too:
Calm Clinic
It was a lot like leaving an abusive relationship - I wanted to leave, but a little part of me wanted to run back, too.
The lack of respite was a Big Thing for me....I wondered how I'd live my life.
Two things happened - I became a lot more capable with dealing with stuff (which made sense as I never really faced much before...I'd always run away)
I also became a lot better with stress relief...I discovered the joys of exercise for example.
This site has a lot of useful advice about anxiety too:
Calm Clinic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
I agree with what you said about exercise Dee. I was having another stressful day today so right after work I headed to the gym and for swam 70 laps (about a mile). It felt great because 7 weeks ago I could hardy do one lap without taking a break. It's these small accomplishments that keep me going and provide a way to release stress and gain confidence in myself. I could never have done this when I was drinking.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by gordano
I know there is a different train of though on either not drinking for today, or not drinking forever. I'm still trying to figure out what concept works best for me. I think last night when I realized that I would never be able to drink again was a bit unnerving, but at the same time a comfort like ReadyAndAble said. For me its just easier to say, I'm never drinking again - and be done with it and move on with my life, instead of saying "today I'm not going to drink." I don't know though... right now with only 7 weeks sober everything seems confusing. I have gone to a few AA meetings, but I am still struggling with the AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy) concept vs the AA concept.
When I first learned about AVRT (back in the '90's when it was being developed) it struck me as sensible, uncomplicated, and very doable. By that time, I had already spent ten years in AA. I won't go into the details of how I got into AA and why I stayed so long, but I actually had quit drinking before I started AA. When I discovered RR in 1991 I left AA and didn't look back.
My feedback: Everything positive you mention about AVRT was also correct for me, and in my experience, it is correct for everyone who self-recovers. As you also mention, I can imagine learning about different programs here on SR can sometimes seem confusing, but as the haze clears, and all the well monitored support here helps you regain stability, hopefully you will understand that it was worth being presented with choices about recovery.
Also, a big plus about AVRT for me was that it was designed to take as short a time as a person wants for a permanent recovery.
GT
PS. The T in AVRT stands for Technique and not Therapy. I bet that sounds better, too.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida US
Posts: 296
Hey gordano how're you doing?
Still fighting the siren's call? If you slipped, get back on the horse and come tell us about it. I would love to hear it.
I made a decision to quit this past December after a few months in relapse following 6 1/2 years of sobriety. **** happens. There are hidden lessons in everything and my relapse, in a way, was a blessing in disguise. I never really knew the strength and pull of this life threatening allergy I have to alcohol. I now do.
I was a 'one chip wonder' and never had any real cravings the first time around. Never really heard that siren's call.
I am grateful for the experiences gained during my relapse.
Check in with us.
Natalie
Still fighting the siren's call? If you slipped, get back on the horse and come tell us about it. I would love to hear it.
I made a decision to quit this past December after a few months in relapse following 6 1/2 years of sobriety. **** happens. There are hidden lessons in everything and my relapse, in a way, was a blessing in disguise. I never really knew the strength and pull of this life threatening allergy I have to alcohol. I now do.
I was a 'one chip wonder' and never had any real cravings the first time around. Never really heard that siren's call.
I am grateful for the experiences gained during my relapse.
Check in with us.
Natalie
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