Flying4Life

Today, my lovely, fun, free spirited friend is coming to stay with me... she's also a very heavy drinker who carries a giant bottle of JD with her whenever she goes out.

I met her at the beginning of the school year and she has never stayed with me so I guess that I don't really know her that well but I would like to be better friends because I feel a sort of connection with her.
I really like her but I am scared that maybe what I really like about her is the being with her easily becomes an excuse to get drunk...

I want to be sober for the next 24hrs and I am clinging to the belief that my HP wants for me to have lots of fun and enjoy my life as much as possible while clean and sober.

I really hope I have the strength to do this, to love myself, my friend, and my life without any mood altering chemicals running thru my veins.

Just needed to share. Thank you.

2granddaughters

Don't put yourself in harms way and be sure you have a Plan B back-up if things go south.
Do you have a sponsor? What did she say about this situation you are putting yourself in?

All the best.

Bob R (near Windsor)

EXM6

I had one of those, unfortunately over the years she became my drinking buddy. She is the only friend I still have left who drinks, and drinks hard. I only call her to drink and vice versa. Now that I know her and I have spent so much time drinking with her... She's not as fun and free spirited as I thought her to be. We've spent many a nights, downtown, making complete asses of ourselves-- not judging eachother because we both "get it."

This isn't to say your relationship with this friend will end up the same way-- but I do worry. Becareful. After ten years of knowing this friend, I get that she is the LAST person I should ever call. I'M the last person SHE should ever call. If she starts asking you to have a drink, you decline, and she persists... I would say, stay strong through that meeting but think twice before inviting her to stay over again. If she doesn't ask but you spend a lot of time thinking about pouring a drink for yourself from her bottle... Again, stay strong, and think twice before inviting her to stay over again.

Good luck

Sapling

I have to ask you...Besides carrying a giant bottle of Jack around with her and being a heavy drinker...What's the connection?....I don't know...Day six was my first day out of detox...Running into this person would be like getting hit by a train.

tomsteve

if you truly want to stay sober for the next 24 hours and are willing to do whatever ya gotta do to do that, i suggest ya ask the lord to lead ya from temptation and not walk into it.

Flying4Life

Thank you for your responses!
I don't have a sponsor in AA right now... maybe I should think about getting one.
I do have an Al-anon sponsor but I don't feel comfortable discussing my drinking or drugging issues with her yet.

I am not really sure what the connection is... she reminds me of a friend I used to have when I was using, this friend got deeper into the lifestyle and I got out of it.
I guess that's not really very healthy either, also with my newer friend, I was able to tell her a bunch of things about myself that I normally don't feel comfortable sharing (mostly things I put in my intro post), although to be honest I was drinking at the time.

I have drank plenty of times with other friends and not been able to open up to them much at all, but maybe all it this connection I feel is seeing another girl on the same path of self-destruction that I was once on myself.

It isn't easy to think about it like this. I am hoping this is a worst case scenario, but I am going to pay lots of attention to how I feel around her and if it is mostly urges to drink or use I think that this isn't a friendship that I want to pursue. I will just have to see how it goes and maybe keep the serenity prayer in my head if it gets tough.

Deserto

Since it sounds like your friend is already on her way... any chance you can be ready with an alternate plan for the evening that doesn't involve her bringing that bottle of Jack? Maybe a movie, dinner out, etc? This could be a great opportunity to find out if there really is a connection besides the drinking and partying. Don't just go along for the ride... you can drive the (metaphorical) car during her visit.

crewisms

I may have missed this in an earlier post, but does your friend know that you quit drinking? I did something very similar a couple years ago when I was four months into sobriety. I went to a friend's house to have dinner fully understanding that we never spent a moment together without also pounding down a couple bottles of beautiful red wine. So I went, I drank, and a year-and-a-half later I'm just now back on day two of sobriety.

The days leading up to that night I was prepping myself for this Olympic event of staying sober through an entire evening with a former drinking partner, but this little voice inside kept telling me I was going to have drink no matter how hard I worked and a small part of me agreed. Sure enough I asked for a sip of wine. Though she knew I had quit and even asked whether I was sure I wanted a sip, I said YES. Two bottles later and I was drunk for the next 1 1/2 years.

In my case, looking back, I knew in my heart that there was a very small, but powerful part of me that wanted to have a drink that night. I could have avoided putting myself in harm's way that night, but I didn't. Rats!

Sapling

That's all it takes...Amazing.

Deserto

Great story, Crewisms, and true for many people.

I think in early days it's tempting to say "well I don't want to give up this or that" and then put yourself in a tough situation. But in early days a lot of us don't fully recognize how insidious the AV can be. Your story is a good reminder of why we sometimes have to just stay away from things we want to do. Not permanently, necessarily, but at least until we become more adept at recognizing when we're being seduced by our reptilian little brains.

Dee74

A few days after I quit I went around to my drinking buddys place - I remember posting here it was important for me to road test my sobriety

I made it out sober but it was a dreadful fraught tense and awkward day.

I never did it again - there's plenty of time for us to live our lives sober and put ourselves in any situation we like - once we get the basics of living sober down.

If your friends already on her way I know you can make it out sober like I did - but set it out straight and clear up front...to both her and you - you're not drinking anymore.

D

Flying4Life

Well, she never showed up... Maybe that is my HP looking out for me.
I feel a bit lonely and disappointed but... I also feel safe.

It has occurred to me that maybe the connection I feel with her is because she is a bit like my mom used to be, really friendly and outgoing and almost guaranteed to put getting drunk before anything else...

I guess I don't really know her that well to know for sure, but usually when I just feel connected instantly it has something to do with my family of origin issues. I know all the dance steps by heart to the dysfunctional dance I lived growing up, so when I see it in someone else I can step right in again and feel like I fit right in.

I miss my mom, I wish I had who she could have been in my life today. Maybe I was looking for that in this friend who seems a bit similar.

It sounds strange, but I am in a pretty fragile place right now and I can't think of another reason why I would put myself in such a precarious and tempting situation so soon after making the decision to live sober.

Thank you for reading and sharing with me. Today has been hard.

Dee74

I'm really glad she never showed up.

Stay with it - the more I stayed sober the more my head cleared, the better vibes I put out, and the more the 'right' people started showing up in my life

D

Sapling

It might be Flying4Life...Maybe that just wasn't meant to be. Hang in there...You're doing great...And look at all the friends you have here.