How many times is it going to take!
 

So tonight i had it all planned out. I was going to drop kids off, go to a meeting to meet with my sponsor then head over to a get together with out alchohol. Did not work out that way! I did drop off kids, but went to the meeting but it was cancelled. Ironically this meeting is next door to a store that sells beer. I was tempted but did not give in. I left came home and ran into a bunch of neighbors who were out side drinking. They offered a beer and I took it! I am so mad at myself right now. I have a get together i have to go to. I am ashamed to go cause they have been supportive and I screwed up big time. I dont know what the hell happened. I am totally bummed and so ashamed. I am going to the gettogether so i dont end up at the bar but i dont know how i will face some of my friends. Not sure if i should tell them or keep my mouth shut and move on.

Hi Sark

For many of us it takes as long as it takes I think.

I knew it was the *first* drink that ruined me - I knew that for years - but I still kept taking it....

Eventually I realised if I wanted my life to change, I had to start making different choices - sometimes those choices are rough, difficult, dang uncomfortable & sometimes even a little unfair - but change starts with me, y'know? - noone else can do that work for me.

I hope you'll start making different choices soon too :)

D

Whatever it takes, it's well worth it. :) I know you're really disappointed. But you know what's cool? How you immediately regretted the beer. You're not romanticizing it, or minimizing it, either. Sounds like the perfect drink to make your last one ever. You can make something great out of this yet...

Go easy on yourself Sark. I have had relapses in my short career as a non-drinker and member of this community. All I can say is pick yourself up, and try again. There is no shame in that. The only problem I see going forward is if you don't commit again. If it was easy, this beautiful place wouldn't exist. :-)

I would kindly suggest not to worry what others think right now. Your sobriety isn't about them, it is about you. Worry what YOU think about you. And if you re-committ, make a plan and stick to it, I imagine you will think pretty highly of yourself. :-)

So keep on keepin on. Today is a new day. And if you ended up at the bar, make it your last trip. You can do this. We are here to help.

Blessings.

Thank you all for the replies. Like i said already my nightbwent to hell but i will try again tommorrow. I know i should not worry what others think i just feel so bad and guilty cause they have been trying to help. This is the very reason i dont like help because if i screw up i feel worse than i already do. At the same time though i know i cant do this alone. I am going to feel really crappy tommorrow but plan to surround myself with people..

Call the sponsor.....

Start again.

Hugs,

As said it takes as many times as it takes. :)

Brush yourself off, you only can beat yourself up for a couple hours thats it. :) Get to a meeting and call your sponsor next time before you put the drink to your lips not after.

"When the student is ready the teacher will appear."

Hey Sark, Don't be too hard on yourself! Learn from this and practice reaching out, the phone only weighs 50 pounds if it is never used. People from the meetings are here to help not judge, they love to help it gives them a purpose as well.

Think about something positive at least you didn't need a year or two before asking for help, or you didn't have to lose your family; life is nothing but learning lessons or should I say experiences. When you have some times under your belt you will recognize someone else who might beat themselves up too much and then you will want to help see the change.

God bless you on your journey, keep coming back, and stay close to meetings and the fellowship, it really works!

That's all you can do....Study the book...Understand the book...Have someone guide you through what it says to do in the book. It's as simple as that...It will change your life. I just got back from a great meeting...The topic was...Relapse. I heard just what I needed to hear. Good luck to you sark...You can do this.

Thanks again to all for the encouragment. I really feel like crap today. Now i will have to face some of my sober friends today. Its gonna suck. I feel like such an idiot. Will go to a meeting and start over again...I cant wait till the day i say i have 1 month or 1 year.

You'll get there...Don't worry about facing your friends...You won't be the first one to go through this...They understand...We're alkies sark...Drinking is what we do. You learn from it and move forward...The good news is you didn't go out for six months or a year to figure out it doesn't work for you...Some people never make it back.