With each relapse I feel more human.
 

With each relapse I feel more human.

What does that mean? I can feel it but explaining it seems harder to do.

So here goes….

I had a bad relapse… I say “bad” because… well… it was bad…

This last one made me feel changed in a very deep way.

I was able to see things in me I have learned here on SR. The same things I see in you folks. Despair…fear… shame… and eventually hope

I have by no means found a self empowering routine.

But I can say that I have come to accept the idea of alcoholism as a foundational block of who I am.

Again… what the hell does that mean?

If I accept the possibility that one of my cornerstones is addiction I can then use it to build something on…. Move forward… allow it to be a strong influence in my life without allowing it to destroy. Almost something I can rely on.

By knowing it I can defeat it.

Loss makes me think bigger. Things seem on a bigger scale… I lost houses… jobs… people… relationships.

Time to take my head out of the clouds… but while I am up here I am going to take in a few deep breaths of fresh air.

My best to everyone on SR today.

Ken