What I am honestly thinking...
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: vancouver,BC
Posts: 85
What I am honestly thinking...
I am actually so angry right now reading all the posts here on the Forum.I really don't want to be negative and such a downer here but what a
Fu#@**!G Bu#@**T Disease this is! The success rate is like 35% of recovery.
You NEVER get better and people that have been sober for days or years and years go back to drinking again (I know not all do).I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast.I know there is no way other than this other than let it take over and die but why is there no sure fire cure out there???
When I hear the saying "things happen for a reason",what reason is there to alcoholism and for all of us to learn this Lucky Lesson?
Sorry but this is what I am honestly thinking....
Fu#@**!G Bu#@**T Disease this is! The success rate is like 35% of recovery.
You NEVER get better and people that have been sober for days or years and years go back to drinking again (I know not all do).I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast.I know there is no way other than this other than let it take over and die but why is there no sure fire cure out there???
When I hear the saying "things happen for a reason",what reason is there to alcoholism and for all of us to learn this Lucky Lesson?
Sorry but this is what I am honestly thinking....
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
I hear you. It is hard for me lately to see others struggling lately when I feel strong, but I have been in the same way....all I can say it is day to day and we struggle together. Is it hard? Yes. Is the alternative worse? HELL YES! =)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 41
Well, one of the problems is that it's completely socially acceptable, used by most of the population regularly, and sold in stores and restaurants on every block. Makes it a little in your face and hard to avoid.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Cheeto, I know it is frustrating at times, the desire to be "normal" and not have to deal with the battle of addiction. One way I look at it, is I am now learning to have gratitude for my alcoholism, for what it has taught me. To live in a very thoughtful, grateful manner. To live without judgements. To really appreciate my journey. Gratitude in every moment. Were I not an alcoholic, I really doubt I would live as I do now. I also look at recovery as having been given a second chance to live a very good life. Many people with illnesses do not have that option.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Originally Posted by RoryGallagher 
Well, one of the problems is that it's completely socially acceptable, used by most of the population regularly, and sold in stores and restaurants on every block. Makes it a little in your face and hard to avoid.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
You NEVER get better and people that have been sober for days or years and years go back to drinking again (I know not all do
if i had that attitude, i wouldnt have recovered from the hopeless state of mind that made me drink.
I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast
you dont have to. i have ceased fighting everyone and everything, even alcohol, for sanity has returned. i am not fighting it. i havent sworn off.. the problem has been removed. i am not cocky or afraid and that is how i will react so long as i stay in fit spiritual condition.
i am not cured of alcoholism. i have a daily reprieve contingent ont he maintenence of my spiritual condition.
i am very glad to see you are angry at the disease and have admitted that it's a disease.
about them recovery rates. not alcohol related, but i was diagnosed stage 3c metastatic melanoma 13 months into recovery. pretty serious stuff and was told i'd be going through a LOT of treatment. i started surfin the web and saw some pretty grim statistics. 5-10% of people diagnesed stage 3c live 5 years!
talked to my oncologist about it. he didnt let me say too much about it and stopped me. he said,"you have a serious disease. those statistics are proven wrong all the time. you have a choice what side you want to be on and your attitude will be a big factor in how any treatment will work." that was in 2006.
even though there was no sign of melanoma on my recent PET scan, it's there. i will always have it. it never goes into remission and i will never be cured of it. i am powerless over if it comes back. even though i have alcoholism and there may not be any noticable signs of it, it is there. it is not active because i work to keep it that way.it can, however, come back. i have a choice over that. i am not powerless over whether or not i let that happen.
it has taken a lot of footwork, but sure enough, it DID get easier! i dont have a drinkin problem today, i have a thinkin problem
if i had that attitude, i wouldnt have recovered from the hopeless state of mind that made me drink.
I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast
you dont have to. i have ceased fighting everyone and everything, even alcohol, for sanity has returned. i am not fighting it. i havent sworn off.. the problem has been removed. i am not cocky or afraid and that is how i will react so long as i stay in fit spiritual condition.
i am not cured of alcoholism. i have a daily reprieve contingent ont he maintenence of my spiritual condition.
i am very glad to see you are angry at the disease and have admitted that it's a disease.
about them recovery rates. not alcohol related, but i was diagnosed stage 3c metastatic melanoma 13 months into recovery. pretty serious stuff and was told i'd be going through a LOT of treatment. i started surfin the web and saw some pretty grim statistics. 5-10% of people diagnesed stage 3c live 5 years!
talked to my oncologist about it. he didnt let me say too much about it and stopped me. he said,"you have a serious disease. those statistics are proven wrong all the time. you have a choice what side you want to be on and your attitude will be a big factor in how any treatment will work." that was in 2006.
even though there was no sign of melanoma on my recent PET scan, it's there. i will always have it. it never goes into remission and i will never be cured of it. i am powerless over if it comes back. even though i have alcoholism and there may not be any noticable signs of it, it is there. it is not active because i work to keep it that way.it can, however, come back. i have a choice over that. i am not powerless over whether or not i let that happen.
it has taken a lot of footwork, but sure enough, it DID get easier! i dont have a drinkin problem today, i have a thinkin problem
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Cheeto you sound frustrated, I even feel this way some times but then I get up and get my mind busy, so I don't stay in that place to long.... It can overcome you fast and hard... I think its good to let out your frustrations tho... Being sober takes alot of work. I'm finding out too (almost 5 months sober) but much better then the hangovers and all the bad feeling we go thru and it does get easier with time. Remember you are better for that day you don't drink, its a fight for a healthy life but a good rewarding fight
.....I totally appreciate your feelings, alcoholism sucks! Sorry no answer on the whys, I'm still trying to figure that one out too
....Hang in there Cheeto 
.....I totally appreciate your feelings, alcoholism sucks! Sorry no answer on the whys, I'm still trying to figure that one out too....Hang in there Cheeto Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Originally Posted by Uninvited
I agree with this. It takes going complete sober to realize just how much alcohol is infused in our society. It's everywhere.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by cheeto
The success rate is like 35% of recovery.
You NEVER get better and people that have been sober for days or years and years go back to drinking again (I know not all do).I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast.I know there is no way other than this other than let it take over and die but why is there no sure fire cure out there???
When I hear the saying "things happen for a reason",what reason is there to alcoholism and for all of us to learn this Lucky Lesson?
Sorry but this is what I am honestly thinking....
You NEVER get better and people that have been sober for days or years and years go back to drinking again (I know not all do).I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast.I know there is no way other than this other than let it take over and die but why is there no sure fire cure out there???
When I hear the saying "things happen for a reason",what reason is there to alcoholism and for all of us to learn this Lucky Lesson?
Sorry but this is what I am honestly thinking....
I am on hypertension blood-pressure medication and will be for the rest of my life.... I can pi$$ and moan about it or say "Thank God it's available or I'd be cooked". Same situation, different attitude.
Are you attending AA meetings regularly? I have to to remain eligible for my "daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition".
All the best.
Bob R quit date July 18, 1989
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I know what it's like to feel like Cheeto...I felt that way too - the mountain before me looked immense - it was scary.
But I committed myself to climbing it and I did each day...sometimes I made great ground, sometimes a little, sometimes I wobbled a bit...but I kept going...
the only statistic I care about is my own - 100% success since 2007...and I am undeniably 'better' in every way imaginable
Don't get discouraged - there's some amazing success stories here - take a read in our Stories of Recovery forum...
it takes some hard work, and patience, but it's by no means impossible - you can do this Cheeto
D
But I committed myself to climbing it and I did each day...sometimes I made great ground, sometimes a little, sometimes I wobbled a bit...but I kept going...
the only statistic I care about is my own - 100% success since 2007...and I am undeniably 'better' in every way imaginable
Don't get discouraged - there's some amazing success stories here - take a read in our Stories of Recovery forum...
it takes some hard work, and patience, but it's by no means impossible - you can do this Cheeto
D
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Cheeto I love posts like yours. The honesty in it is so refreshing. Not holding back. Reading it is like a breath of fresh air. Thanks.
First it’s sort of like a disease and sora not. If you are like me we only get the symptoms when we drink. Ahhhh but here is the problem. We want (in my case wanted) to drink… perhaps a little too much. We like(d) the effect of alcohol more than most people. They can leave their half-filled glass on the table when they leave. We look at this and say “what’s the matter with them”. We are different . They don’t miss alcohol if it’s necessary to go long periods without it. We feel (felt) like it was the loss of a friend.
Next, the success rate is much higher than 35% IMO. At least for those who REALLY want it. But then you gootta do some things you don’t really want to do and start livin a different sorta life. Don’t want to do that? Then perhaps you don’t really want “recovery”. Then you want easy street and your chances are far less than 35% if you ask me.
The next one I really like. With regard to our problem you state “You NEVER get better”. About this, you could not be farther from the truth. I think because you have a different conception of “better” than I do. I cannot blame you for not understanding mine. Quite apparently you have not had a period of long term sobriety lived on a satisfying spiritual basis. “Better” to you means able to drink and to use alcohol to “feel better” about "things". There is just no need for it now in my life.
As Dee so aptly put it today “I'm essentially who I've always been - but no longer who I was” ….and I would add, I’m better than who I was … and you can be too.
First it’s sort of like a disease and sora not. If you are like me we only get the symptoms when we drink. Ahhhh but here is the problem. We want (in my case wanted) to drink… perhaps a little too much. We like(d) the effect of alcohol more than most people. They can leave their half-filled glass on the table when they leave. We look at this and say “what’s the matter with them”. We are different . They don’t miss alcohol if it’s necessary to go long periods without it. We feel (felt) like it was the loss of a friend.
Next, the success rate is much higher than 35% IMO. At least for those who REALLY want it. But then you gootta do some things you don’t really want to do and start livin a different sorta life. Don’t want to do that? Then perhaps you don’t really want “recovery”. Then you want easy street and your chances are far less than 35% if you ask me.
The next one I really like. With regard to our problem you state “You NEVER get better”. About this, you could not be farther from the truth. I think because you have a different conception of “better” than I do. I cannot blame you for not understanding mine. Quite apparently you have not had a period of long term sobriety lived on a satisfying spiritual basis. “Better” to you means able to drink and to use alcohol to “feel better” about "things". There is just no need for it now in my life.
As Dee so aptly put it today “I'm essentially who I've always been - but no longer who I was” ….and I would add, I’m better than who I was … and you can be too.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
The success rate is like 35% of recovery.
I hate to have to struggle and fight all my life with this Beast.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I feel powerless when I see others struggle and see others relapse. I know I can't do it for them. And I know they feel powerless.
I do NOT feel powerless when I think of my OWN recovery. I feel POWERFUL. I am in charge. The ONLY one who can make me drink is me. The ONLY one who can make better choices than drinking, is ME.
I know people talk about letting go, and surrender. Great that that works for them. For me, feeling my OWN POWER has been what has allowed me to stop, and never relapse. I will NEVER hand over my life again to alcohol. And I know it. 100%. That doesn't mean it won't pop in my head. But I will never give what pops in my head my arms or my legs to use.
I do not believe the disease model for myself, although I understand why some people do. My Mother had a terminal disease. She did nothing to cause it. No cure. No amount of letting go or of taking control could have stopped her from dying. She was very brave, though very frightened. And she never expressed self pity. All her options for recovery were bad options. THAT to me is a disease.
How can I compare my drinking to that? When I DID cause it. There IS a simple cure. For a long time I was NOT brave. I DID feel full of self pity. There ARE good recovery options for me.
If only someone had been able to say to her: stop doing this one thing, and you will recover completely.... What she wouldn't have given to hear that!
So I feel lucky. Very lucky indeed. I can make a plan, and stick to it, and stop this one thing. Everyday.
I do NOT feel powerless when I think of my OWN recovery. I feel POWERFUL. I am in charge. The ONLY one who can make me drink is me. The ONLY one who can make better choices than drinking, is ME.
I know people talk about letting go, and surrender. Great that that works for them. For me, feeling my OWN POWER has been what has allowed me to stop, and never relapse. I will NEVER hand over my life again to alcohol. And I know it. 100%. That doesn't mean it won't pop in my head. But I will never give what pops in my head my arms or my legs to use.
I do not believe the disease model for myself, although I understand why some people do. My Mother had a terminal disease. She did nothing to cause it. No cure. No amount of letting go or of taking control could have stopped her from dying. She was very brave, though very frightened. And she never expressed self pity. All her options for recovery were bad options. THAT to me is a disease.
How can I compare my drinking to that? When I DID cause it. There IS a simple cure. For a long time I was NOT brave. I DID feel full of self pity. There ARE good recovery options for me.
If only someone had been able to say to her: stop doing this one thing, and you will recover completely.... What she wouldn't have given to hear that!
So I feel lucky. Very lucky indeed. I can make a plan, and stick to it, and stop this one thing. Everyday.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: LA, California
Posts: 372
It's very hard. Can't fact check you on that 35% but I'll take your word for it. Even so....wouldn't you rather be a part of that 35%? You can't save someone that doesn't wanna same themselves....but if you truly want to be sober, yea you can do it, and keep doing it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 79
All I can add - is this.
I've been "struggling" to stay sober for a year and a half, 2 years now.
The times that I "succeed" are incredible.
And I ask my friends who aren't in my condition these kind of questions.
Isn't this flower amazing? Doesn't this coffee taste incredible? This book I'm reading is REALLY MOVING me... and don't you LOVE Tenacious D?
Things like that - just small things - and the truth is - I was ALWAYS this way - and I always will be. It's just that if I drink I cant actually appreciate the world.
I might be being completely conceited for all of us addicts - but what I think is -
We GET IT - the whole world - and it's sometimes too much for us - so we "medicate"
My non-addictive friends - well they just don't see the world in the way that I do - and when I'm sober it is SO AMAZING - that's what I'm striving for - to stay sober so I can Keep everything - good and bad.
As far as worrying about a percentage of recovery...
There's no recovering from being alive.
It's a journey.
Embrace yours.
I try every day to embrace mine - no matter where I am.
I've been "struggling" to stay sober for a year and a half, 2 years now.
The times that I "succeed" are incredible.
And I ask my friends who aren't in my condition these kind of questions.
Isn't this flower amazing? Doesn't this coffee taste incredible? This book I'm reading is REALLY MOVING me... and don't you LOVE Tenacious D?
Things like that - just small things - and the truth is - I was ALWAYS this way - and I always will be. It's just that if I drink I cant actually appreciate the world.
I might be being completely conceited for all of us addicts - but what I think is -
We GET IT - the whole world - and it's sometimes too much for us - so we "medicate"
My non-addictive friends - well they just don't see the world in the way that I do - and when I'm sober it is SO AMAZING - that's what I'm striving for - to stay sober so I can Keep everything - good and bad.
As far as worrying about a percentage of recovery...
There's no recovering from being alive.
It's a journey.
Embrace yours.
I try every day to embrace mine - no matter where I am.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
your post struck me because I was so P***** off in the beginning and I read peoples posts and it made me angrier. HOW could they be so calm? How could they possibly be happy?
I was in mourning. I was losing my best friend alcohol. We had been together for three decades.
Anger Is part of the process and if I remember correctly I posted something about how angry I was.
I didn't think I'd make it a week but tomorrow is 5 months.
For me there came a point of surrender and I became willing to go to any lengths to be sober. I quit fighting anyone or anything.
One day at a time is not where I started, one heartbeat at a time is more like it.
I get up everyday and get to choose. I choose not to drink. Through realizing how powerless I was, I became powerful. I control my actions and my reactions where alcohol ran the whole show before.
Stick around and hang in there.
Remember, you are a gift
:ghug3
K
I was in mourning. I was losing my best friend alcohol. We had been together for three decades.
Anger Is part of the process and if I remember correctly I posted something about how angry I was.
I didn't think I'd make it a week but tomorrow is 5 months.
For me there came a point of surrender and I became willing to go to any lengths to be sober. I quit fighting anyone or anything.
One day at a time is not where I started, one heartbeat at a time is more like it.
I get up everyday and get to choose. I choose not to drink. Through realizing how powerless I was, I became powerful. I control my actions and my reactions where alcohol ran the whole show before.
Stick around and hang in there.
Remember, you are a gift
:ghug3
K
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: vancouver,BC
Posts: 85
Thank You everyone and I guess I am looking at the glass half full and yes,losing my best friend and hobby.I did read somewhere that alcohol was not someones hobby but they were alcohol's hobby,ha!
Yes the alternative is Worse and I do need more time under my belt for sure.
I know,every movie,commercial,magazine AD I see they are drinking and they make it so social & romanticize it so much.
Well I hope one day to learn the lesson why being an alcoholic was so good for me???
I really want to learn the difference too and look back on my dysfunctional life and be much happier in a clean & healthy state.
I want and need to get it and surrender but I don't know who to let go of this struggle to (not religious) as it is wearing me out and makes me angrier.I have to take my power back or work the steps I know.
Yes I know how most people can have a drink or two and leave it but I crave the high so one drink is never enough and there is my problem.
I have always been a person that appreciates the flora & fauna everywhere whether I was drinking or not but hope to appreciate it so much more without alcohol.
Yes alcohol has been running my show for soooo long for me that I would plan all my activities around it so now I feel like a fish out of water and need to learn to live without it.Like I have said to so many people that I wanted my life to be like a beer commercial cause they were having so much fun and I hate to MISS OUT ON FUN!!! So that will be another challenge to not be around where others are drinking which is most of my friends and family as none of them have a problem with alcohol.
Yes the alternative is Worse and I do need more time under my belt for sure.
I know,every movie,commercial,magazine AD I see they are drinking and they make it so social & romanticize it so much.
Well I hope one day to learn the lesson why being an alcoholic was so good for me???
I really want to learn the difference too and look back on my dysfunctional life and be much happier in a clean & healthy state.
I want and need to get it and surrender but I don't know who to let go of this struggle to (not religious) as it is wearing me out and makes me angrier.I have to take my power back or work the steps I know.
Yes I know how most people can have a drink or two and leave it but I crave the high so one drink is never enough and there is my problem.
I have always been a person that appreciates the flora & fauna everywhere whether I was drinking or not but hope to appreciate it so much more without alcohol.
Yes alcohol has been running my show for soooo long for me that I would plan all my activities around it so now I feel like a fish out of water and need to learn to live without it.Like I have said to so many people that I wanted my life to be like a beer commercial cause they were having so much fun and I hate to MISS OUT ON FUN!!! So that will be another challenge to not be around where others are drinking which is most of my friends and family as none of them have a problem with alcohol.
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Originally Posted by cheeto
...alcohol has been running my show for soooo long for me that I would plan all my activities around it so now I feel like a fish out of water and need to learn to live without it.
I was the same way, a daily drinker, working alcohol into every aspect of my life. I see now that was never really fun, but I had to justify it. Now I realize I've been liberated, freed from the bonds that alcohol threw around my life. There is nothing "fun" about being enslaved in an addiction.
Hope you come to discover this for yourself.
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