Programmer27

So I'm approaching six months sober and things are going pretty well. My girlfriend is about to go out of town next weekend and she doesn't trust me to stay alone. (rightfully so I guess)

I feel like a jerk, but it still makes me mad, even though I know she has reason to be concerned. I just wonder if she will ever be able to trust me again.

She practically demanded that I ask a friend from college to come down and stay with me all weekend so that I'm not alone and absolutely cannot drink. (he's a good friend, knows I quit, and encourages me to stay sober).

I don't know how to feel about all of this, I don't feel like I have any right to get angry, but then again, I don't want to have a baby sitter for the rest of my life when she goes somewhere. I'm tempted to just roll with the punches, hang out with my buddy, stay sober, and keep my mouth shut. Afterall... 6 months sober isn't all that long when you were a drunk for 4 years.

miko67

yeah man ad keep the mouth shut and enjoy havin your buddy with you. Especially if your buds wantin you to stay sober. Sounds like its going good for you mate!!

miko67

yeah n well done on the six months. That's excellent.

Sapling

Why not...Trust is something you have to earn....It will make her happy...Give you some company and keep you sober...What have you got to lose. Do you work any recovery program? What do you do to stay sober?

EXM6

Sounds like she cares a ton, you're lucky. I'm sure with time, she'll come around.

Congrats on the six months! Hope you have a great weekend with your friend.

Saliena

Programmer I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am almost 6 months sober (on the 2nd)... and I had 4 years of hard drinking with my husband and that was after many attempt to stop drinking. So it is nice to know someone out there is in almost the exact same situation!!!

So for the first three months my husband was all supportive and proud of me... but now that we have added another 3 months on top of that all of a sudden he is freaking out on the way I walk out of a build... he wants to know if I am swaying.... or if I don't answer the phone when he calls 4 times in a row ... he will have a panic attack that I am at home drinking (I work from home)... when in truth I have just been on a conf call for the last 4 hours.

What I have learnt is this... while I have a program of recovery... my husband also is on his on path of recovery. I want to get mad at him because of his panic attacks. Doesn't he know how well I am doing?!?! I am AWESOME... (not really)... why doesn't he trust me? But, in truth I have build up a patten he has not been able to trust... and it is going to take some time and work to make it happen. To build up that trust again. For him to know that no matter what... rather he is with me or not, if I don't have a job, it I do, it it is raining, if it is snow, it it is sunshining not matter what I am not going to drink... Give it some time... take it easy... she has her own process just as you do.

Programmer27

That's funny. My girlfriend does the same thing with the phone. If I don't answer immediately she freaks out.

sugarbear1

Congrats on 6 months! At one year, I feel like it's just a drop in a bucket. Love your GF and concede to her wishes.

Try going to the Family and Friends Forum and read what their perspective is! We do a lot of damage and don't even recognize it.

Enjoy the weekend!

DisplacedGRITS

She can't be your keeper forever. Has she considered going to a couple of Al-anon meetings? My husband had to finally realize that if i was going to drink there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. I had to want sobriety for myself. He helps me when i ask for it and supports me but in no way is he my babysitter. She needs to let you go. You're being sober for you, not for her. Her benifiting from your sobrity is just a side effect.

ODAT63

It so nice to see that at least some people do recognized the damage done...thank you..it means a lot.

Back to the tread, maybe you want to suggest al-anon to your gf. My now AXH, did that even though we end up divorcing I am very grateful I am an al-anon, I too have addictive behaviours.
Good luck to you and have a safe and sober weekend.

DayTrader

I'd probably roll with it this time....but I'd be keeping my eye on the "situation." Ppl who love drunks like us tend to have the same type of addiction we do - only it's to us, not to alcohol.

gordano

I agree that trust needs to be earned. If you want her to trust you again, I would listen to what she has to say and do your best to make her feel comfortable.

I've only been sober 5 weeks, but last night my wife was giving me a DUI check (analyzing eyes, coordination, and breath) because she felt I was acting strange. It was annoying to say the least, but I let her play police officer in order to feel convinced that I had not drank. Sure I felt like a teenager again, but my actions are what caused this in the first place, and its going to take a while before I gain her trust and confidence back - probably years.