Acceptance
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Originally Posted by oinobares 
I'm into my third bottle of wine. And my wife will know it.
edit: i want to call my sponsor but I am embarrased. I have failed.
edit: i want to call my sponsor but I am embarrased. I have failed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
You do not hate feeling good, you are not addicted to unhappiness.
You are addicted to alcohol & alcohol changes your brain chemistry. It makes you believe things that are not true.
You can quit. You can stop cycle of addiction.
You are still here, you are still fighting. Don't give up. Keep trying.
Get the booze out of your system & let your head clear up.
And make a plan. A definite decision about what you really want.
Continuing drinking is not going to help your situation right now in any way.
You are addicted to alcohol & alcohol changes your brain chemistry. It makes you believe things that are not true.
You can quit. You can stop cycle of addiction.
You are still here, you are still fighting. Don't give up. Keep trying.
Get the booze out of your system & let your head clear up.
And make a plan. A definite decision about what you really want.
Continuing drinking is not going to help your situation right now in any way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I just had to give up...Got on my knees..And said God....I can't do this anymore...Help me. And I have not had a drink since. I had to put a lot of effort into it...But I got the help I needed. I hope you find it somehow too....Because...If your wife was like mine...She'll get tired of it...So will everyone else. That's not a good place to be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by terrymeador
P.U.S.H. through Pray Until Something Happens... and it helped me to do last paragraph page 84
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Who among us likes losing friends?[/QUOTE]
I am your friend
I am your friend, the only true companion you have.
I am with you when you are lonely;
I am with you when you are sad.
I am with you when you feel withdrawn and when the world is cruel.
I hide the heckler's words and block the missiles thrown in ignorance and anger.
I shelter you from the storms and I shield you from your fears.
I am your friend. I walk with you daily and live in your thoughts.
I feed off your failures, I revel in your guilt.
I thrive on your shame and dance with your deceit.
I keep you in darkness and take pleasure in your pain.
I delight in your loneliness and wallow in your sins.
I laugh when you flounder and strike when you stumble.
I am your friend.
I relish in your anger and worship in your pride.
I feed off your compulsion and dwell in your isolation.
I am familiar with your weaknesses and abuse your denial.
I treasure your resentment and take comfort in your depression.
I am your friend
My name is "Your Disease."
I am your friend. I hold out my hand and bring you faith.
I award you serenity and self-esteem.
I bestow upon you peace and acceptance.
I wrap you in love and tender the shield of knowledge.
I volunteer humility and shower you with confidence.
I bequeath spiritual growth, emotional advancement and physical revival.
I am your friend; I will lead you out of the darkness into the light.
I will carry you when you are weak and escort you through honesty.
I will provide tools for the battles and binding for your wounds.
I am your friend. I will teach you abstinence and release you from burden.
I will initiate forgiveness and I will foster willingness.
I will nurture ambition and claim back your life.
I am your friend.
My name is "Recovery."
I am your friend
I am your friend, the only true companion you have.
I am with you when you are lonely;
I am with you when you are sad.
I am with you when you feel withdrawn and when the world is cruel.
I hide the heckler's words and block the missiles thrown in ignorance and anger.
I shelter you from the storms and I shield you from your fears.
I am your friend. I walk with you daily and live in your thoughts.
I feed off your failures, I revel in your guilt.
I thrive on your shame and dance with your deceit.
I keep you in darkness and take pleasure in your pain.
I delight in your loneliness and wallow in your sins.
I laugh when you flounder and strike when you stumble.
I am your friend.
I relish in your anger and worship in your pride.
I feed off your compulsion and dwell in your isolation.
I am familiar with your weaknesses and abuse your denial.
I treasure your resentment and take comfort in your depression.
I am your friend
My name is "Your Disease."
I am your friend. I hold out my hand and bring you faith.
I award you serenity and self-esteem.
I bestow upon you peace and acceptance.
I wrap you in love and tender the shield of knowledge.
I volunteer humility and shower you with confidence.
I bequeath spiritual growth, emotional advancement and physical revival.
I am your friend; I will lead you out of the darkness into the light.
I will carry you when you are weak and escort you through honesty.
I will provide tools for the battles and binding for your wounds.
I am your friend. I will teach you abstinence and release you from burden.
I will initiate forgiveness and I will foster willingness.
I will nurture ambition and claim back your life.
I am your friend.
My name is "Recovery."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by oinobares
Just called my quondam sponsor. Now I am feeling like a complete fool and idiot. He said, I can't see you until you put that bottle down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
How do I do this? Do I change my identity? I think I have to change my identity. The cultic aspects of AA bother, but as a social scientist I understand how that works. So I don't resent the mechanism. I just want to stop feeling alone. And this site has really helped with that. I can't thank you all enough.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by oinobares
How do I do this? Do I change my identity?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by Sapling
You don't have to change your identity...You have to stop drinking...Take a hard a look at what it's doing to you...And decide if you want it in your life anymore...It's as simple as that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by oinobares
Sapling you are a wise one. Let's go with this thought. I have had no low bottom yet. But my kids (8 and 6) know when I "pass out." My wife hid the bottles. So they all know i drink too much. My kids talk about how nasty "drunks" are. I am not nasty at all. They don't notice when I am not drinking, which offends me horribly. Are we only marked for our failures?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by Sapling
How bad do you want to keep that family?...What do they mean to you?...You're not getting better every day here.....You'll get worse...And you will lose them....Trust me on that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by oinobares
I know I m sorry I'll try
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
If you have to read this 20 times to understand this...Do it.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
pg 30 bb
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
pg 30 bb
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by oinobares
How do I do this? Do I change my identity? I think I have to change my identity. The cultic aspects of AA bother, but as a social scientist I understand how that works. So I don't resent the mechanism. I just want to stop feeling alone. And this site has really helped with that. I can't thank you all enough.
i have yet to see any cultic aspects of AA. you can take it or leave it. stay or go. get drunk or get sober. live or die. the way it works is being shown right here in this thread. would you ask one of your social scientist co workers how to stop drinking? and i doubt a group of ex drunks could help ya much with social scientist stuff.
WE share a common bond. it is alcoholism. WE come from many different walks of life, but where alcohol is concerned, WE are all quite similar. and WE solve our common problems and recover from alcoholism.
sobriety rocks!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I have had no low bottom yet.
But my kids (8 and 6) know when I "pass out." My wife hid the bottles. So they all know i drink too much. My kids talk about how nasty "drunks" are.
Gratitude—that's the cure for regret. And you can start feeling it the minute you decide to put that bottle down, oinobares.
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