Honest, I know I'm posting too much but I''m just hanging by a thread right now
 

I'll cut it down/out but I need you all now. Major depression, great selfish desires to drink. I try to talk to my family and they say it just upsets mom. I want to be sober not hanging on to a ledge by my fingertips but that's what I am feeling now. I can walk half a block and get a bottle but that's not the walk I really want to take--it's the death march. I'm reading, posting, meetings, meditating, seeing a doctor but I'm so deep in I'm suffocating. I'm good with humor and upbeat but right now I feel beaten down. If I write it down I can at least look at it. I do not have another relapse in me. My DR said another relapse and it will be life support but that's kind of how I feel now. Sorry to be a downer, I just need to get through this depression stage sober. I don't want to hurt myself anymore or anyone else so maybe I'm hogging SR but I need it. Will be seeing someone tomorrow but as Kris Kristoerson said, Help me make it through the night. I know it will be better I take it on faith and experience. I wish I could crack a joke but I feel joked out. I do remember a Zen vacuum cleaner is no good because it has no attachments. Thanks guys for letting me cry on your sholders whether you wanted me to or not. Signing off.

Wouldn't it make more sense to hang out here?...Let's shoot the sh!t for awhile...I ain't going nowhere.

(hugs) We're here for you. Keep posting. You will get through this.

Tell me about your day Fitz...What's got you down?

That's what we're all doing here buddy... post away! Please if you need to post 100 times to not drink then do it! We gotta all work together to make this possible! Hang in there my friend... I too have had some serious thoughts of drinking today... had to fight it off! It was hard but I managed and I will rest so that I'm ready for the fight again tomorrow! Take care tonight!

Sending you good vibes Fitz :hug:

I know you're seeing a MD but are you seeing a therapist too?
I just wondered - you've been battling depression for a long time now?

D

Hey Fitz, I always find great pleasure in reading your thoughtfull, intelligent posts. I hope you can ride out the strom. Best wishes

I will be here as well! :ring Lets do this! I need you as well as you need others! I will stay up with you ALL NIGHT if that is what you need! Just stay sober!

If you dont talk with sapling go to a meeting, and stay awhile. they willl love to have you. :)

It's great that you're posting Fitz. Keep the posts coming, whatever helps. Just don't pick up today. We're all here for you.
Remember that after the darkest storms the sun always returns. This too shall pass.
(((hugs)))

Hey Fitz.....I'm here, too. Truthfully, it's been a difficult weekend for me also. Lots of triggers. But I'm still sober, and I want you to be as well.

Post as long and as often as you need to. Feel free to PM anyone. Let's do this together.

We would rather have you post here 1000000000 times rather than pick up anything!!

Post as much as you want Fitz, that's what this place is about man.

Sorry your down with depression, I know all too well about that stuff. The fact that your are posting shows me you are 'working it' to make some inprovemrents in your mood.

Bawhaha, that a good one.

http://www.fishink.us/wp-content/upl...rd-zen-GPS.jpg

Fitz, better for you to be here than taking that walk. So talk as much as you need. We'll listen. I'm here for the night too ... husband is at the bar, probably until it closes ... in the past, I would've sat here at home and drank at him because I hate when he does this. But my kids need me, and I've chosen to be here for them instead. I'll be here for you too. :)

One of the best treatments for depression is aerobic exercise - lace up those shoes. The second is self-talk and working on reframing our experience. I was a mental health professional and drugs keep the brain from recovery. We now know that even psyche drugs do this.

More than anything we need people under each arm dragging our ass to the other side - then we can drag another person to the light.

Don’t use a negative fix for a problem that has many healthy solutions

So I'll be honest, I took that long walk, got to the door and when I tried to open it the thought of my SR family was so strong I literally didn't have the stregth to open it so I turned around and came home. I guess I got some exercise and maybe a lesson in love and support. I still feel miserable but at least miserably sober. BUT as OMD sing "It's in your heart and not your head". Thank you all so much. My words can't express it.

Glad you came back, Fitz. Keep on posting.

i am guessin the meetings ya go to are 12 step recovery based? if so, wheres yer higher power in all this?

I go to 12-step and non-12 step, my higher power the 3 jewels, you can google it but really it's my connection with you all. And my desire to die a sober man like my dad.

You have won you stopped and did something different! No matter how you feel congrat yourself, you know it is natural for an alcoholic to drink it is unnatural to turn away, in time it will become more natural to turn away! Be proud! just because we sober up doesn't mean all the feelings go away it just means we are able to go through them one day at a time without drinking! This is a good positive, strengthening, start build from this! Keep posting keep talking keep reading whatever it takes you are worth it! God Bless!!!