peggy125

I don't drink often. The last time I drank (before tonight) was the night before Mother's Day and I drank a bottle of wine. Before that I hadn't had a drink since Christmas. Tonight I drank a bottle of wine. My kids and husband are out of town and I worked all day, I thought I deserved it. There are multiple bottles of wine in the house and I just couldn't resist having one. It may be months before I drink again. It doesn't even bother me much that I drank tonight. Although, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I worry about the years after my kids are all grown up. I won't drink when I'm with them so I'm not worried about these years. I don't even think about drinking when I'm with them. When there's no one to take care of what am I going to do. I have always know that I was an alcoholic that has been able to have some control since i had kids. Before kids I was starting to drink alone and isolate. I don't even think my husband realized how much I was drinking. I wouldn't even know what to say if I went to AA because I drink so infrequently. I am stressed everyday with 3 kids and a full time job. But I guess it's what keeps me distracted from drinking. What will I do when all my little girls are grown up and gone?

DisplacedGRITS

Do you feel like when it comes to drinking you don't have an off switch or something that tells you "that's enough?"

DisplacedGRITS

All you need to attend AA is a sincere desire to quit drinking.

hypochondriac

I feel for you Peggy. It's admirable that you have managed to control your drinking around your kids but it is obviously still bothering you. (I don't have kids but I was quite good at controlling my drinking in certain situations too).

Why don't you read the big book online: Big Book On Line

Or look into AVRT or SMART. Just see it as preparation to sorting out your drinking. I think you can do online meetings too. At least you are thinking about this even though alcohol isn't causing problems right now, but it sounds like you could do with some help getting rid of the mental anguish, which really only comes with complete abstinence. Xxx

sugarbear1

Alcoholism has nothing to do with how much or how often one drinks. We don't need to be physically dependent on alcohol to be an alcoholic. I do know of women who became daily drinkers after the children left home, that does happen. Glad you are noticing what could happen in your future.

Go to AA and listen with an open mind. Read the book linked in a previous post. Listen to AA speakers on xa-speakers.org. There is a new solution.

Peace, love, and hugs,

Anna

And, remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease.

It will get worse, unless you stop drinking.

bloss

When my sons were young I drank like you describe...thought it was ok...knew down deep it wasn't...when my sons grew up, my drinking escalated. Other long standing issues became worse and I drank more alcohol, more frequently...I have been drinking on and off for years...with one constant, when I take the first drink, I know it will end badly...I am giving up, I can't drink deadly amounts of alcohol, infrequently..or frequently...no more debate...it has taken me way too many years and consequences to accept this...best wishes for your health and sobriety...
04/24/12

Threshold

Here is what struck me when I read your post, because of times that I felt and thought as you describe.

"Deserve" a drink.

I still have that thought occasionally pop into my mind (though my DOC is not alcohol), and then I ask myself part 2...is it a DRINK you really deserve? Is it the drink I want, or is it the feeling of relaxation? Often I realize that it's not the drug that I want as much as a sense of relief, sleep, relaxation, putting the busy day behind me.

My task in my life these days is to find healthy ways to achieve that relaxation.

On the other hand, sometimes it is just a drink/fix etc we want...sigh...and we have to remind ourselves that it's not worth the consequences and move on.

I also empathize with the wondering what happens when the kids are grown etc. I had a severe attack of empty nest syndrome, I felt it coming on and was planning ahead. Establishing other elements of life that we feel fulfilled by helps a great deal. It not only prevents us from going nutso when the kids are grown, but it also helps us maintain healthier relationships with our grown kids, because we aren't pushing ourselves into their lives out of a sense of "losing them", we are better able to maintain healthy strong relationships with them.

Taking preventative measures now...stopping drinking or other self destructive behavior, building a well rounded life with healthy relationships and fulfilling activities...will create a foundation that helps us get through the tough times that are inevitable in life.

A few thoughts on going to AA right now. I cannot know how much of an issue drinking is for you, nor do I know your personality type. It is possible for some who are not alcoholics, to go into an alcoholism group and think "well, I'm not as bad as them" and go out and get worse, thinking they don't really have a problem yet. Or some types, the competitive or insecure sort...hear the war stories at meetings and feel like they need to wrack up a few of their own so they feel like one of the gang. It's messed up thinking to be sure, but it IS real.

Because you mention your fears concerning what you might do once the kids are grown, I hear an echo of codependency in your tone. I wonder if a codependency group or therapy might be a good fit for you. I think we get the most out of groups we best identify with and that target our underlying issues.

AA may be the group for you, I cannot know, but don't hesitate to check out other groups that may help you address your situation.

EXM6

I use to drink like you... Could quit all the time, hardly drink... and would only do it when no one was around. I would grab one bottle of wine and be fine just drinking that.

In the past four months, I have received criminal charges, lost my job as a substance use counselor, and my license. Trust me, this wasn't something that ANYONE would have saw coming.

This isn't to say this WILL happen to you, but the point I'm trying to make is... I always knew I had a problem and could never fathom it would ever get this out of control, no one did. I have been trying to cut drinking completely out of my life for 15 years... Or at least that is the first time I thought about it.

When people say it's progressive -- they aren't kidding. Good luck!