Duke10

To be honest I am getting tired of the battle. This is my 4-5th day 1. So frustrating. I know I need to battle on but now have to go through the anxiety and crap all over again. I was just starting to have good days.

desertsong

Been where you are many, many times, my friend. It IS tiring. Surrender is so much easier ... and freeing. And so much less work than continuing to drink.

As you start again, remember those good days. They are still within your reach and you can have them again. Keep trying. Some of us are slow learners.

IndaMiricale

Ditto from desertsong.

It really is so much easier to just give in and quit. Then the battles of finding that drink to make you feel better. Its the hampster wheel.

Best wishes.

MycoolFitz

I've been a chronic relapser, my last relapse landed me in the hospital. Continue the fight but don't fight alone. Get support and have a solid battle plan. You can do it.

Sapling

It does get old Duke....I fought that battle for 35 years.

CarolD

When I began working my AA Steps....I finally quit drinking and
found a wonderful way to live with joy and purpose...

Hope you will soon learn how to find your solution..

Luling

It is an exhausting battle. But you are worth fighting for. Hang in there, okay?

Duke10

Thanks to all of you. I know I have to keep fighting and day 1 is always the worst. I do have a good support group and I let them down. Again.

Healthyfood

Duke10

Glad you are determined and already on day 1. Well done!

I relapsed couple times before I entered the real sobriety. I had two choices:

1. Continue drinking for the rest of my life (heavily every day); or
2. Stop and stay sober for life.

There are no other options for me. Think about them..

OklaBH

The start /stop is EXHAUSTING. I wish we could bottle that feeling after a relapse so we could remember it before drinking again.

Jeni26

Thinking of you Duke.
Write down how relapsing makes you feel and then keep a copy somewhere you can see it.
Look at it every time you feel tempted.
Day 1 is the worst feeling x

jstar

You are back in the game & trying....that is what matters! A lot of us have ridden the merry go round and you can learn something, i'm sure, from this experience. I find keeping a journal of how I feel each day & being able to look back at what I felt like before, good or bad, is extreamly helpful.

You are worth it, keep posting!

CraigA

Keep on coming back don't beat yourself up too bad, when you fall down get back up. I took 10 years to come back even though I was never really there! The first thing A.A. gave me back is my choice (even though I really don't have a choice) before I didn't know anything about stopping but just go with the consequences and drink more to not feel those and then the cycle continues!

When you get the urges or thoughts you have a choice today 1. "Drink/drug blotting out the consciousness of our tolerable situation" 2. "accept spiritual help" (call someone, pray, read 12 step literature, fellowship, etc...). "This we did because we honestly wanted to and were willing to make the effort." This came from the Big book p. 25 when my sponsor read this to me and explained it, I realized I have a choice I don't have to pick up anymore instead I can call somebody, pray, go to a meeting, read some Literature just don't pick that first one up!

Once you stay sober you will realize that you afre on a path where others have gone and will need specific directions from them on H.O.W. to get there! Honesty Open-Mindness and Willingness means alot too! Just take this one day at a time work with a sponsor and keep going to meetings and keep posting to keep us updated!
God Bless you on your journey! Welcome to sober school (hahaha)

Michael66

Hey Duke,

Glad to hear you've got yourself back on the horse again.

Don't give up giving up buddy.

Zada

Well, I'm in no position to give advice, but I agree with Michael66. It seems to me that no matter how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up that matters.
Hang in there, I'm rooting for you!

Dee74

It really does get exhausting Duke.
It's like giving a piggy back to an elephant.

what do you think drinking is doing for you?

D

Duke10

Drinking does not do much for me except stop the anxiety but it comes back the next day. I have been told by my therapist that after 2 months the brain starts to heal so there IS light at the end of the tunnel.