Deserto

Sorry to hear about this Luling, but don't beat yourself up.

Can I point one thing out that leaped out at me?

"They'll never know."

I think thoughts like this illustrate why we really have to be doing this 100% for ourselves. Now, part of doing it for ourselves may very well be because of our relationships with other people, but if we allow sobriety to become something we do for others, then the thought of not doing it when they aren't around or can't see us becomes very tempting.

But these slips can be like mortar between the bricks, strengthening the entire edifice of sobriety. Dust yourself off and come on back to our May class... you've been a huge part of it!

Luling

You guys are so amazing; I am sincerely touched by the support. I'm not beating myself up (I did plenty of that when I woke up at 2:30 with a wicked headache and a dry mouth), but I'm still feeling pretty low and my confidence is shaken up. I really didn't think I was going to drink last night and I obviously am weaker than I thought. I guess I just have to toughen up and get stronger. I'll be fine, I really want to be sober. For myself. (thank you Deserto, for making me think about that. I'm doing it for me, and they'll benefit.)

Anyway, enough of all that. I'm not drinking tonight. I have a plan, a backup plan, and a backup backup plan.

EXM6

You've truly been inspiring an these boards... You've been getting sober while having to watch someone else drink as much as they'd like... Every time I read your posts I think to myself "how would I even deal with that?" and have wondered if I would be as successful. It's doubtful.

Not only have you been struggling with this... You posted THE FOLLOWING DAY. That's an accomplishment in its self. A lot of the time when we slip, we slip a few times before getting back on that horse. I've been coming here for years, and any time I decided to give into my AV, I'd abandon this website and my plans for getting sober until the next really "bad" thing happened.

You're going to get this done!

nel68

Hang in there Luling your back and that is a good thing Like I said the other day in your post I can relate. I was struggling myself this evening, my husband is drinking on the patio, tomorrow is my birthday. I even started to cry a little over the frustration of it. Try not to beat yourself up it does not help none, just move foward **{big hugs to you}}

artsoul

We have faith in you, Lulling! Give yourself a day or two to feel better and just focus on the solution.

Being alone used to be a big trigger for me, too, as was the end of the day. I needed to plan it out so that I had something to look forward to at those times. At first, it was food - I got carryout from my favorite restaurants every evening for several weeks and it was great! Whatever gives you a little reward.....

Keep your chin up.... this was just a bump in the road!:ghug3

Luling

Sorry. I don't know if I can do this.

pink62

So good to see you here Luling.
The fact that you posted here today shows just how strong and determined you are.
The eleven days you have are impressive and will only help you now.
I agree with others here re: your husband's beer in the fridge…not sure I would be able to resist.
Hope you jump back into the May 2012 thread, we miss and need you <3

CarolD

It was certainly nothing I ever planned to need or to do either...
However...it's been the most fantastic adventure I've discovered.
.

I asked a dear friend to go with me to my first meeting...here is a
link that might interest you...

Your First AA Meeting<

Blessings to you and your family...

Sapling

I think you can...What's going on Luling?

theysayimcrazy

it takes courage to admit you drank again. and the fact you did make it to 11 days.. awesome! progress NOT perfection.

OneLessLonely

You most certainly can, please don't give up. Keep reading posts all over this website, make an icy icy non-alcoholic drink, do 30 sit-ups, go in your car and scream.. do anything EXCEPT drink right now!!

OneLessLonely

Lu?

Elisabeth888

Thinking about you Luling.

Trust me: if I can do it, you can too! I am a total wackadoodle alcoholic. And you would not know it looking at me.

EXM6

lol Wackadoodle alcoholic. That just killed me.

Like everyone else is saying you so totally CAN do this!! I'm not sure what's going on with you right now, but there is definitely NO reason you should be sorry to anyone here. Don't take on that guilt, it isn't yours. Just remember, no matter what happens tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day.... We're all going to be here rooting for you.

Hope you're taking care.

CaiHong

Hi Luling
Keep your resolve strong. AA keeps me sober, I cant get to many meetings. I listen to XA speakers,Sugarbear sent you the link, this forum and AA are keeping me sober and happy.

What are your backup plans?

love
caiHong

CraigA

Don't give up on yourself just yet! It is hard to open up to face to face people look other loving recoverying alcoholics in the face and say "I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN, I NEED HELP!" Keep posting here until you build up the courage to go to a meeting! I waited ten years before I came back the shame, the judgement of what people will think I am- a loser- a no good whatever, (you get the idea) WOW! As soon as you realize it takes more than willpower or wishful thinking give A.A. a try, people will welcome you and help you, it will strengthen you! You will be amazed at the friends you will make and the length they will go for you with nothing in return! But just give up as long as you have a breathe of air in your lungs you have a chance! God Bless you on oyur journey!

desertsong

Luling, yes you CAN do this. The alcoholic in that lives in your brain, all of your insecurities, your fears, your self doubt ... THAT is what is telling you that you can't do this. And you know what? THEY LIE. The addict that lives in your brain wants you to believe that you can't do this but you are stronger than your addict. You just need good resources and tools to help you. Right now you don't know how to cope on your own, but what you don't seem to have discovered yet is that you don't HAVE to do this on your own. There are programs, resources, people, support that can help you. You have come to SR and that is a HUGE start. You shared with us how you drank last night. That took courage. You want a better life ... that shows you still have hope. Now you just need tools and a plan. How can we help with that?

Luling

Oh, I'm alright y'all. Things will be easier once the universe succumbs to my absolute control.

I didn't screw up as badly tonight, I stopped myself before I drank myself stupid. For what that's worth. I poured out the rest.

I found an aa meeting to check out tomorrow. Even though the whole 12 step thing gives me the heebie jeebies, at least I might meet some nice non-drinkers. All of my in-person friends are boozing tonight. It can't hurt anything to check it out, right? I suck at doing this on my own.

Sorry for being Debbie Downer, there are people who have bigger problems than I do and manage to hold their sh!t together.

Sapling

You go girl...I think you'll like it...There can't be that many people here bullsh!tting you.

instant

These are times we need to learn- don't beat yourself up, but look at what happened and re-evaluate (as you already seem to be doing)

Good Luck