MycoolFitz

It's got me in it's claws yet, but drinking it away today doesn't appear the insane solution it did yesterday. I'm staring in its eyes and we'll see who blinks first. Instead of thinking about the store down the block I'm focused on my mental, emotional, physical, spiritual well-being and most of all on the support, love and understanding of my SR family. Talked to mom today and of course told her things are great, what she needed to hear and could acceptpt. But I knew I could post here and have the freedom of honesty and understanding. I've been re-reading posts and Pema Chrodron, an author I turn to in times of need. I know this emotional depression is like root canal surgery, it sucks at the moment but it will pass and I'll be better for it.

“Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that's all that's happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness--life's painful aspect--softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody's eyes because you feel you haven't got anything to lose--you're just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We'd be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn't have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.”