Mainza

Well I am just over 6 months sober and I am very happy with my decision to quit alcohol. I am running in my first 20k this weekend and am in probably the best shape of my life. However there are still many areas of my life I need to work on. I go on and off with eating healthy. I'll eat very healthy for a week, then I will eat fast food/junk for a week. I am asking for advice on how to address this.

I am single and have had trouble making friends in a town I have lived in for close to a year. I want to be active and engaged in my community but am not religious. I know I can volunteer at other places but how do you make great and lasting friendships? It seemed so easy when I was a kid. Now it is like there are many people I just don't relate to.

A final issue is that I waste way too much time on the internet/facebook. It is just so easy and distracting to view websites and pictures. Anyone have strategies for dealing with this?

Thank you for reading. Something about quitting alcohol is that it can help reveal so many other issues in your life. Quitting has given me the motivation and confidence to address these other problems but I am struggling. Any help is appreciated.

DayTrader

Same for me..... knock the addiction to booze down and that old "lifestyle" tries to reassert itself in a new area. That alone is proof enough for me that alcohol never was THE problem.

Sure, it was A problem.....but it was more of an external symptom of an internal condition.

Treating the internal condition - the underlying issue - helps immensely and brings me closer to that "ideal" - the life I've been striving for. One with true sobriety in ALL areas of my life.

Gottalife

Like DT, there was a lot more wrong with me than just too much booze. When the booze went I was left in an emotionally stunted state to say the least. Relating to others was my biggest problem. Even a simple question like how are you feeling? would completely baffle me. It turns out I was suffering from a spiritual malady. A bit difficult for an agnostic to swallow, but I was in no position to argue. AA steps turned out to be the remedy for the spiritual malady, and as I progressed with them, all other areas of life got better. Especially my ability to relate to others. Like DT and many others the result was true sobriety in all areas of my life.

Change4good

Thankfully you can deal with the issues sober. Might not seem like a blessing, but it is.

It is wonderful to hear that you are in great shape, and running a race this weekend!

I do understand about diversions, especially Facebook and the like. For one day, I told myself that I was going to fill every minute with something productive, but allow myself 60 minutes to be "non-productive" as a way to release stress. It was a good day. :-)

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are making great strides. I understand you are frustrated. . .at least you know why. Gently work on these issues.

Mainza

Very helpful. Thank you...it is comforting to know I am not alone.

OklaBH

alcohol is tough enough to get over..when i hear there is a bigger problem hiding underneath i want to lock myself in my room and not come out.

UpperbucksAAguy

All of these other problems further solidified that the alcohol was just a symptom of a bigger problem

Zencat

Those two qualities will serve you well.

Try a Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup search for an activity that you enjoy and see if other people are doing the same.

DayTrader

Perhaps "bigger" isn't the right word..... "root cause" seems more appropriate. I use "bigger" because those darn roots seem to reach all sorts of stems (booze being a stem, for example).

Pulling the weed but missing the root works temporarily...but the weed comes back. That's why you hear so many of us AA-types telling ppl just putting a plug in the jug (IF you can get that far) probably won't be enough. For some folks, that weed doesn't grow back for weeks.....months....maybe years. For me, I can't afford any more weeds. Pulling the roots isn't a barrel of laughs......but it's better than weeding all-day every-day.

Mizz

I dont know if this will help but....... As for eating healthy one week and junk food the next. I have found that i can't be to extreme with either. I allow myself dessert after my giant salad. I'm not going to spend my time feeling guilty and concerned. I think that quitting alcohol is a HUGE step. Everything else that you would like to change in your life will change with time. Perfection is really hard to obtain.....its impossible actually (not saying your a perfectionist). I see that alcoholics are extreme by nature and moderation is not a word that fits into our vocabulary. At least from my own experience....
One day at a time. One thing at a time. I wish you the best on your run this weekend. I too am a runner. I guess that is why I think that junk food in my diet is acceptable. I expend a ton of calories out on that pavement.
Have you looked into a running group? How about taking a art class? Speaking of being on the internet for long periods of time.....I must go.

Mcribb

Are you doing everything you can to meet new people? You can't force most things to happen, all you can true is do what you can. Beating yourself up stunts your growth.

TSDD

If you're not drinking today you're a howling success in my book. Personally I found the more I try to chase feeling good or fixing myself the more elusive it was. The best thing I can do is focus on staying sober and staying out of my own way, all the things I really want come to me just when they're supposed to.... some things don't come to me and I realize I didn't really want them at all.


Of course being somewhat used to instant gratification that was not the answer I ever wanted, but it's proven true for me.

CaiHong

Mainza,
Good on you for getting in shape. Three months ago after 9 months sober I decided enough already with the baked goods, time to stop "comforting" yourself with food.

I went raw for 4 weeks, very strict, I am not a moderate person. This time allowed me to change my habits. I lost weight my energy level rose and overall I am feeling so much better. this now is my diet of choice..
The healthier I am the easier it is to stay drinking and get on with life.

Zencat's link looks very promising. yes spending too much time on the Internet can be time wasting and stagnating,the exception of course being sober recovery

love
Carol

Angela1234

Hey Mainza! I didn't get a chance to read the other posts so I apologize if I'm repeating.

I moved to a new city two years ago and struggled to meet people my age! What I found was two thing: my city has an adult sports league. I signed up for volley ball and played with people who had a similar interest in sports and we found as a team we many other similar interests. The downside is the social aspect usually involved going to a pub after the game so that's your call!

The other thing was "Meet ups". I don't know if they have ten everywhere but you go to meetup.com and choose what activities you like and you get emails when the people in the group are meeting up to do that activity (ie photography) .

I hope that helps and good luck in your race! Congrats with 6 months!

auden67

We found that having some basic, easy recipes at hand, plus easy access to healthy food, and now a Vitamix (blender) made it very easy to try healthier options. We haven't cut out all the junky foods, but we typically eat a veggie-based soup and salad for at least one meal, and healthy smoothie for breakfast. I'm trying to work up the motivation to exercise more. I'm so early in sobriety and worried about becoming restless.

icafe

Hi Mainza,
Congratulations on 6 months! I am right behind you with 5 months. Don't let me pass you!

You cant re-build Rome in a day. I say, go ahead, do anything that steers you away from the bottle. Too much facebook is not healthy, but if you want to deal with an internet addiction later in 6 more months then do it. Now is not the time to beat yourself up over not gaining perfection instantly. You are making great progress and achievements rapidly right now with sobriety, diet, and exercise! Now you are recognizing that you have some area to fill in the social arena. It sounds like you are right on a good track to me!

I am struggling with the same issues as you, I want to repair my damaged body with quality healthy foods and exercise. I could also use some new positive sober friends.
Icafe.

ZiggyB

I actually cancelled my Facebook, not to say that I don't waste time on other sites but they are usually more useful ones that have some sense of purpose for me.

brunsee

Wow TSDD this message really speaks to me today. Am approaching 5 months and going crazy at times trying to do too much all at once. Need to remind myself to trust in the progress i have made and continue taking it one day or one moment at a time. Thanks a bunch

brunsee

If you're not drinking today you're a howling success in my book. Personally I found the more I try to chase feeling good or fixing myself the more elusive it was. The best thing I can do is focus on staying sober and staying out of my own way, all the things I really want come to me just when they're supposed to.... some things don't come to me and I realize I didn't really want them at all.


Of course being somewhat used to instant gratification that was not the answer I ever wanted, but it's proven true for me.

awesome words

brunsee

5 months and find myself and having tough time with anxiety. Praying it doesnt increase in this coming month. Im off my initial cloud and need help finding ways to stay in the moment...would be grateful for any ideas?