My Life is Kind of Shambling Wreck From Drunken Tech But...
 

I just can't stop seeing humor. I'm a zillion dollars in debt, lost my wife, house, dog, health. Been a chronic relapser. If there is a psych label I've been labeled it. I read and hear other's stories and my heart breaks. I stop traffic to give a guy a buck and get honked at and have learned not to give the finger back, but smile and wave and hold the traffic up a bit longer. Classic insominiac, watching Fght Club tonight (highly recommend it). On meds I can't even remember what for but to keep the ticker ticking. Lonely but afraid of relationships, like intimacy is the Bubonic Plague. I'm a train derailed but discovered there are always alternative tracks. It's like I should be suicidal but then I just see humor in my life and I crack myself up. Maybe insanity is humor in the face of pain or maybe just delusional but I see and feel all of this then a thought just cracks me up. When I woke up in the hospital a few weeks ago I asked if I were dead or dying in the next few days and they said no so I asked then how much is this costing me and could I get a gown that covered my butt. If I wasn't dying in the next several hours I didn't want my cheeks exposed. Already have my euology planned to the theme of "Don't Fense Me In." A completely pointless post but I guess that's the point.

It is good to see humor in the situation, Fitz. Sometimes it is either laugh or cry, and it is far better to choose to laugh!

I have those times, too. Like today. It will change, Fitz.

Hang in there life's going to get better and manageable if you stay clean and try to do the next right thing, whatever that is for mycoolfitz. And I feel your pain on the debt thing, it really adds a lot of unwanted fear to our lives because for me at least I become worried that I'll have to lose all my possessions or become homeless or something. But then I remind myself that if I stay clean, am willing to put in work and try to do the next best thing, God will do the rest and I'll survive to live on and see happier days.

Fitz,

A sense of humor is what keeps me sober. if I couldn't laugh along with others and most importantly, at myself, I'd be doomed. humor is how I deal with stress. Silly is my default mode. While I take my sobriety very seriously, I take myself lightly and with a grain of salt.

So, be of good cheer.

Love from Lenina

Fitz,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I can relate to the debt, lost relationships, and lost possessions, and I'm only 29! I'm coming up on 18 months sober, and while my finances are still taking a hit, my life is better in a lot of ways. For example, I still have a "non-vomit" streak going from all the way back when I stopped drinking in 2010. When I was drinking heavily, I could vomit or dry heave everyday, all day sometimes. So even if I can just wake up without a hangover and without hugging the toilet, I'm light years ahead of where I was 18 months ago. Keep up the good fight and look for the smaller things in life that make sobriety worth it if you have to.

Fitz - people look at me REAL funny a lot of the time. The way I make fun of my situation - they think I'm laughing through the tears - but really I just find life kinda fun - even in my dark moments.
keep smiling

Fitz--sorry it is tough going. I, for one, appreciate the hell out of you, and am glad you are here. I am sure lots of others feel the same way. Your posts mean a lot to me.

Keep at it.

Since everything is but an illusion,

Perfect in being what it is,

Having nothing to do with good or bad,

Acceptance or rejection,

One might as well burst out laughing!

"We see that, regardless of the presence or absence of material success in our lives, we can be content. We can be happy and fulfilled with or without money, with or without a partner, with or without the approval of others. We've begun to see that God's will for us is the ability to live with dignity, to love ourselves and others, to laugh, and to find great joy and beauty and joy in our surroundings. Our most heartfelt longings and dreams are coming true. These priceless gifts are no longer beyond our reach. They are, in fact, the very essence of God's will for us." It works how and why, page 112.

I can relate to what you are going through. As of right now I am several thousands of dollars in debt, homeless, jobless, no family going to bat for me as I have burned those bridges long ago. I have only two garbage bags of possessions, and a fiance that cheated on me six days ago. Yet with these things, today I am truly happy, for I am sober. Today, and just for today, I have things going on in my heart and soul that I have never had before, and it's because I'm clean and sober, and doing something to stay clean and sober. My HP, who I choose to call God, has granted me what I truly want and need, and that is a happiness from within that is not dependent on what is on the outside. There is nothing in this world that can give me the joy of being able to experience life as I now do, clean.