tomsteve

great news!! today was progress over yesterday for ya!!! yer NOT a lost cause. i was one drink away from suicide when i got into recovery. useless, worthless POS( so i thought). early sobriety is gonna have pain. i personally was willing to go through that pain because it wasnt as painful as waking up after a blackout and being told what i had done and said the night before.

Chrisy

I sometimes think why some of us choose life and find the inner strength to live and others can't seem to make and fight for a good and happy life. You are here and I know you have the inner strength to make it through. Day 3 is bad. There are alot of bad days, but just think once through you never have to go through those dark bad days again.

Good luck and we are always here to support you on the internet. It is nice to always find someone on here as people are from all over the world who use this forum.

wonderfullife

Day three is when I usually drink again. By that time, I have eaten great, exercised, and just feel wonderful. Except, I really want to drink. Excuses line up. Things like, you are sore from exercise and its a rest day etc...So I drink and the next morning I am back to square one. Square one is starting to bore the ..... out of me. I'm sure I could keep doing this for a long long time. I am also sure that my death bed would be full of regret. that thought keeps me moving. not far yet, but moving.

cb1

well, her I am again today. Hung over and begging God to forgive me. I drank saturday and was so sick Sunday that I prayed if he would let me live, I would never drank again. Well, he let me live, and last night i drank g 6 glasses of wine. I said (to God) i was drinking hard core liquor Saturday night...a couple glasses of wine isn't the same thing....well today I am sick, twitching, depressed, and my heart feels like it is going to pop out of my chest. i guess i was just fooling myself, and God is letting me know it. I gotta quit before I kill myself. Funny, when I am drinking I don't care about anything but the buzz, living or dying don't matter, but when i'm sober and hungover I beg God to spare me. I wonder how many more chances is he going to give me? i have got to look at this as my final chance.

soberjim

CB1...What you are dealing with many others have as well.. The nature of alcoholism..

Lots of support here. Keep posting and tune that voice out. It will tell you many things that are false in order to get you to drink again...Wine is the same thing.

Have you seen a doctor?

cb1

I need a new plan, and feeling sorry for myself is not it. i went to the doctor back in Feb. She put me on anti depressants, and (THE WORST) xanax. But I have to say the xanax has been a godsend for some of my withdrawls. She called me back and wanted me to come back for more bllod tests because my liver results were bad. Never went back. Alcohol has runied my live. Don't get me wrong ....I have a great job (for Now) and a great son, but all failed relationships due to alcohol. I guess that is where I need to stop feeling sorry for myself!!!!

LadyinBC

Congrats of day 3! Being sober is worth it! There is a grieving process when you quit drinking. For me it was like a friend who was always there and all of sudden it's gone. The only way I could cope was drinking and to all of sudden not have it was scary, despressing, I felt lost and yes, I felt sorry for myself.

These feelings really do get better the longer you are sober. Take it a day at a time or even a minute at a time.

chainsaw4618

Hey cb1: Long time relapser here working Day7. I'm lucky in that I don't seem to have those really bad days. What I suffer are those sudden bursts of desire for some "celebration" afters days (weeks!) of sobriety. I know my brain is always ready to ambush me. You raise the issue of self pity. What's wrong with that? Most of us are here because we realize the dire straights of our situation. What is not to pity? We deserve to cut ourselves some slack and realize that we are in a fragile stage. I hope you (we!) can pull through these dark times and realize that we can make it some clear headed days of feeling awake, not embarrassing ourselves, and not having to constantly remember what lies we've been telling to cover up our habits. Best of luck.

Coldfusion

Hi CB--

You said something about how many more chances will God give you--

I am really struggling with the concept of "God." I am an atheist, but everybody else seems comfortable with a God or no-God except me...

But whatever God is, I have this feeling that He is good, and alcohol is not totally in His control. There is also something out there like a Devil that is different and separate from God, and alcohol is the Devil's spirit.

God isn't giving you chances. You have taken too many chances from the Devil, and now it is time to stop. It won't be easy--I suggest AA meetings--but we can give you a lot of support here at SR too.

ruserius247

I believe addiction is a symptom of some underlying concerns or fears. Can you identify those? Is something else bothering you?

If you can resolve some of that hurt, anger, depression, I believe it will make it easier for you to be sober.

Also, try to remember that some of that depression and anxiety comes from the withdrawals.

And yes, its OK for you to feel sorry for yourself, as long as its not self-destructive.

TM75

Hi CB1

Yes, Yes, Yes. Being sober is absolutely worth it although it doesn't seem like it at times. It's early days for you at the moment and your emotions are probably all over the place. Keep going - it will get better. Don't give up now.

I say this after a lapse where I embarked on a 7 day bender (again) drinking ludicrous amounts of alcohol, not knowing day from night and humiliating myself beyond belief. Today, I feel ashamed but will keep on fighting for sobriety. Think how hideous it was when you were drinking and never forget how that felt because sometimes we kid ourselves that things were never that bad. Believe me - It's a living hell. Stay strong - you can do it.

jkb

cb1-
I began reading this thread because I am on day 3... so far its ok because I am at work...however... i read in one of your posts about the xanax and just wanted to say I understand how great they are for alcohol withdrawl and am not in any way judging you but....those pills take on a life of thier own from my experience and then you have two issues to deal with... and benzo wd was truly a horrible terrifying experience that I would never have believed until I went though it. Stay strong, start over, dont beat yourself up... and be really careful with that xanax....just my thoughts, jkb

Eliz181144

cb, I posted on your other thread as well. I know you're using the Xanax to ease withdrawal but like jkb said...careful!

Quinne

In the early days, one of my turning points was asking myself "What if?"

The entire question was/is "What if I give myself a chance to be happy?"

Happiness is fleeting, I know-but I hadn't felt anything close to happy for years.

The first few days are hard-try and take it easy and maybe indulge in food and warm, sweet drinks like tea It does get better......and better, and better!

Please be really careful with the xanax too, that can cause problems of its own.

Xx

lilgolden73

I am only just over 3 months in, I was the same way early on! Hang in there, its worth it