Rhi

Which area would I post on for support as the wife of an addict? I have been reading here and there and it is mostly addicts working through their issues. I am so angry right now, I have ZERO tolerance for being told to "love them through it" or "be patient" -- I've been there, done that, over and over -- and I want to know if there is ANYWHERE family members can go and be heard and supported, instead of being told constantly THEY have to be the supportive ones, THEY have to comfort, understand, and if they can't/won't just leave and start their entire devastated lives over! Is there anywhere I can hear someone say they freaking understand from my non-addict point of view?!

Nar-Anon was recommended but I found the only group near me to be horrible and more of the same, love 'em or leave 'em, be patient (pat pat pat on the hand). I feel like I'm going to just snap if I don't get some true support from somewhere...I don't feel I should be constantly judged, I'm not the jerk who blew an entire life's savings and lied to everyone who loved him for years and years! Is there ANYWHERE that lets family members can talk about what they are going through so people can hold their hands through it, not constantly question their motives for asking questions or wonder if they are being kind enough to the lying addict who destroyed their lives?

If you are an addict and want to attack me for not being sympathetic enough toward you, please don't respond. I just want to know where family members can go for help where recovering addicts aren't the ones giving the advice. I have one of those at home, thanks, and he's no help at all with how I feel about anything.

neferkamichael

I'm an addict. You need to do what you said in this thread. Love him or leave him. There's no need for you to suffer, he's the one with the problem.

suki44883

We have a friends and family forum. Here is a link to the F&F of Substance Abusers...

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here.

trishlynn07

Hello. I am new here also, and your post sums up exactly how I feel. I am his WIFE, not his sponsor. Not that he has one presently. I have decided to leave, after much diligent prayer. Of course, he will manipulate this into being my fault, some how. I am not sure I belive in "recovery" outside a genuine God miracle.

BlindedWitch

I see you are angry and you have every right to be at this point Rhi. Coming from my point of view which I doubt you will take, you have two options. Leave him in his misery or if you can grin and bare it and stick it out with him. If you do not love who he has become you should not tortchure yourself by staying with him. If you love him no matter what and tried to live with him and can't, then leave but if you love him with all your heart and be with him every step of the way, then be there for support. I myself am an Recovering Addict who is married to a recovering addict. I so get your point. I had to put my husband in a choke hold one night and was told this is normal, so I get your rage. Coming from my addict view, we need the love and support through this rough patch. Sometimes what is hard for us to face isn't nearly as rough on others. So if it is easy for you to make pies for example, it might be harder for your husband. Or he might be better at golfing than you. It's who we are. We each have our strengths and weaknesses and well we know his weakness or at least one of them. We don't ask to be coddled, we asked to be loved and understood. If you wish to not read this point of view, that's up to you.

This was just something to let you see into someone else's life who knows both sides of the struggle.

JustCallMeBeani

I have been having a lot of problems with my husband lately, particularly since he began drinking again last month. While his drinking not out of control, at this point, it is scary because of the changes I am seeing in him. We have had terrible arguments and both stated that we have been contimplating leaving the other person. My reasons are because I don't believe I can continue in this marriage while he is using. Additionally, he believes that he is no longer and addict and can drink, despite these changes in him. One of his many reasons are that I put a "strain on his relationships" with his friends and family. When he said this, amongst other things that I was doing wrong, I started to look at myself and felt guilty. I do complain to him about his mother. Not only does she play the role of the enabler but, she is also constantly in our personal business and he allows her to be. We live with his father and have had our fiar share of ups and downs with him, as we would living with any in-law. However, when I reflected on his friends I couldn't see what he meant. I always try to pursuade him to see them more. When I pointed this out to him, he stated "well, it's awkward with them when you are around." This is his classic manipulation. To try to make it out as though I am the problem, when really, he is the problem. Why didn't I see it before? Thank you for this post!