Doin this again.....
 

Hi after about 3 weeks drinking most evenings (a lot) I'm back on the band wagon. Ho hum.....I was doing so well after 8 sober weeks. It's weird how good u start to feel and then think your normal again and can handle it! It only took about a week of drinking moderately to be back to my usual 6 pack and a bottle of wine (give or take) most arvo/evenings (cringe).

I had 10 days on holiday visiting family and friends interstate and used this as an excuse to continue drinking. It started slowly but towards the end I was drinking from midday. I barely enjoyed it after a few days but kept searching for that 'buzz' that I long for but never seem to get anymore. I had 3 days sober and irritable as hell when I got home then picked up again as the cravings were too hard to fight.

The next week I drank each other day and with every drink became more anxious and every morning more depressed. This is completely new to me as I've never had either before. I completely freaked as I felt my alcoholism has progressed to a new level!

It's been 10 days sober now (Mothers Day in Oz was Day 1), super hard for a week but now I feel great! I'm 4 days into another holiday visiting different family interstate and havent touched a drop. We have drinking friends coming over tonight and the old thoughts of 'you'll be right to have a couple' are coming back to me! GO AWAY drinking thoughts! Writing here is helping me remember the horrible anxiety I felt after the first drink just 2 weeks ago, funny how instead of just stopping I kept drinking trying to make it go away. It just got worse and there was nothing enjoyable about it! Alcohol does not work for me anymore.....period!!!

Why is it so hard for me to remember that? I must be super strong tonight. I want mothers day to be my sobriety date, for my late mum, and for me being the best mum to the most precious thing on this planet, my daughter.

I read an awesome quote today. Do u want to be a prisoner of your past or a pioneer of your future? It's INSANE for me to think I could enjoy a drink tonight.

Anyway thanx for letting me get that off my chest. Luv SR!

:c031:

welcome back DT :)

D

Welcome back dointhis. I'm proud of you for coming back . You can do this, one day at a time or one breath if needed. I got a little girl chirping in my ear right now who just got back from vacation:c031:
Remember, you are a gift

I'm glad you're back....But I have to ask you....All I see in your post is what alcohol is doing to you....What are you doing...About alcohol? Are you working any kind of recovery program?...Something to give you the tools you need to make it stick? I know that feeling of not being able to find that buzz anymore and getting more depressed and anxious with every drink....That's not a good place to be...I had to do something to get out of that....I'd recommend you find something too.

I hear ya Sapling. I've been to AA, I even liked AA but working part time and life with an active 2 yr old is hectic and heading out at 8 every evening is the last thing I want to do! I know I have to now tho. I guess I wanted to be able to just do it myself. Wanted to see if 2 months sober would fix me and give me more control over my drinking. Dumb alcy thinking huh.

It's past 10pm here now, everyone is gone and I didn't drink. Totally enjoyed the evening and only missed booze for the first half hour. Home tomorrow and that's the end of holidays till next year. Head down, bum up now! Time to get serious and really accept I can't drink EVER! And I'll get my bum to AA often!

Cheers (can I still say cheers) :)

Cheers!

my HG and many other meetings around here dont mind iffen people bring their youngens. it is our responsibility. i hope you can find meetings like that and am sure you can.

Welcome back to the cool class in school. :)