EXM6

Where I live in Ontario, Canada... One of the mandatory things you must complete after getting a DUI is a two day course called "Back on Track." I was excited to go this morning because even though it's not considered 'treatment,' I figured it would give me some more insight to my problem.

When I first got there we were all locked outside. 90% of the people were bitter that they had to be there. They assumed the instructors didn't give a **** about us. A lot of them thought they didn't deserve the punishment they received for getting a DUI etc. etc. Once inside, a fight broke out between two of the participants, one of the people being a lady I recognized from when I went to court. She left the room in tears, I followed her. She was really upset, screaming about how she didn't belong there... She looked at me and said I didn't belong there and I said I did. She asked why I thought that and I said I knew I had an alcohol problem. She admitted she did too and gave me a hug... The amount of alcohol I could smell off of her was astounding. I don't know if it was from the night before or from that morning (the class starts at 8:30)... but as she kept speaking up in the discussions saying she had been 'sober' for three months -- I just felt sad.

Later in the day we look at the consequences of getting a DUI in Ontario. Here it is a very expensive charge to get... First, you have to get your car out of the mandatory 7 day impound for $500.00... Then you're given a minimum of an $1000.00 fine (mine was $1500.00), on top of your court costs. After that you have to pay $578.00 for the mandatory back on track course. When you want to get your license back you pay a $150.00 reinstatement fee. Then you have an interlock condition on your license for a year which costs $300.00 to install, and $130.00 a month. This doesn't even include what your insurance ends up being after the fact, or if you've lost your income as a result as I had. Tallying that up was overwhelming... On top of thinking that I now have a criminal record, and working in the social service field... It may be impossible for me to ever receive another job. I have $70000.00 (no, that's not a typo) in student loans from educating myself to work in this field. FML.

Being around so many people in considerable denial, and thinking about how ****** all of this is for my present state in life... has been overwhelming. I'm not going to give up or quit -- but do I ever have a case of the blah's.

Thanks for listening.

jedisean

Sounds like a pretty brutal day my friend. As sad as your surroundings are just keep in mind that this is for you and not for them. Time will take care of them hopefully. As you said you were pretty excited about this class so that definitely shows that you care about your current situation. Hope you're having a great weekend my friend.

Purplecatlover

I'm sorry it was overwhelming. That is a tough road to truck financially.
But money, jobs, cars are replaceable. You or someone that could've been hurt by drunk driving is not.
Life is precious.
This trial will be over eventually & you never have to make that mistake again.
You live & you learn. It took me awhile to get it but for all the pain & suffering I caused myself & others, I feel triumphantly joyous now that I'm not an active addict anymore.

Freedom from addiction is priceless my friend.
It will get better, hang on.

Anna

That really does sound like a tough day. I'm sorry.

It's especially sad that you may not be able to work in your chosen field. But, maybe, just maybe the personal experience with your dui and alcohol problems, could be helpful for you in your work. Keep an open mind and good for you for having a positive attitude about the course.

Sapling

That's a day for you...And it is sad seeing what this disease can do to people. But right now you have to take care of yourself...And that's it. If there was ever a time to take life one day at a time for you it's now. Don't try to wrap your head around getting out of this finacial situation right away. You can only do what you can do today. And the most important thing is not to drink. Things will get better if you don't pick up the first drink. That's a fact. You do have things to be grateful for. Nobody was hurt or worse. You'll get out of this...A job will come...Do what you can do today...Take care of yourself....Ask God for help getting through the day...And thank Him at night. And don't drink...No matter what. One day at a time. You can do this.

Elisabeth888

How about shifting your focus in your field to substance abuse? That might be a door that is opened.

artsoul

That's rough, EXM - I can understand why you feel a bit overwhelmed. I'm so glad you're sober and talking about it, though. Life is hard, but problems can be worked out over time and you'll look back on this and be so proud that you stuck with your sobriety.

(I don't know how it is in Canada, but in the US, I think a DUI is cleared from your record after a period of time....)

Keep breathing and stay sober!:ghug3

scrambled2012

Hi XM,

hey I understand what you are going through and your concerns.

A few points. the average student loan debt right now is about 12 grand here in the states, with something like 1/3 of folks at 30 grand or more. Also, deferment or hardship are means by which you can modify your approach to this debt.

The upfront costs you are facing are beyond denial. here again I understand in full. all we can do is deal with them one debt, one issue, one challenge at a time. part of how I deal with this is to recognize how much i was spending in bars at the end (actually going into debt) along with what the cost would have been for an inpatient treatment program. My thoughts are, if i can make this the event that brings about positive change, it would have been worth the cost--end even cheaper then some other alternatives.

in terms of your career, there are several professions where a dui won't hurt as much as others. hospitality and creative arts are two known cases. I think it highly likely that, if you spin it right, this event will not harm your future in social work. in fact, it could help in terms of having a deeper and first hand understanding of the system, its ups and downs, and the experiences of those who abuse alcohol. you could make this area a sub specialty as part of your overall strategy.

I would add that psychopathology of one kind or another is actually more likely to be seen amongst students and professionals in the "helping professions" then within the general population. This makes sense if you think about it, and is another reason, along with your presumed youth, that you will be able to move past this.

Inasmuch as other professions are concerned, outside of obvious exceptions like driving a truck and the like, this really isn't the end of the world. The more extreme prohibitionists have become in their influence on the law, the more and more people have received dui's. It has in fact reached the point where thoughtful people recognize that if they drink at all, the only reason they haven't received a dui is because they haven't been caught. for this reason, along with the fact that dui, regardless of propaganda, isn't bank robbery or murder or rape, most reasonable employers will let this part of your past be just that--a part of your past.

All things hinge, however, on you being able to face and overcome the tendency to abuse alcohol that you have developed. me too. Lets do it.

EXM6

Definitely, and I have been thankful for this a million times over. I couldn't imagine hurting myself, or even worse, taking someone else's life because of something I did blackout drunk. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like.

EXM6

That's what I am hoping. I was actually a substance use counsellor for youth before all of this happened. I left my place of work on extremely good terms and was very close with all those I worked with -- to the point that my boss left the hiring for my position up to someone else because it was difficult for him. I am REALLY trying to stay positive that the things I did before I got into this mess were enough for people to give me another chance. I absolutely loved my job and the kids I worked with.

Thank you for this, your reply re-instilled my hope.

EXM6

haha famous last words.

No but your right. Any shot of another life I may have would just be a pipe dream if I resume drinking. Like you, and everyone else here knows -- it's SO hard though.

Thanks for the kind words... You're always so supportive.

EXM6

Here, unfortunately, you are able to apply for a pardon after ten years. Regardless, you do the crime, you do the time. I found out a few things about our laws like -- if you have your keys on you and are leaned up against your car... You can be charged with impaired driving. They've had people take that course before who had been charged for going to their car to get out their wallet, to have money to pay the cab. If something like that would have happened to me -- I'd be probably very angry... I however, was so intoxicated that I fell asleep at an intersection and didn't wake up to numerous cars passing me, while honking their horns. It's safe to say, I deserve what I have coming to me.

Sapling

You know...If you really look at what alcohol has done to you...To your life...I'm not just talking about the DUI...I'm talking about everything. It's actually a lot easier to not drink....Than it is to drink...If you think about it.

EXM6

I completely agree. I try to stay mindful but sometimes I let my thoughts get the best of me. I had all I ever wanted -- however I got it all before I kicked this nasty alcoholism thing. It's not like it hasn't been floating around for half of my life... I just thought it would work its self out.


Unfortunately, two months after the DUI... I had a really emotional procedure done and on the same night decided it would be wise to go out and drink just "one last time..." I woke up in jail the next morning having no idea how I had gotten there... I found out, in a blackout, that I had hit a taxi driver (with my tiny little fist -- not my car). So I have another charge to deal with to. Though for the future, I'm glad all of this came at once as it will be easier to explain when I need to. I had sought treatment after the DUI, but I still had my job, and the treatment centre I applied to wouldn't take me because I was a substance use counsellor (I wasn't active in my role with clients after the DUI, but still worked there and had my title). They didn't want to hurt any future working relationship we may have. I thought by this time I was "fine" and felt discouraged and figured I would just get a counsellor. It has been a rough 2012 haha.

EXM6

haha that's a REALLY good point Sapling. It's a heck of a lot easier to get into a bad place than to get out of one... and when you're drinking, at least for me, that's what you're consistently doing. Good point.

scrambled2012

Though for the future, I'm glad all of this came at once as it will be easier to explain when I need to.

Indeed. Get into a verifiable program, and work at it hard. Learn all you can and do the best that you can. When out, be honest with your fellows about changing your life, addressing your problems, trying to make good.

The world can be an awful, evil, cold place, this is true; but it can also be a forgiving and supportive place. You would be surprised at the opportunties your fellows will be willing to give you in your efforts to be a productive citizen. None of us are perfect, and the older we all get, the more we realize that. Making mistakes brings us humlity, and we in turn are more forgiving of others. Work at it; life is far from over. Trust me.

EXM6

haha thanks Scrambled -- you are an 'all around nice guy.'