sibling of an addict looking for advice
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: toronto, ontario
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sibling of an addict looking for advice
Hi everyone,
My older sister has struggled with addiction for over 15 years. She is now 32 years old. She was addicted to cocaine as a late teen and in her early twenties. As far as I know, she was clean for a couple years, when she met her then husband, but started drinking very heavily about 5 years ago. Her condition has worsened especially over the last year.
She drinks constantly and it is not uncommon for her to drink a full 26'er of vodka straight (which is her drink of choice). In the past she would drink so much that by the afternoon she is in bed and can't even walk or have a conversation. Recently, she will have a meltdown about every 3 weeks. My mom then has to babysit her for a few days and then she seems okay for a bit but then has another meltdown. She has been unable to work for the last couple months and is currently on unemployment.
This is a little off topic but she will take off on trips for weeks at a time leaving her daughter with her nanny so that she can go on a bender out of town and not have any responsibilities. She has also struggled with eating disorders since her teens and has been on anti depressants for many years.
The worst part if this situation is that she has a 3.5 year old daughter that is in her care (her daughter sees her dad every other weekend). She will drink when she is alone with her daughter and has driven drunk with her is the car. We found her drunk this morning and she was going to drive home (2.5 hours) with her daughter in the car...thank god we found her. I feel very uncomfortable having her daughter in her care...I am so afraid that something is going to happen to her. My husband and I (who do not have kids yet) have taken her daughter to stay with us on occasion because we are so afraid. My sister and I now have no relationship. I can't bring myself to even have a conversation with her because I hit my tipping point about a month ago. This pains me because I love my niece and want the best fore her.
There are so many things I could say to describe the situation but I think you get the point. Basically, there are huge conflicts between my family members on how to deal with her condition. She is a compulsive liar and always has been. She is telling everyone that she does not have a drinking problem and that it is an anxiety disorder so she won't go to rehab or AA. I have threatened to call Children's Aid on her but I know that my mom (whom I believe is co-dependent) would kill me. My father, brother and myself recognize that she needs to go into a treatment program but my mom disagrees and believes everything my sister says. My mom is afraid that she will lose her daughter if her issue is out in the open but I believe that she is better off with her father full time, or with myself and my husband than with an alcoholic mother that puts her in danger.
I want my sister to get better but my primary concern is for my niece. I want her to have a chance to have a great childhood.
How do I convince my mom that this cycle is not going to stop if she continues to enabler her daughter?
How do I deal with my feeling that my niece is in danger? Should I call CAS?
Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation?
My older sister has struggled with addiction for over 15 years. She is now 32 years old. She was addicted to cocaine as a late teen and in her early twenties. As far as I know, she was clean for a couple years, when she met her then husband, but started drinking very heavily about 5 years ago. Her condition has worsened especially over the last year.
She drinks constantly and it is not uncommon for her to drink a full 26'er of vodka straight (which is her drink of choice). In the past she would drink so much that by the afternoon she is in bed and can't even walk or have a conversation. Recently, she will have a meltdown about every 3 weeks. My mom then has to babysit her for a few days and then she seems okay for a bit but then has another meltdown. She has been unable to work for the last couple months and is currently on unemployment.
This is a little off topic but she will take off on trips for weeks at a time leaving her daughter with her nanny so that she can go on a bender out of town and not have any responsibilities. She has also struggled with eating disorders since her teens and has been on anti depressants for many years.
The worst part if this situation is that she has a 3.5 year old daughter that is in her care (her daughter sees her dad every other weekend). She will drink when she is alone with her daughter and has driven drunk with her is the car. We found her drunk this morning and she was going to drive home (2.5 hours) with her daughter in the car...thank god we found her. I feel very uncomfortable having her daughter in her care...I am so afraid that something is going to happen to her. My husband and I (who do not have kids yet) have taken her daughter to stay with us on occasion because we are so afraid. My sister and I now have no relationship. I can't bring myself to even have a conversation with her because I hit my tipping point about a month ago. This pains me because I love my niece and want the best fore her.
There are so many things I could say to describe the situation but I think you get the point. Basically, there are huge conflicts between my family members on how to deal with her condition. She is a compulsive liar and always has been. She is telling everyone that she does not have a drinking problem and that it is an anxiety disorder so she won't go to rehab or AA. I have threatened to call Children's Aid on her but I know that my mom (whom I believe is co-dependent) would kill me. My father, brother and myself recognize that she needs to go into a treatment program but my mom disagrees and believes everything my sister says. My mom is afraid that she will lose her daughter if her issue is out in the open but I believe that she is better off with her father full time, or with myself and my husband than with an alcoholic mother that puts her in danger.
I want my sister to get better but my primary concern is for my niece. I want her to have a chance to have a great childhood.
How do I convince my mom that this cycle is not going to stop if she continues to enabler her daughter?
How do I deal with my feeling that my niece is in danger? Should I call CAS?
Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR theegg....I'm an alcoholic....And I've been on the giving end of that problem and it's amazing what I've put my loved ones through. But one thing you couldn't tell me was that I had a problem. I had to painfully find that out for myself. I don't like to hear that there is an innocent child involved in this...And I know how a mother can see no wrong in a daughter...But I think that is something you should discuss with your father and brother...Strength in numbers you know? This is a great site for support here...And there is a forum for friends and family of alcoholics. I think you should cut and paste your post there...People have been through this. Maybe people in this forum have too...I wish you and your family nothing but the best.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Welcome to SR!
Has anyone--you, mom, or dad gone to Al Anon? That is where you will find support for you. The book Alcoholics Anonymous is online and in an audio version to listen to, maybe you can read that. AA can relieve her "anxiety" problems. She will only stop when things get bad. If she has a nanny to help her out, she doesn't seem to have financial problems. It sounds as if she's getting a lot of enabling. Until she's ready to quit, things will only progress to a "worse" stage.
I have nothing else to share at this time, I don't know what to tell you, but if you get to Al Anon you will have in person support from people who have experience with your situation. Also check out the link Sapling posted.
Glad you are here!
Has anyone--you, mom, or dad gone to Al Anon? That is where you will find support for you. The book Alcoholics Anonymous is online and in an audio version to listen to, maybe you can read that. AA can relieve her "anxiety" problems. She will only stop when things get bad. If she has a nanny to help her out, she doesn't seem to have financial problems. It sounds as if she's getting a lot of enabling. Until she's ready to quit, things will only progress to a "worse" stage.
I have nothing else to share at this time, I don't know what to tell you, but if you get to Al Anon you will have in person support from people who have experience with your situation. Also check out the link Sapling posted.
Glad you are here!
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