Jeni26

Day 2. I'm working my way through all those familiar feelings-self pity, self punishment, isolating myself, fear and self loathing.
I was unbelievably stupid. 7 weeks just chucked away.
I didn't drink yesterday and don't ever want to drink again. I feel a bit lost right now, how can I guarantee this will never happen again? I want to be sober more than anything.
I'm starting over truly humbled by just how powerful alcohol is. I will never underestimate it again.
You guys have been truly amazing, your love and support may well have saved my life this weekend. I'm not being over dramatic either. Alcohol will kill me if I let it. And I'm not going to. Made a gratitude list and know what I'm fighting for.
Thankyou all. I don't know how I'm going to do it, I just know I'm going to xx

stillsleeping

This is true and it frightens the life out of me. I know if I go back it's essentially suicide. It might take me a long, long time to die, but all of my life will be consumed by booze. Everything I've become in the last twelve weeks, the glimmer of potential I'm starting to see, will be gone. I will only be a boozer.

So although it might take a long time for my body to die, I'll be dead from the minute I pick up the bottle.

Yeah, we should be humbled by its power. And inspired to pick up a four-by-four and smack it right in its fat lying mouth.

Still xxx

Dee74

I don't think you lost any of the lessons learned or the things gained in 7 weeks tho Jeni - I reckon those things are even more precious now that you've been made to realise how quick and insidious a drink can be.

I think ultimately all this will make you stronger

D

Sapling

Just don't drink today Jeni...Work your program...Stay connected...Don't get too far ahead of yourself...Don't drink for today and do the next right thing! One day at a time.

hypochondriac

I second what Still said...

The thing is when I was drinking I wanted it to kill me. I was scared but I didn't want to live. Literally every day has been better sober. Yeah, there's been ups and downs but learning to live sober is truly exciting, and I actually want to live. I may still be a procrastinator but I have a genuine want to do stuff and to just exist

Concentrate on the positive as much as possible and keep going to AA, stay strong and know you can do this xxx

Jeni26

Thanks guys. I'm going to beat this. I'm not really starting from scratch, as Dee says, I'm stronger now than I was at the very beginning. I've learned so much from you all xxx