reggiewayne

I'm 30 plus days sober and I am very up and down right now. My wife is still pushing the divorce and it appears that it is inevitable. I would say this is one of the lowest times in my life. But, it could be so much worse if I was drinking. I can't even imagine how badly I would be doing if I were drinking right now.

I am so grateful that something pushed me back into AA a week before this happened. This whole thing came out of nowhere and it seems like something intervened and got me where I needed to be to be able to handle this.

I just look back on my "bad days" before and I want to laugh at them. The things I "allegedly" drank over in the past were a complete joke. It's kind of like the guy with a cold complaining to the girl with terminal cancer on how bad he feels.

This break up has taught me a ton on perspective. Things can always be worse and even at our lowest times we have things to be grateful for.

So, tonight I go to bed heartbroken, sad, lonely, BUT SOBER. I need to keep in mind that all of this could be made twice as bad if I drink. So I push on. Tomorrow is another day and I'm grateful that I'll be present to experience it.

Goodnight all!

theysayimcrazy

really awesome that you have over a month. i can never make it past 30 days. anyway, my significant other and i just went through a break up (we met in the program, bad idea) of course, i relapsed over it, but props to you for staying strong. im slowly putting the pieces back together, worked steps 1 - 5 with my sponsor yesterday, took 9 and a half hours but was worth it. i realize now that this was a perfect example of life on life's terms. situations like this are always gonna pop up for us. and we get through them. hang in there! xo

crewisms

Beautiful post, Reggiewayne. Your strength and conviction, your courage and honesty -- inspiring, to say it lightly.

Jitterbugg

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time Reggiewayne. Chin up!

CaiHong

good Morning Reggie,
hope you are feeling better today. you have a great attitude and this will be a great attribute to help you stay sober.

TSIA Crazy,
"OF course I drank over it". That sounds like because something bad happens I drink, it's inevitable. Is that how it is for you, really?

love and strength to you both

caiHong

Luling

It make take a lot of strength getting through this without falling into old habits. Great post, I love your attitude.

tomsteve

man, its awesome to read this from newcomers to recovery!!! i am sorry to see ya having to trudge the road to happy destiny so early on. i am very greatful to read someone who, like myself, can remember just what alcohol really did for them!
this, too, shall pass and we are with you in spirit!

theysayimcrazy

yep. but at the end of the day, i know it's just me looking for an excuse to use.

Jeni26

What a difficult time, and what amazing strength you have.
You are in my thoughts. Keep going xxx

Dee74

You have a lot of people here in your corner Reggie - I hope the low times will soon be replaced by better days

D

Zee

Well said! ... I find that kind of logic keeps me grounded!
Time does heal (what a darn cliche, I hate cliches!) but it does!
Some crud has happened in my life since sobriety but I have had it in me to face it with a clear head. Its nice having a clear head isn't it! x

Chrisy

I admire your strength.

JimJim

Thanks for posting Reggie.

I read this poem by Maya Angelou, I found her on You Tube years later with a reading that is most excellent.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Mark75

Hey Reggie...

My parents divorced. My father was alcoholic. He was not abusive, always came home, didn't gamble with the rent money, none of that kind of stuff... that was many years ago and I was only around 21 years old, so I don't know everything that happened behind the marital door, never will.

Just before it all hit the fan, my father went to AA... I remember thinking many things about that, WTF, he's not alcoholic!, and, which gets me to the point of this post, why bother, really, I thought... she's leaving you and this AA thing ain't gonna change that. In fact I asked him those very things .... (...I've never been one to hold back, I know, that comes as a big surprise to many, LOLOL, tongue in cheek.)....

He said he didn't know how he was gonna get through it, but he knew that he couldn't do it unless he was sober.

He died too young (hearrt, not alcohol, related), only 63. But he died with around 25 sober years in AA. When we had his viewing, their were 300-400 people lined up around the block waiting to pay their respect... nearly all AA's. I frankly didn't know how handle that, some people coming up, crying themselves, saying he helped save their life and all, being he was their sponsor (I wasn't really sure what that was at the time). Phew...

I don't if that was helpful to you, or not, it was to me! I guess I just remember how awful low he was in those times, when he was facing divorce. Never saw him like that. He never quite got over my mother, but he was very happy and did lots of cool stuff with cool people and he was a real good father... and grandfather.

Get and stay recovered, Reggie, now.

Zebra1275

Reggie, good for you for not picking up during this difficult time. I've had some tough times in my life, and really I think everyone does if they live long enough. I guess that's what gives older people wisdom. I know it's a cliche' but the passage of time really makes a difference. Stay strong, 24 hours at a time.

Sapling

That's a great post Matk....Nice.

Saliena

Good job Reggie.. you are a light to many out there right now. Keep doing the next right thing.

Spinach

Reggie ,
Thanks your quite right, but more importantly your helping all here if I could I would . Your life drinking right now would be so volatile.
John.

ru12

Hi Reggie,

I'm sorry to read about your recent troubles. I does take some real wisdom to firmly know that this isn't something that drinking can make better. Hang in there bro.