gordano

I guess it bothered me because I only really told two people about my alcoholism (my wife and her) and she makes comments all the time about how she can handle her booze and that its unfortunate that I cant drink moderately like her. I think its the fact that I feel judged by her and even looked down on. The only reason I told her about my alcoholism was because I used to drink with her and I wanted to make it clear to her that I wouldn't be drinking ever again.

Lost3000

I wish for that, I truly do. But the realist in me knows better.

Lost3000

Well, like others have said, she is likely making the comments because of her own insecurities. When I first quit, and my other friends that drank noticed, they made all kinds of weird comments. Their insecurity was much more obvious. But I'm thinking your sister in law has the same problem, especially if she's drinking a six pack per night - that's not normal.

Luling

Ice cream instead of alcohol -- I can get on board with that, as long as it's chocolate. Good job staying away from alcohol!

Lost3000

To be specific, ice cream cake!!!! Turtle, with nuts and fudge. OMG.

gordano

She definitely has a drinking problem. She has had two DUI's in the last three years (both were crashes and she almost broke her neck in the last one). Anyway, she was trying to get my wife to drink with her yesterday, but my wife told her that she wasn't going to drink anymore to support me. The fact my wife said that to her gave me another big reason not to drink yesterday and I thanked my wife before going to bed. I also told her I didn't want my drinking problem to prevent her from enjoying a drink from time to time (she actually can have one or two drinks and then stop), but she said she now realizes that alcohol only causes problems and she doesn't want to drink anymore either. Its much easier to stay sober when your spouse is not only supporting you, but staying sober as well.

Lost3000

Oh I hear you!!!! My husband is exactly the same way. Hasn't really drank since I quit, says he's supporting me. He can have one and be just fine (annoying, isn't it!!?!?) and I've told him to go ahead and have one when we are out. He had two drinks on vacation, and one beer back in early Jan. but that's it! I don't think this would be nearly this easy if I didn't have his support. I'm so grateful.

gordano

so anyway, last night my sister-in-law came home and was drinking something (I was purposely trying to block it out), but she comes into the living room and sits down next to me and asks my wife if she wanted a drink. My wife says yes and my sister-in-law hands me a glass to hand to my wife. I can smell the drink and it smells like a 7-11 slushy. Of course I get this urge to drink now, and to make matters worse I am sitting in between the two of them while they are having a conversation and all I can think of is the sweet smell of alcohol on their breath. Realizing this is not a good situation for me I go take a shower and read in my bedroom. I found out later my wife just took a sip and put the glass down and didn't finish it. I wouldn't have minded if she did drink because its completely up to her, but it does bother me that alcohol is flaunted and paraded right in my face. Anyway, I guess I need these tests because I am not always going to be able to avoid alcohol for the rest of my life.

Elisabeth888

Way to go! Sounds like you handled it great. It sounds like your SIL will be a great deterrant and make you NOT want to drink.

gordano

Now that I think of it, you are right. When I analyze her life I notice that whenever she has a problem, she goes straight to the bottle to deal with it. She never actually works on her problems, she just works on getting drunk. Because of this more and more problems accumulate and she gets more and more helpless. The reason I am saying this is not to judge her (although it looks like I am). I am saying this because this was the exact cycle I was in when I was drinking. When I was drinking I was losing more and more control of my life with each drink. I wasn't able to fully understand this until I could see similar behavior in her. I wish there was something I could do to help her, but right now I am doing everything I can to keep myself sober and I have to keep this as my #1 priority for now.

jobei

Silver lining = The kids go home and you don't have to deal with them. The niece does.

Lost3000

I get what you are saying about "tests", but I think it's totally overboard to have it in your home. Your home is supposed to be your safety zone, the one place you can lay your head down and be safe. Your SIL really has issues with it, especially that you aren't drinking. Maybe a good talk with your wife about it, and perhaps some kind of house rule. It is YOUR house after all!

I really feel for ya, there's no way I'd do well with that. I have tons of work stress right now, and then the niece thing, and if I had booze in the house I think I'd absolutely freak out! Hang in there, you are doing great! I really like your tactics.

Lost3000

Yeah, like Elisabeth says, your SIL is a sort of deterrant for you. I don't think you can help people - maybe if she reached out to you - but it's really on her to get to that realization. Just like we all had to. You can't tell mpeople what to do, you know?

I haven't given it much thought as to my cycle. Right now I'm so stressed at work and neglecting my own sobriety (meetings with sponsor, AA mtgs) that I feel I need to work on that for now.

Lost3000

Oh I know! I can't imagine having her life. With that chaos going on all the time!!!!!

gordano

I know, I need to talk to my wife about this... for a while my SIL would only go to the bars to drink and didn't have and alcohol in the house, but gradually its been creeping back into the house. I think this would be a good way to get her to move out. I know if we tell her she can't drink anymore in our house, then she will certainly have a strong reason to step the apartment search. I discussed with my wife last night about giving her 30 days notice to move out. We don't want to, but she hasn't respected our house rules. Anyway, thanks for your kind words...

Lost3000

Any time! I guess boundaries are an important thing to me. It's hard because talking to your SIL will be confrontational. But like kids, if you two are a united front it'll go easier. And like kids, you have to follow through. Take it easy and give your wife some time, I know it's hard to deal with my family and my husband. I always feel like it's a tug of war in my brain.