damnitall
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
damnitall
So this is a very forgiving community. It feels selfish to ask for support. And it sucks wild ass to be in this place again.
I need to venture on over to Jeni's thread, where everyone offered her multiple reasons not to leave.
I don't plan on leaving, but would benefit from hearing some words of support when you faulter.
I will get there people. I realize it isn't a marathon. And I have had a few respectable sprints. I just stumble when I clear the hurdle, only to fall flat on my face.
I need to venture on over to Jeni's thread, where everyone offered her multiple reasons not to leave.
I don't plan on leaving, but would benefit from hearing some words of support when you faulter.
I will get there people. I realize it isn't a marathon. And I have had a few respectable sprints. I just stumble when I clear the hurdle, only to fall flat on my face.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Change, you are not alone. Our instinct is to kick ourselves to the curb and tell ourselves that we don't deserve the support of people who care ... don't let that instinct drive you away. It isn't real. That's the alcohol talking. We are real people who have been where you are and understand. That's why you need to keep active here. There is no place on earth where you can go and be more understood than here in this forum. Don't give up on us ... we won't give up on you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Absolutely not giving up on you, Change. You're figuring this thing out and learning as you go along. I had to do that many times, but I got there. (This time of year puts us to the test, I think.)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
What is important is that you haven't lost sight of what needs to be done--your goals, your objective. As long as setbacks don't change your direction, that is what is important.
Hang in there~~~
Hang in there~~~
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 221
Figure out what you can do differently this time. That is what I'm doing. I think I would be pretty lost without the support I've gotten on this site. There is always something I need to hear on this place. I'm glad I was able to ask for help when I was really struggling recently, the responses I got in that thread really helped.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
Hey sweetie 
I'm with Dispatches - what can you do differently this time? Weasel posted a thread last week sayin he'd slipped up, and that he'd resolved to never make the same mistakes twice. So, like, he will mess up when something new left-fields him, but that he'd never let the same crisis bugger him up twice. I like that.
I exercise - it keeps me sober cos I can't to it drunk and it makes me feel like a superhero.
Mr Clean examines philosophy. INH plays games. LDT cooks and messes with peoples' heads Gerbosko celebrates the mountains. ReallyforReal runs. Tomdecel bikes. BillyPilgrim goes to the theatre and makes plans for the future.
Everyone that I know here that's making it has some focus that makes being sober better than being drunk, that gives them that extra bit, that safety net.
What do you love? What have you wanted that booze has stopped you from doing?
xxx
I'm with Dispatches - what can you do differently this time? Weasel posted a thread last week sayin he'd slipped up, and that he'd resolved to never make the same mistakes twice. So, like, he will mess up when something new left-fields him, but that he'd never let the same crisis bugger him up twice. I like that.
I exercise - it keeps me sober cos I can't to it drunk and it makes me feel like a superhero.
Mr Clean examines philosophy. INH plays games. LDT cooks and messes with peoples' heads
Gerbosko celebrates the mountains. ReallyforReal runs. Tomdecel bikes. BillyPilgrim goes to the theatre and makes plans for the future.Everyone that I know here that's making it has some focus that makes being sober better than being drunk, that gives them that extra bit, that safety net.
What do you love? What have you wanted that booze has stopped you from doing?
xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
I haven't lost sight of what is important.
I lost my twin brother this time last year. His passing was a shock to many. Not to me. He struggled with alcoholism his entire life, and the I best I could do when in shock was to ask that the death certificate be sent to me. After years of enabling, my family couldn't stomach that he died from what they spent time, money, and ostensible support trying to prevent.
Absolutely no excuse to numb feelings. And I am not using the tools I have. I have spent a lot of time making sure my kids are okay, and raising my personal bar at work so we can maintain our lifestyle here in DC. I make sure I get seven hours of sleep, and log on to SR to replenish my depleted spirit.
I am toast.
I need engage properly in grief counseling, and address the deepest loss I have ever felt, but struggle daily not to feel.
And I need you all not to give up on me. Please. As we all know, we seem to be our worse critics. That said, I embrace tough love. I won't be dissuaded from harsh words.
Thanks friends.
I lost my twin brother this time last year. His passing was a shock to many. Not to me. He struggled with alcoholism his entire life, and the I best I could do when in shock was to ask that the death certificate be sent to me. After years of enabling, my family couldn't stomach that he died from what they spent time, money, and ostensible support trying to prevent.
Absolutely no excuse to numb feelings. And I am not using the tools I have. I have spent a lot of time making sure my kids are okay, and raising my personal bar at work so we can maintain our lifestyle here in DC. I make sure I get seven hours of sleep, and log on to SR to replenish my depleted spirit.
I am toast.
I need engage properly in grief counseling, and address the deepest loss I have ever felt, but struggle daily not to feel.
And I need you all not to give up on me. Please. As we all know, we seem to be our worse critics. That said, I embrace tough love. I won't be dissuaded from harsh words.
Thanks friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
Originally Posted by Change4good 
And I need you all not to give up on me. Please. As we all know, we seem to be our worse critics. That said, I embrace tough love. I won't be dissuaded from harsh words.
Thanks friends.
Thanks friends.
Change, darlin, why the hell would we give up on you? This is home to a lot of us exactly because this is somewhere people understand.
I'm glad you're going to engage in proper therapy, cos that isn't the kind of thing we can do, but we're here for the rest of it. Every day. :ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother.
And, you're probably right, that it's time to deal with some of the emotions that you have been feeling since he died.
We, of course, will never give up on you.
And, you're probably right, that it's time to deal with some of the emotions that you have been feeling since he died.
We, of course, will never give up on you.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
I'm glad you're here. As long as you're here, you're still fighting and you have my support and the support of the community. As long as you are fighting, you have not lost and you have not failed. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Alcohol is only part of the problem and it seems that you are finding that there are other issues that need to be addressed that you couldn't see when you were so far lost in the drink. I hope you get the help you need and stick around here. We're all better for your contributions to the forum.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Change,
I am here with you. You will never lose my support. Stay here and try to make strides forward. Listen to what works for others and copy what you believe can make a difference for you.
I am so sorry for the loss of your twin. That must have been a horrible experience.
I have read some of the posts in the past and if I would have gotten "tough love" at my lowest point I certainly would not be able to say I am over 2 weeks sober. I would probably not be able to say anything. Thank goodness everyone reached out with heart felt support and love for someone they did not even know.
For me the difference came when I really decided I will never drink again, And that I will not change my mind. Also like StillSleeping wrote, I am keeping myself VERY occupied. I picked up extra hours at work. I log onto SR, I walk my dog, I am going fishing and kayaking. All things I would not do drunk. Little by little my attitude and my life are getting better. Do I feel "cured"? Certainly not. But I feel better than I did.
I wish you strength for your journey.
I am here with you. You will never lose my support. Stay here and try to make strides forward. Listen to what works for others and copy what you believe can make a difference for you.
I am so sorry for the loss of your twin. That must have been a horrible experience.
I have read some of the posts in the past and if I would have gotten "tough love" at my lowest point I certainly would not be able to say I am over 2 weeks sober. I would probably not be able to say anything. Thank goodness everyone reached out with heart felt support and love for someone they did not even know.
For me the difference came when I really decided I will never drink again, And that I will not change my mind. Also like StillSleeping wrote, I am keeping myself VERY occupied. I picked up extra hours at work. I log onto SR, I walk my dog, I am going fishing and kayaking. All things I would not do drunk. Little by little my attitude and my life are getting better. Do I feel "cured"? Certainly not. But I feel better than I did.
I wish you strength for your journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
Change,
you are right, this is a very forgiving community, I've been on a few forums and none of them are so chummy and loving as here. We're like your other family, all feeling your happiness and pain, all connected somehow, kind of like on the movie Avatar, we're all in this together.
By faultering, you just went back to school so to speak, you've learned, you remember it (tough as my love gets), It's good that you talk about your brother, that's progress in that you trust us with knowing that, and reaching out to us for support. You must miss your brother terribly, I'm sure i would, more so than anyone else, so i think you are right about seeking counseling for that, maybe if just a little. We would never give up on you, and always like hearing from you, by the way, your post probably helped lots of people that are looking for help in their lives too.
you are right, this is a very forgiving community, I've been on a few forums and none of them are so chummy and loving as here. We're like your other family, all feeling your happiness and pain, all connected somehow, kind of like on the movie Avatar, we're all in this together.
By faultering, you just went back to school so to speak, you've learned, you remember it (tough as my love gets), It's good that you talk about your brother, that's progress in that you trust us with knowing that, and reaching out to us for support. You must miss your brother terribly, I'm sure i would, more so than anyone else, so i think you are right about seeking counseling for that, maybe if just a little. We would never give up on you, and always like hearing from you, by the way, your post probably helped lots of people that are looking for help in their lives too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm sorry for your loss C4G - I think some grief counselling could help too.
Like I said the other day SR is for those struggling - I struggled for 15 years, so I get it.
You don't need a lecture or a thrashing - but you do need to act.
You need to make different choices. You need to get to a place where drinking is no longer a viable option.
How you get to that place is up to you - more support, a different approach, a new willingness to try things that have been off the table so far:? I dunno.
But I know you'll find support here, so stick around
D
Like I said the other day SR is for those struggling - I struggled for 15 years, so I get it.
You don't need a lecture or a thrashing - but you do need to act.
You need to make different choices. You need to get to a place where drinking is no longer a viable option.
How you get to that place is up to you - more support, a different approach, a new willingness to try things that have been off the table so far:? I dunno.
But I know you'll find support here, so stick around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm sorry for your loss C4G - I think some grief counselling could help too.
Like I said the other day SR is for those struggling - I struggled for 15 years, so I get it.
You don't need a lecture or a thrashing - but you do need to act.
You need to make different choices. You need to get to a place where drinking is no longer a viable option.
How you get to that place is up to you - more support, a different approach, a new willingness to try things that have been off the table so far:? I dunno.
But I know you'll find support here, so stick around
D
Like I said the other day SR is for those struggling - I struggled for 15 years, so I get it.
You don't need a lecture or a thrashing - but you do need to act.
You need to make different choices. You need to get to a place where drinking is no longer a viable option.
How you get to that place is up to you - more support, a different approach, a new willingness to try things that have been off the table so far:? I dunno.
But I know you'll find support here, so stick around
D
I kid. I will be okay. Drinking loads of water to counter balance the three beers I drank.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi Change,
I am not going to write a big "spiel" now.
I just want to say, "Give yourself a break, for the love of all that is good!!!!"
You have lost probably the most important person in your life.
I have a nephew and niece who are seven year old twins.
It breaks my heart that you lost your brother.
I will say though, that the alcohol is definitely not helping the grieving that you have to do. I am trying to say, that it will be there. You either grieve now, or later.
I also think you need to try and make your life "easier".
Slow down and take it easier on yourself.
Grief and quitting alcohol separately would be physically and emotionally exhausting. Doing both requires that you really give yourself a chance.
If you had to go through a physical ailment, you would be forced to slow down, why do we expect to do this while going full-throttle with life?
I tried, and burnt-out, twice.
I am now working less and giving less of me. It is hard.
Big hugs to you, and go easy on yourself.
I am at 19 months and honest to God, am dealing with so much! But each difficult period that passes and I resist that drinking voice, I feel better and I truly know, that it is getting better.
:ghug3
I am not going to write a big "spiel" now.
I just want to say, "Give yourself a break, for the love of all that is good!!!!"
You have lost probably the most important person in your life.
I have a nephew and niece who are seven year old twins.
It breaks my heart that you lost your brother.
I will say though, that the alcohol is definitely not helping the grieving that you have to do. I am trying to say, that it will be there. You either grieve now, or later.
I also think you need to try and make your life "easier".
Slow down and take it easier on yourself.
Grief and quitting alcohol separately would be physically and emotionally exhausting. Doing both requires that you really give yourself a chance.
If you had to go through a physical ailment, you would be forced to slow down, why do we expect to do this while going full-throttle with life?
I tried, and burnt-out, twice.
I am now working less and giving less of me. It is hard.
Big hugs to you, and go easy on yourself.
I am at 19 months and honest to God, am dealing with so much! But each difficult period that passes and I resist that drinking voice, I feel better and I truly know, that it is getting better.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Change4good,
it is still a mystery to me how I got to be one year sober and going strong. Prior to that I tried to moderate my drinking for years, it took me a long time to get to the point that I admitted I was powerless over alcohol.
A bit of quality me time could be in order to deal with the sad loss of your brother. Don't ever give up or feel you need to leave this forum.
Love
CaiHong
it is still a mystery to me how I got to be one year sober and going strong. Prior to that I tried to moderate my drinking for years, it took me a long time to get to the point that I admitted I was powerless over alcohol.
A bit of quality me time could be in order to deal with the sad loss of your brother. Don't ever give up or feel you need to leave this forum.
Love
CaiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by Dee74
It's no easier down here in the Pacific I'm afraid C4G - wherever you go, it's an inside job
D
D
Thanks everyone, who offered kind words. I showered, ate a good meal, and have hopefully halted a downward spiral. Heart is heavy, but sleep and resolve for another day will do be good.
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