takintyme

So want to be able to cut down. I now do not believe it is possible.

Day one for me. I am fully functioning during the day, but every night the
martini's call to me. I feel such despair and am scared.

I am so sad that I am putting my family through this. I feel like an embarassment to them. I am so selfish.

With such feelings of sadness how can I care about the alcohol. What is it
giving me that i continue this vicious cycle.

Ughhh!!!!

ttbp

I know exactly how you feel. I too didn't know how to stop.

Have you visited your Dr?

JimJim

Welcome takintyme, You posted this recently.

'I have been sober for 4 days. The first 3 1/2 days have been great. Feeling optimistic, positive'

and this today,

'' 'I feel such despair and am scared' Day one''



I do not think that we will find answers to are ill emotions through alcohol. You are not alone in your feelings of dispair and fear. Stick around. Best wishes

takintyme

I have made an appt with a therapist today.

Not sure what help it will bring, but I am going to be totally
honest about how the drinking scares me.

takintyme

Congrats on your 4 days. That is awesome

JimJim

Indeed four days is awesome. I quoted you! You said that. You will feel more positive without the booze. Good luck witht he therapist that is a positive move

StevenT

I can relate to what you are talking about exactly. For me there were moments of lucidity, where I saw drugs and alcohol as evil, a cause of pain in my life that I did not want. My resolve to not go back was great. Yet I always found myself back, using once again. This led to great self-pity and depression. Finally, someone introduced me to the 12-step fellowships. Through these, AA and NA, I have found freedom from the disease that we have in common. And it truly is just that. It is not who you you are to do the things you do, to drink and drink some more. It is a disease that you have, and there is a way out. What worked for me was going to some meetings and listening to others share, and hearing my story. Hearing what it was like for them, then what had happened, and then hearing the incredible stories of what their lives are like now. And knowing the same could be true for me.

Zencat

Good question and this worksheet (SMART Recovery® - Four Questions About My Addiction) can help you take a realistic look at the pro and con of drinking.

Some people recover from addiction by using the mystical spirituality of AA's 12-steps, that may be what you need. On the other hand I recover by building a skill set that frees me from the influence of alcohol.

Staying active here at SR will be of great aid to you. Kicking an addiction is no easy task, but you can do!

tomsteve

With such feelings of sadness how can I care about the alcohol. What is it
giving me that i continue this vicious cycle.


it sounds like the disease of alcoholism. there just happens to be a story in one of the editions of the big book of alcoholics anonymous titled " a vicious cycle."

desperation is what got me to the doors of AA. hope kept me there. working the steps got me sober and gives me a daily reprieve where the craving and complusion to drink is no longer there.

lydiebreeze

I agree with TomSteve...
EVERY DAY for the last year or so I have SWORN that that was IT - but a few hours later - glug, glug...
It was like I had no control whatsoever.
I'd SWEAR I wasn't going to drink and I'd find myself in line at the store bottle in hand - I'd wrestle with myself (put it back - put it back) 1/2 an hour later I'd be juiced up - singing in the mirror until I blacked out and then I'd do it all over again.
For me it took a lot of cries for help - until I got sick of putting everyone I love (and myself) through the wringer. I realized (and was TOLD) it was either quit now or lose the support I had forever...

takintyme

That was very clever. Thanks

Anna

I remember how frustrating it is when you try to cut down and it just doesn't work. But, it's good that you realize now that you need to stop drinking.

I hope your therapist appointment is helpful for you.

artsoul

Welcome (back)!

I had the same pattern, making promises to myself in the morning and drinking every night. The harder I tried to control it, the more I realized how much it controlled me.

It's terrifying to think about getting sober, but it's like the old saying "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." It's great that you're getting support - keep reading and posting!

Iwant2

Your therapist should help with your feelings towards drinking and help you redirect them. Keep in mind the therapist is your coach. Keep with it. It has helped me greatly.

Duke10

Welcome back. I see you first signed up 3 years ago. Sometimes it takes a long time to realize your problem. Get some help like you are. We will all be here. One day at a time!

Sapling

The nice thing is you don't have to do this alone...Find a program and work it...AA's my choice because it works for me...And I worked for it. Good luck to you...Because continued drinking does not get better. I know that.

Dee74

welcome back takintyme

I think supports really important- especially when you feel most vulnerable - so it's good to have you back

You're not alone in this

D

takintyme

Met with counselor went well. Thanks everyone for your posts.

Went for a 4 mile hike tonight and bypassed martini time (lol)

I'm actually tired.

Sleep well all!

EXM6

Hang in there, you have the rest of your life to turn things around!

I'm not sure anyone can pin point exactly WHY we continue to drink, or grieve its loss when when we quit, despite what it does to our lives... but unfortunately we do and we are all together in the that. I didn't touch alcohol for the first 13 years of my life, but I had known full well its effects from watching my mother and her friends when I did. 17 years later, here I am with a problem of my own, making a mess of my adult life.

We can turn it around, and it all starts with a simple "day 1." It will get better, I swear.

Zebra1275

I noticed by your "join date" that you've been around Sober Recovery awhile but only have a handful of posts. Stick around and keep posting, that's part of the ACTION you can take to get and stay sober.