zorah

i know that alcohol is a trap but right now abstaining feels like a much bigger one. the pressure is unbearable right now. there is no place to hide, even for a little while.

it's about 40 days now, and i feel like a ghost haunting my own life but not really IN IT--not even knowing HOW to be in it. i have had this feeling since a little kid but now it seems so much more intense...

that's all i want to say.... thanks for listening. i think i'll just go to bed early.


Zorah

sugarbear1

THAT is how I felt, too! It changes. It really does change!

Hugs,

EXM6

40 days is impressive... Good for you!

You came here, got out your words, and are going to bed early. It may not sound like much of an alternative to drinking but it's definitely a start. In terms of your life, think of how many days 40 really is... While it's something to be proud of for saying sober, it really means you have A LOT more time for this feeling to change. Chances are, in the end, you're going to feel a lot better in the long wrong not drinking than stewing in the repetitive cycle that is drinking.

Thanks for sharing

Zebra1275

Going to bed is one way to deal with what you're feeling. Other people might meditate or pray, exercise or listen to music. Really, there are thousands of behaviors you could engage in to take your mind off of what you're feeling.

Drinking alcohol is also a behavior that takes your mind off of what you are feeling. This is however the one behavior you should avoid. For a long time I drank alcohol to change the way I felt, ultimately it just made everything worse.

Dee74

When I got sober Zorah I became aware again of some of the reasons why I started drinking...I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, for example.

But I stuck with it because I knew drinking did not work...it solves nothing.

I worked on myself the best I could...I got professional help for the parts I needed help with, and it did get better

I tried to remember I'd drunk for 20 years - I had to expect it might be a little while before I felt 'normal' again...but it did happen...and I laid some old ghosts to rest in the process

Sapling

Are you in Vegas now zorah?

EternalQ

At 100+ days, I feel that way too Zorah, but not as intensely as I did in the beginning.

When it gets tough now I lower my expectations for myself that day. Even if I do not function very well that day, I do not ask much of myself, except that I still won't drink. I may not be feeling like I am moving forward, but, at least I will refuse to move backward. All growth as plateau points. If I refuse to go backward, then, eventually I will go forward is my thinking.

Congrats on your 40 days! That is an incredible accomplishment. Really. The beginning is so challenging!

Maintaining is a whole different animal from quitting I am discovering. But if we can quit, then our life has to make room for it and so does our self image. Stay strong!

instant

Try the daily practice of gratitude (see threads specially for this) for 30 days. It is a powerful drug

Sapling

I must be one of those other people...I did a lot of that early on...I still do. A lot more "Thank You's" than "Pleases" now though.

hypochondriac

In my second month I had a horrible foggy surreal feeling Zorah, I think it may have passed now though. I reckon it's going to take a while longer to learn to live sober but I'm sure it does get easier with time. And if you find that this feeling doesn't go away talk to your doctor about it. Whatever it is I'm sure it's not caused by abstinence, rather the x amount of time drinking before that, or something else completely x

zorah

Thank you all so much. If it weren't for this forum, I don't think I would stay sober, that's the God's honest truth. I'm in a recovery program but there are those times when I feel no hope and just want to give in. Invariably this happens at a bad time to call anyone and the 24-hour grocery store starts singing arias about the wonders of alcohol. That's when I can log on here. What a gift.

As some of you may know, I went to Vegas last week. I got support from my program, prayed my butt off, stayed with a non-drinking friend who watched over me, averted my eyes from the beautiful bottles on display, and kept myself incredibly busy. All in all, I did ok, saw Cirque at the Mirage, visited the white tigers, went on long walks etc. But of course the whole place oozes with booze, so maybe what I'm dealing with on top of the usual angst is fallout from all that hardcore abstention, all the emotional muscle I had to devote to staying out of trouble.

Thanks so much for your support, my lovelies. :-)

Zorah

Sapling

Dig deep and get some more of that hardcore abstention out...Glad you had fun in Vegas...I wasn't sure if it was last week or this week. Hang in there zorah...Just don't have the first one...That's the one that gets you drunk and miserable.

2granddaughters

zorah, I believe that this is part of why it is often recommended in AA to do 90 meetings in 90 days.
It can be a roller-coaster ride in the beginning.

All the best.

Bob R

endlesspatience

I think you've done really well to get to 40 days. Hang on in there. As a lot of other people have noted, after an initial period of abstinence which sometimes leads to relief, we tend to get more awareness about ourselves. That can bring up mixed feelings. Nothing to be surprised about there.

neferkamichael

You are FANTASTIC. 40 days of sobriety is something to be proud of. The more days of sobriety you have the easier it gets.

Threshold

Wow zorah, the way you describe how you feel is exactly how I felt for awhile! You put it into words perfectly.

It definitely gets better. However, even with some clean time there will be days and situations when it sorta floods back for a bit, then I remember I've weathered the storm, and have learned new skills in other areas, and use that confidence to move forwards.

I remind myself that life is an experience, and this sobriety thing is one more fascinating experience I am having, an adventure!

I liken it to being swimming and enjoying the experience then realizing I can't touch bottom. Panic! Now, I can stay in panic mode and most likely put myself into danger and crazy thinking, or I can remind myself that I am obviously a competant swimmer since I swam out that far and turn myself round and swim back with no problem...it's mindset and perspective as much as anything.

I'm glad you had fun in vegas, and grew some muscle as well!

jobei

I know this feeling... I also know that alcohol will make me feel ever more trapped. Going to bed is a great idea when you feel that way... I've done it many a night. Take care today!

artsoul

That's probably it, plus all the buildup to the vacation and the activity level....... I usually have an emotional dip after a big event or holiday, too. I bet it's probably even normal! I've let myself vegetate a lot more in sobriety - the trick sometimes is knowing when I need it and giving myself permission, but I'm making progress. I like what EternalQ said about lowering expectations for a day or two......

Remember it won't last - when we have a bad day, there's often a good one right around the corner.:ghug3