Accepting the Realities
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Raleigh NC
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Accepting the Realities
So I am 22 days sober today and feeling great. I feel like a totally different person in the way I think and act. I decided today I would go to AA. It was such a different experience than I ever had in a meeting before. I know for a fact that this is because my heart and mind are open to it and because I am being proactive in every respect about my health and I'm being more honest with myself and others than I have been in years. I am an alcoholic and I cannot drink. Not one sip. I will not go back to that pain and agony and without alcohol my life is such a pleasant place.
I quit drinking for over a year before (2005) and went back because I thought, as we all do at some point, that I could control it. Well now its 7 years later. So much for control. I will say that having that experience when I was younger has allowed me the gift of knowing the hard work that lies ahead and that I cannot ever take my foot off the gas. I am so grateful for this forum and for the support I have in my life. Without it I do not know where I would be. Thank you all.
I quit drinking for over a year before (2005) and went back because I thought, as we all do at some point, that I could control it. Well now its 7 years later. So much for control. I will say that having that experience when I was younger has allowed me the gift of knowing the hard work that lies ahead and that I cannot ever take my foot off the gas. I am so grateful for this forum and for the support I have in my life. Without it I do not know where I would be. Thank you all.
x
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Originally Posted by SobrietyNow 
I decided today I would go to AA. It was such a different experience than I ever had in a meeting before. I know for a fact that this is because my heart and mind are open to it and because I am being proactive in every respect about my health and I'm being more honest with myself and others than I have been in years. I am an alcoholic and I cannot drink.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
excellent post,
Attitude is so important to recovery. When I am grouchy, judgemental it's not the target of these negative feelings that's causing it, it's me. I can only be aware of these feelings, observe them and not react to them.
I went to 3 meetings in the last 2 days. Prior to that I hadn't made a meeting in 3 months.
Such a relief to be back.
love
CaiHong
Attitude is so important to recovery. When I am grouchy, judgemental it's not the target of these negative feelings that's causing it, it's me. I can only be aware of these feelings, observe them and not react to them.
I went to 3 meetings in the last 2 days. Prior to that I hadn't made a meeting in 3 months.
Such a relief to be back.
love
CaiHong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Raleigh NC
Posts: 53
Thanks everyone! Sapling, that is so true and its part of the reason that I wanted to post. In complete and total honesty I've always been one of those people that didn't think I was "AA Material". I don't know where I got the idea that there was such a think as "AA Material" since the only real requirement is to be an alcoholic and I've always had that box checked!
Anyway, when I went to AA previously I had a wall around me and was not open to it at all. I can see in retrospect that I didn't want help and so it didn't help me. I want to say this particularly because if that is you, I totally understand. The thing is if you think you have a drinking problem, you probably do. But if you can open yourself up and start to listen, I mean REALLY listen, and HEAR...you'll hear more similarities than differences. And truth be told, it's really comforting. Just like this site.
I hear so much about moderation, and that's probably what kept me from AA for so long. I couldn't put that level of accountability on myself. But now this stupid liquid has tricked me long enough. I've spent so many years (12 more or less) thinking about it and trying to control it and really all that time, its been controlling me. The irony for me was too much not to share, the girl that has always been opposed to AA, finally seeing it for what it is! Thanks for letting me share that, it's a huge deal for me.
Anyway, when I went to AA previously I had a wall around me and was not open to it at all. I can see in retrospect that I didn't want help and so it didn't help me. I want to say this particularly because if that is you, I totally understand. The thing is if you think you have a drinking problem, you probably do. But if you can open yourself up and start to listen, I mean REALLY listen, and HEAR...you'll hear more similarities than differences. And truth be told, it's really comforting. Just like this site.
I hear so much about moderation, and that's probably what kept me from AA for so long. I couldn't put that level of accountability on myself. But now this stupid liquid has tricked me long enough. I've spent so many years (12 more or less) thinking about it and trying to control it and really all that time, its been controlling me. The irony for me was too much not to share, the girl that has always been opposed to AA, finally seeing it for what it is! Thanks for letting me share that, it's a huge deal for me.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Posts: 8,997
Good for you...When I walked into AA I was blessed that I knew nothing about it. All I knew was I was broken and I couldn't drink any more. I was done. You can't get any more openminded and willing than that. I wanted what they had...They gave me hope. I did what they did and haven't had a drink since and I'm finally enjoying life after 35 years of drinking. And all it cost me was getting honest with myself. What a deal. Enjoy the ride...It will change your life.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Congrats. I sooo relate to your post. Especially the part about having some time and knowing that you can handle it again. That happened to me about a year ago. It's that whole "now that I have the knowledege I'll know what not to do". For me, it doesn't work. I have a metal obessesion followed by a physical craving EVERY SINGLE TIME.
The second I drink, I start thinking "how can I get more". It's absolutely amazing to me that my behavior toward alcohol is written in the big book of AA. I am working with a sponsor and we just got done reading the first 43 pages (step 1). I literally related to all of it. It's like someone was in my head and wrote my story.
Pretty amazing how we're all different people, from different economic classes, geographical locations, race, sex, etc... but we all share the same issue in many of the same ways with a substance.
Thanks for posting!
The second I drink, I start thinking "how can I get more". It's absolutely amazing to me that my behavior toward alcohol is written in the big book of AA. I am working with a sponsor and we just got done reading the first 43 pages (step 1). I literally related to all of it. It's like someone was in my head and wrote my story.
Pretty amazing how we're all different people, from different economic classes, geographical locations, race, sex, etc... but we all share the same issue in many of the same ways with a substance.
Thanks for posting!
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