Keep Relapsing
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by Bored3 
Hi,
Just getting really sick of this. I feel like I've been doing the same thing for years. I go for periods at a time without drink, feel better, inevitably relapse. It's like I have a self destruct button that I want to punish myself.
I'm unemployed, my last job wasn't helped by drinking but I was suffering with depression at the time, a lot of that brought on or not helped by alcohol. I feel much better when I'm sober, I know I do, it's like I just get bored or feel uneasy when things are going too easy, again like I'm punishing myself.
I'm relatively young and really know that I can make a go of this. It almost feels hard to go back to drinking, but I always seem to. When I'm not sober, I let things slide, don't do things.
For example, a few weeks ago I wasn't drinking, I was trying to detox and feel better about myself. It was working. Before long, I was eating healthily but having some caffeine and meat. Then I think to myself, "I might as well drink tonight and start the healthy lifestyle again tomorrow", a week later I'm back here. I'm really an all or nothing type of person, an addict I suppose. Now, I feel like crap, been throwing up all yesterday, can't sleep, just annoyed with myself. Again.
I've been to AA, I've been to counselling, I've told people I have problems - the bottom line is when I put my energy towards being sober, I find it simple enough, my mind just always seems to sway.
I know if I am sober I can achieve anything - if I drink I ruin my body, my health, I become anxious, I have less chance of passing exams and projects, less chance of a career, more reclusive. It's a no brainer - why do I keep doing this to myself?
Just getting really sick of this. I feel like I've been doing the same thing for years. I go for periods at a time without drink, feel better, inevitably relapse. It's like I have a self destruct button that I want to punish myself.
I'm unemployed, my last job wasn't helped by drinking but I was suffering with depression at the time, a lot of that brought on or not helped by alcohol. I feel much better when I'm sober, I know I do, it's like I just get bored or feel uneasy when things are going too easy, again like I'm punishing myself.
I'm relatively young and really know that I can make a go of this. It almost feels hard to go back to drinking, but I always seem to. When I'm not sober, I let things slide, don't do things.
For example, a few weeks ago I wasn't drinking, I was trying to detox and feel better about myself. It was working. Before long, I was eating healthily but having some caffeine and meat. Then I think to myself, "I might as well drink tonight and start the healthy lifestyle again tomorrow", a week later I'm back here. I'm really an all or nothing type of person, an addict I suppose. Now, I feel like crap, been throwing up all yesterday, can't sleep, just annoyed with myself. Again.
I've been to AA, I've been to counselling, I've told people I have problems - the bottom line is when I put my energy towards being sober, I find it simple enough, my mind just always seems to sway.
I know if I am sober I can achieve anything - if I drink I ruin my body, my health, I become anxious, I have less chance of passing exams and projects, less chance of a career, more reclusive. It's a no brainer - why do I keep doing this to myself?
At least that is why I drank. I liked the altered state, the relief, the sense of ease and comfort.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 116
Just an update.
As I have previously told Dee, on the fourth day (think?) I drank some alcohol accidentally thinking it was something else, but immediately put it down and told the person I was with about the problem. Obviously there are opinions on whether this counts or not, I don't really mind either way this is either Day 4 or Day 8 and I feel much better hoping to carry this forward.
I can't thank people enough for the support, especially for how I was feeling last week.
As I have previously told Dee, on the fourth day (think?) I drank some alcohol accidentally thinking it was something else, but immediately put it down and told the person I was with about the problem. Obviously there are opinions on whether this counts or not, I don't really mind either way this is either Day 4 or Day 8 and I feel much better hoping to carry this forward.
I can't thank people enough for the support, especially for how I was feeling last week.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Bored3
Obviously there are opinions on whether this counts or not,
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Originally Posted by Bored3
Obviously there are opinions on whether this counts or not, I don't really mind either way this is either Day 4 or Day 8 and I feel much better hoping to carry this forward.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Thank you for starting this thread and for all that have posted in it. There is great stuff here that has been swirling around in my own mind.
As for accidental drinking- last night I was about to drink from my husbands diet coke when he saw me and jumped in- he had doctored it with vodka. That scared me on many levels bc it was just in a gas station cup- what if the kids had done the same thing? I need to talk to him about this today- that if he is drinking alcohol to make sure that it is clear to all of us not to drink it.
As for accidental drinking- last night I was about to drink from my husbands diet coke when he saw me and jumped in- he had doctored it with vodka. That scared me on many levels bc it was just in a gas station cup- what if the kids had done the same thing? I need to talk to him about this today- that if he is drinking alcohol to make sure that it is clear to all of us not to drink it.
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