Had enough of me now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Had enough of me now
I am done with myself.
Had enough.
I cannot go on like this.
All I want to do is disappear from human contact.
I wish I could erase people's memories so they never, ever knew me and the ridiculous, stupid, thoughtless, things I did.
I hate myself.
The voices and thoughts swirl round in my head all day long.
I realise this is my punishment, but I am so tired of it all, physically and emotionally. Like I am being tortured.
I would just love a bit of respite PLEASE
Had enough.
I cannot go on like this.
All I want to do is disappear from human contact.
I wish I could erase people's memories so they never, ever knew me and the ridiculous, stupid, thoughtless, things I did.
I hate myself.
The voices and thoughts swirl round in my head all day long.
I realise this is my punishment, but I am so tired of it all, physically and emotionally. Like I am being tortured.
I would just love a bit of respite PLEASE
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Sasha, self-loathing was, for me, a big part of my disease. It gets better as you get farther away from abusing substances, and your better able to sort out what's underneath. You have my prayers and thoughts. Keep coming back to post!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I felt like that just before I quit Sasha. It's not your punishment, it's addiction. As above, sobriety will help clear up the self loathing. I wouldn't have believed it if someone had said that to me but it really is true! xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Sasha4 
I am done with myself.
Had enough.
I cannot go on like this.
you dont have to.
All I want to do is disappear from human contact.
all ya goota do is make a decision to change
I wish I could erase people's memories so they never, ever knew me and the ridiculous, stupid, thoughtless, things I did.
prolly more insane than ridiculous.
I hate myself.
let us love ya to you can love yourself.
The voices and thoughts swirl round in my head all day long.
I realise this is my punishment, but I am so tired of it all, physically and emotionally. Like I am being tortured.
it is not punishment. it is the emotional and mental effects of alcoholism/addiction.
I would just love a bit of respite PLEASE
Had enough.
I cannot go on like this.
you dont have to.
All I want to do is disappear from human contact.
all ya goota do is make a decision to change
I wish I could erase people's memories so they never, ever knew me and the ridiculous, stupid, thoughtless, things I did.
prolly more insane than ridiculous.
I hate myself.
let us love ya to you can love yourself.
The voices and thoughts swirl round in my head all day long.
I realise this is my punishment, but I am so tired of it all, physically and emotionally. Like I am being tortured.
it is not punishment. it is the emotional and mental effects of alcoholism/addiction.
I would just love a bit of respite PLEASE
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Sasha,
I can relate to how you are feeling. I have been there many times. it's hard to imagine not feeling like that. Being sober has freed me from those feelings of shame and remorse
You are no different from us. What are you doing to get sober? AA and this forum keep me sober.
Love
CaiHong
I can relate to how you are feeling. I have been there many times. it's hard to imagine not feeling like that. Being sober has freed me from those feelings of shame and remorse
You are no different from us. What are you doing to get sober? AA and this forum keep me sober.
Love
CaiHong
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Sasha, Your friends here aren't giving up on you. We know you want a better life. Try to stop with the guilt, remorse, and regret. They're all understandable feelings, but they serve no purpose. Learn from what happened and move forward. Maybe you'll never feel this miserable again.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Sasha
How about keeping a diary of how you feel and if you have drunk. I think you'll pretty quickly spot that without alcohol, when its the real you, you have a much more positive view of yourself.
How about keeping a diary of how you feel and if you have drunk. I think you'll pretty quickly spot that without alcohol, when its the real you, you have a much more positive view of yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Sasha, I understand the self loathing. I've been getting a lot of that over the years. At the weekend, when I had my slip ups, I certainly felt a lot worse about myself than I did the previous week when I'd been sober, or rather, once I'd got through the first couple of days...
And beating yourself up doesn't really help. I know it didn't help me in the slightest. Be kind to yourself, your mistakes, the things you've done, however you want to look at them, are in the past. To learn from them and put them behind you is the best you can do. And, if they've hurt other people, then make amends and put them behind you. Guilt helps nobody.
And beating yourself up doesn't really help. I know it didn't help me in the slightest. Be kind to yourself, your mistakes, the things you've done, however you want to look at them, are in the past. To learn from them and put them behind you is the best you can do. And, if they've hurt other people, then make amends and put them behind you. Guilt helps nobody.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I have not drunk for months and months.
I simply cannot drink anymore.
I attend AA meetings were I can.
I just seem to be surrounded by some mean people who like to belittle and laugh at other hardships.
I'm not coming off a binge, this my life 24/7.
All I do is panic, feel on edge and feel paranoid and worthless.
I simply cannot drink anymore.
I attend AA meetings were I can.
I just seem to be surrounded by some mean people who like to belittle and laugh at other hardships.
I'm not coming off a binge, this my life 24/7.
All I do is panic, feel on edge and feel paranoid and worthless.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Are you seeing a therapist? What in your life is out of balance and what can you do in your life to restore that balance? As you are aware, you cannot change those around you do the change must come from within.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,345
Hi Sasha 
I'd spent years hating myself too...as drinking was no longer an option I had to deal with the reasons why I hated myself. Counselling helped a little, but basically I fixed what I could and I accepted the rest.
The more good I did in my life the harder it was for me to believe the old ways I'd thought about myself. Volunteering and other kinds of service work were a godsend for me.
Surrounding myself with good supportive people helped immensely too.
When I sobered up I realised the people I'd surrounded myself with to faciliate my drinking were not the people I needed around me to facilitate my recovery...are you finding the same thing too?
D
I'd spent years hating myself too...as drinking was no longer an option I had to deal with the reasons why I hated myself. Counselling helped a little, but basically I fixed what I could and I accepted the rest.
The more good I did in my life the harder it was for me to believe the old ways I'd thought about myself. Volunteering and other kinds of service work were a godsend for me.
Surrounding myself with good supportive people helped immensely too.
When I sobered up I realised the people I'd surrounded myself with to faciliate my drinking were not the people I needed around me to facilitate my recovery...are you finding the same thing too?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I have not drunk for months and months.
I simply cannot drink anymore.
I attend AA meetings were I can.
I just seem to be surrounded by some mean people who like to belittle and laugh at other hardships.
I'm not coming off a binge, this my life 24/7.
All I do is panic, feel on edge and feel paranoid and worthless.
I simply cannot drink anymore.
I attend AA meetings were I can.
I just seem to be surrounded by some mean people who like to belittle and laugh at other hardships.
I'm not coming off a binge, this my life 24/7.
All I do is panic, feel on edge and feel paranoid and worthless.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
pg 59 bb
Work the steps....The suggested program of recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Today I got my wish - I spoke to no-one.
I took a melatonin tablet last night, as I was desperate to sleep. I was in tears as I was so tired.
However, the natural that is 'melatonin' made me feel horrendous. In the Uk we cannot buy, melatonin, it is prescription only. Now I know why.
Funny, all the people who have slated me for using other methods to sleep, suddenly shut up when they heard how I had got on.
Whole weekend is now ruined as I have lost a day and will have to work.
The whole world was on a slant. I had tunnel vision, my head throbbed.
I felt horrific and had to lie in bed and look at the ceiling.
I took a melatonin tablet last night, as I was desperate to sleep. I was in tears as I was so tired.
However, the natural that is 'melatonin' made me feel horrendous. In the Uk we cannot buy, melatonin, it is prescription only. Now I know why.
Funny, all the people who have slated me for using other methods to sleep, suddenly shut up when they heard how I had got on.
Whole weekend is now ruined as I have lost a day and will have to work.
The whole world was on a slant. I had tunnel vision, my head throbbed.
I felt horrific and had to lie in bed and look at the ceiling.
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