brianbeer

Tonight I went out with 2 friends (a couple) to a disco bar, they were both drinking I just had red bull, I came home early by myself, just felt paranoid with everything and everyone.

On my way home I started thinking about the root cause of my drinking, I never knew it before now but think i have come close to it.

Whats the next step??????

I also thought about ending it on my way home.

Why do I feel anxious around people at night when im out?

I think im a bit anxious too when im drinking cos I still cant hold a conversation with strangers.

Im just pissed off too with being single and i wud never ask a girl out (mostly because of fear of rejection) Funny thing is Iv been told im very good looking but still have no confidence!

How do I sort myself out?????

Help!

irishgirl05

brian- red bull makes me jittery so that may be contributing to your paranoia. you may want to consider another beverage. also, being in a bar, even though you didn't drink, was maybe a bit of a sensory overload? just a guess.

i am so sorry you are feeling down. i, too, get upset when i think about why i am single, and a lot of it has to do with mistakes i have made while drinking. but i also now that getting into a relationship right now is probably not a great idea. when you are sober and happy, the right person will come along. try to focus on you for now, so that you can be the best person you can for her when the time comes.

Sapling

That's great advice irishgirl05....I agree.

Dee74

I stayed out of bars for a long time after I quit Brian - I had no business being there with the problems I had drinking.

When I did return to them (I was a musician) I found them very sad empty lonely places - maybe you picked up on that too?

I just didn't belong there anymore - and I realised that was ok - I found other places to be and things to do.

I'm sure there are other and better ways and places to meet girls too.

I'm concerned about you tho - I'm not sure what you meant by thought about ending it?

If you're depressed please see a Dr a therapist or someone about it - & please read these links if you feel you might be in danger:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

brianbeer

Whats first edition?

miko67

Hey two of you are in Ireland!! I would love to come to the wedding lol. Brian in the same boat as you finding a girl and chatting to her is no problem on the booze, but I think its all dwn t confidence mate. Dnt take yourself too serously and just talk to girls you might be suprisef that they dnt bite and that rejection part is a man made fear. Change your thinking. She might actually like you!
Good luck friend!

Sapling

Big Book...The text of Alcoholics Anonymous. When you were talking about ending it...I assumed you meant your sobriety?

miko67

Hey two of you are in Ireland!! I would love to come to the wedding lol. Brian in the same boat as you finding a girl and chatting to her is no problem on the booze, but I think its all dwn t confidence mate. Dnt take yourself too serously and just talk to girls you might be suprisef that they dnt bite and that rejection part is a man made fear. Change your thinking. She might actually like you!
Good luck friend!

brianbeer

i think all the replys missed the point

whats the next step?

miko67

sorry didn't mean t post twice!

miko67

U dunno what your point is mate. U find it hard to talk to girls you have no confidence, I reply try challenging your fear! Take baby steps talk to a girl without trying to get deep with her n talk to loads of them n maybe one will like you.
Chin up mate

Dee74

Sorry if you felt I missed the point - I was worried about that sentence.

It takes time to relate to people sober - it's a skill like anything else - it needs to be learned and practiced.

I wouldn't frequent bars but it's up to you

D

Hevyn

Brian - I'm shy & self-conscious too. That's why for many years I thought alcohol was an answer for me. The trouble is, I never matured or grew the way I should have. Staying numb doesn't help us learn to deal with social situations - it just seems to at the time. Practicing being around people in a sober state is the only way to learn how to overcome shyness.

Coming here and talking about your feelings is a good start. You're among friends who truly care and understand what you're going through. We're glad to have you here Brian.

Sapling

For stopping drinking?...My first step was walking into an AA meeting and admitting I was an alcoholic....I haven't had a drink since.

brianbeer

Hey mike,u obviously have never met irish girls lol, I did mention girls in the message but obviously its my way of thinking thats the problem, even if a man comes up and starts talking about football or something im still stand off ish, im beginning to think lately that drinking isnt the problem, its whats being used as a solution.

How do I sort myself out, Im staying sober cold turkey, have talked to the doc about it, he more or less gave me a pep talk and that was that.

If you filled me with drink i wud still be the same, i do have my good moments but rarely

brianbeer

Ive been asked to be best man for a wedding and i dont want to do it! its my bros wedding, im even thinking of faking sick for it, couldnt handle a speech.

I was meant to be god father for my neice and i faked a sick for that cos cudnt bear the thought of being in the focus of attention.

I run my own business and have no problems talking to customers or anything but its my social life that i cant cope with

SomethingBetter

I thnk in time thngs get better, I am a lot like you with confidence and girls when younger etc... I am married but if I was single I'd be right where you are.

Each sober day brings clearer thoughts for me, I dont go to bars anymore, Im 43 and have no use for them sober, I hope you learn more about yourself sober.

sugarbear1

try listening to some speakers on xa-speakers.org

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

The next step....are you an alcoholic? Are you ready to stay stopped? Are you convinced that drinking will lead to futility and horrible consequences? Reaad the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it's online. Or research Rational Recovery. There is a program that will help you.

Coming here was an awesome idea! Glad you are here!

sugarbear1

Alcoholics Anonymous - Home

hypochondriac

For me the root cause of my drinking didn't help me any but staying off the booze has lifted my depression and given me many reasons to live. Now the fear and guilt has nearly (nearly) gone I feel much better. But I can't just leave it at that. I was shocked to discover that quitting alcohol didn't solve all of my problems but it did make alot of them lighter. I reckon AA will help me with some social anxiety...I felt like the people there were seasoned public speakers. Where better to practice than in a room full of people who get it! Also someone on here said that NLP was really fantastic for social anxiety so I might check that out too.

If I remember rightly you're quite newly sober Brian? If I was you I'd keep out of the bars for a bit. It will take a while to adapt to doing things sober, especially going to places where you'd normally be drinking. Go easy on yourself for a bit. There's no need to be a social animal straight away.

As regards the next step...anything as long as it's in the right direction. For me, I feel like I need to take baby steps...just doing at least one positive thing a day. Maybe talk to your doctor about depression, Go to AA/SMART, read recovery books, Look into NLP/CBT to help with anything... life in general, go for a nice walk in this lovely sunshine, basically anything but drinking

Sorry for the long ramble, I hope you are feeling better x