Worst Day Since I Got Sober
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Worst Day Since I Got Sober
Today sucked. Enough said.
I just got 90 days yesterday and for the first time in those 90 days, the thought of drinking crossed my mind. Thank God that's all it was ... a passing thought. Not even a craving, just a habit that my brain goes to when it's under pressure. Old habits die hard, I guess. I told it to F off, and it did.
At least today was also my meeting with my sponsor, who promptly kicked my a** for having a pity party. I soooo love long-term sober folks who tell it like it is. She is celebrating 28 years of sobriety this week and has seen/done/heard it all. It is a wonderful gift to have someone in your life who has been where you are and can "call" you on your BS, tell you where you're setting yourself up for failure, and also tell you where you're just plain feeling sorry for yourself. She totally pi**ed me off but that was only because she saw right through me and my BS. God love her.
Living life on life's terms is such an alien concept to this alcoholic. That's why we need support ... on SR, in AA, from sober friends/family ... left to our own devices and our own rationalizations, we WILL drink/use again. Folks, PLEASE ... if I learned anything today, it's that you need good people in your life who will support you during your sobriety. Whatever you're feeling ... whenever you're feeling it ... don't be afraid to come here and get it off your chest. Keeping it inside is lethal to folks like us. Anger, resentment, stress, sadness, frustration ... they all can lead us to that first drink, and we all know what happens from there.
I see so many people come here and apologize for venting ... DON'T APOLOGIZE. Nobody understands better than us. Better to vent to us than vent through a bottle. We wouldn't be here if we didn't want to help. We've seen/done/lived it all. And we know that keeping this crap to ourselves because we don't want to offend or upset anyone is only detrimental to US.
Good lesson learned for me today. If it helps you, that makes it even better.
I just got 90 days yesterday and for the first time in those 90 days, the thought of drinking crossed my mind. Thank God that's all it was ... a passing thought. Not even a craving, just a habit that my brain goes to when it's under pressure. Old habits die hard, I guess. I told it to F off, and it did.
At least today was also my meeting with my sponsor, who promptly kicked my a** for having a pity party. I soooo love long-term sober folks who tell it like it is. She is celebrating 28 years of sobriety this week and has seen/done/heard it all. It is a wonderful gift to have someone in your life who has been where you are and can "call" you on your BS, tell you where you're setting yourself up for failure, and also tell you where you're just plain feeling sorry for yourself. She totally pi**ed me off but that was only because she saw right through me and my BS. God love her.
Living life on life's terms is such an alien concept to this alcoholic. That's why we need support ... on SR, in AA, from sober friends/family ... left to our own devices and our own rationalizations, we WILL drink/use again. Folks, PLEASE ... if I learned anything today, it's that you need good people in your life who will support you during your sobriety. Whatever you're feeling ... whenever you're feeling it ... don't be afraid to come here and get it off your chest. Keeping it inside is lethal to folks like us. Anger, resentment, stress, sadness, frustration ... they all can lead us to that first drink, and we all know what happens from there.
I see so many people come here and apologize for venting ... DON'T APOLOGIZE. Nobody understands better than us. Better to vent to us than vent through a bottle. We wouldn't be here if we didn't want to help. We've seen/done/lived it all. And we know that keeping this crap to ourselves because we don't want to offend or upset anyone is only detrimental to US.
Good lesson learned for me today. If it helps you, that makes it even better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 594
Sorry about the bad day. I always get a little "off" around an aniversary and I notice others in the rooms get hit too. The darkness wants us to drink, ruin our families, and get stuck in spriraling downward cycle.
I on the other hand HATE how my sponcor calls me out on my cr@p. Untill I sit and process what she says. I still have quite an entitlement issue I am working on.
I really admire how you appreciate it. I want to "fight for my rights" all the time with her lol!!! I know how silly this sounds. I'm going to try to be more grateful for who my HP put in my life. Thanks for your post
I on the other hand HATE how my sponcor calls me out on my cr@p. Untill I sit and process what she says. I still have quite an entitlement issue I am working on.
I really admire how you appreciate it. I want to "fight for my rights" all the time with her lol!!! I know how silly this sounds. I'm going to try to be more grateful for who my HP put in my life. Thanks for your post
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
I know you're right desertsong. I stifle the vents - always have. I need to try & remember one of the reasons we're all here is to be honest about what we're feeling - not pretend everything's all roses & unicorns every day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Desertsong
Congrats on the 90 days. Yes, we need support to stay sober that is for sure. it is only now, one year on that I can see what I was doing was wrong I'm afraid unlike your good self I would have told your sponsor to PO. I wasn't ready to give up my self pitying quite yet.
less venting is needed the more sober I become and I usually can see my part in the drama and work it out.
Better to vent here than pick up also you have people here that can put things in perspective as far as the alcoholic mind sees things.
love
caiHong
Congrats on the 90 days. Yes, we need support to stay sober that is for sure. it is only now, one year on that I can see what I was doing was wrong I'm afraid unlike your good self I would have told your sponsor to PO. I wasn't ready to give up my self pitying quite yet.
less venting is needed the more sober I become and I usually can see my part in the drama and work it out.
Better to vent here than pick up also you have people here that can put things in perspective as far as the alcoholic mind sees things.
love
caiHong
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by desertsong 
She is celebrating 28 years of sobriety this week and has seen/done/heard it all. It is a wonderful gift to have someone in your life who has been where you are and can "call" you on your BS, tell you where you're setting yourself up for failure, and also tell you where you're just plain feeling sorry for yourself. She totally pi**ed me off but that was only because she saw right through me and my BS. God love her.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
Big congrats on ninety!!!
Day 30 sucked..2 months sucked....90, I had fought so hard for that and here I was thinking of drinking. Month 4 kinda sucked but month 5.... A great day. Lotta changes going on with me as I begin step 4 and those relationships build.
Got hope for month 6.
Again congrats and great to here you have a sponser. I have a sponser but Ialso have a woman with 26 years under her belt who reached through a phone line and helped a wreck of a woman learn to live. No coincidence. Every ugly thing she's been through enabled her to reach our and save my life. Talk about paying it forward.
Day 30 sucked..2 months sucked....90, I had fought so hard for that and here I was thinking of drinking. Month 4 kinda sucked but month 5.... A great day. Lotta changes going on with me as I begin step 4 and those relationships build.
Got hope for month 6.
Again congrats and great to here you have a sponser. I have a sponser but Ialso have a woman with 26 years under her belt who reached through a phone line and helped a wreck of a woman learn to live. No coincidence. Every ugly thing she's been through enabled her to reach our and save my life. Talk about paying it forward.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Congratulations on 90days desertsong.Early sobriety is such a roller coaster of emotion.
I thank God for the wonderful people that were put in my way to help and guide me and continue to do so.Sounds like you have a wonderful sponsor.
Wishing you well.
I thank God for the wonderful people that were put in my way to help and guide me and continue to do so.Sounds like you have a wonderful sponsor.
Wishing you well.
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