Irritated, Bored,and want to cry
 

That pretty much sums it up. For no reason, none at all. Had a great day..my daughter's championship game, out to lunch, now home to a nice clean house, exercised today, I have a great book to read - what is my problem?

But, I'm unsettled. I want to drink. It's like I need to be completely occupied from midmorning until about 7pm or else I'm a wreck. I'm allowing thoughts to enter my mind that are serve me no purpose but to make me anxious and feeling bad about myself, mostly about this relationship that I should have known for years can't work. But I still beat myself up about it, wondering what I did wrong, why he chose to leave again. Even though, logically, I know it's for the best. One second I'm fine on my own, the next I feel I will never find anyone again and I'll be single the rest of my life, and the next I only want him. What is wrong with me?

I know if I was drinking, I wouldn't be thinking of any of that. I'd be wrapped up in drinking and getting buzzed and pushing it all away. And then I'd wake up tomorrow and it will still be there, ten times worse, with a hangover, guilt and shame on top if it.

I know if I get through today, or even the next hour, I'll be ok, it will get better. But right now all I want to do is go to the store and get a few beers or a small bottle of wine and just medicate these feelings and this uncomfortableness I feel about everything right now.

Hey forabetterlife...I guess you already know that drinking won't make any of this any better....Or you wouldn't have quit. It just covers up feelings and makes you miserable that you drank. Not much of a solution. What are you doing for your recovery? What kind of support system do you have?...People you can call or talk to? Go out with? Look into ways to make this easier for yourself....You don't have to do this alone.

But you need to listen to that liiiittttlle tiny voice in the back of your head. The one telling yourself that you know a small bottle of wine isn't enough. And a few beers? That's really not enough. Please don't drink, because you know 1 is never enough and 1000 is never too many. I just went into my beater car that's been sitting around doing nothing the last 8 months, and there was an open beer chilling in the cupholder and an unopened one on the passenger seat floor. I threw out the open one, and I cracked the unopened one, then threw it at a tree and stomped on it repeatedly. I didn't want to throw it out unopened because I thought I might just go for it later. Take it 5 mins at a time; it will turn into hours and tomorrow will be a new day. :)

Hi forabetterlife...I hate those kinds of feelings. Have actually been dealing with a lot of that spiral type thinking myself today (no desire to drink though), just extremely sad and anxiety. Cr*p to deal with today, relationship, work stuff. Anyhow, just now I am working on some detachment affirmations. Would you be interested in researching a bit about that? It can sound kind of silly to some, but affirmations really can help. There are a lot of really good affirmation sites, usually you can fine something that applies to what you are going through "at this time". Best wishes to you. You know the booze won't help, that is a fact.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you forabetterlife - no more than the rest of us :)

As long as you stay committed to not drinking, that cross talk will fade...and you'll find your head will clear and you'll be in the very best position to make your future all that you want it to be.

Lean on the support you'll find here - we understand this stuff :)

D

Your third paragraph says it all - you know where the 'comforting' drink would lead. Nothing gets accomplished when we numb ourselves to get through the rough times. We don't come up with any solutions or learn anything - we just put everything on hold.

As Dee said - there's nothing wrong with you. I had the same feelings when I was newly quit. I had to learn all over again how to deal with life, without my 'buffer'. It's not our friend. It keeps us down and unable to move forward. You are going to feel much better as you go along - we're here to listen and help. You aren't alone.

There is nothing wrong with you. I am consumed by fear when I get to thinking. I have stop though and try to live in the moment. Try not to think in terms of "I'm never going to do this, be that.." etc. I can convince myself of many things, like my life is ruined when it's not.

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, don't beat yourself up :)

One thing that's been helping me over those moments is sip something I wouldn't normally drink. I'm a big iced tea person but I bought some little V8s, gatorades, and juice boxes. (I do feel a little silly drinking out of the juice boxes but they are just the right size to push past those moments.)

You did not get here overnight it doesnt change like a lighting bolt. Its a process, relax and take your time. Stay the course more will be reveled. :)

I blew it. As soon as I realized my kids weren't going to be home for the night and I'd be alone, that was it. Got a bottle of wine, tried to start late, drink it slow, not drink the whole thing- none of it worked.

I let myself down and anyone who reads my posts and gives me such great advice and support. But in the end it comes down to me. And, as predicted, the yucky feelings are still there, but I liked them much better when I was sober and feeling good about myself rather than how I feel now.

Once again, lesson learned. It is so NOT worth it, in any way, shape or form. At least I was alone, and my children weren't around to know or see.