desertsong

I've had my wrists slapped a couple of times now for replying to certain posts with what I thought were honest responses that were only given with the sincere desire to help the original poster.

I am sorry for hurting anyone's feelings (entirely unintentionally) or violating any SR rules.

However, I am nearly 90 days away from continuous sobriety for the first time in MANY years and if there is anything I've learned through my journey, it's that lying to people/soft-coating reality is detrimental to their recovery.

I am here to help others in their journey. I can only hope and pray that my experiences are of some encouragement to them, and I will not EVER bash someone or intentionally hurt them if they are struggling or if they are not "with" me as far as what I'm learning or where I'm journeying.

That said ... I also will not sugarcoat the truth. Sometimes, when we're looking for reasons to keep drinking, we look for support in our twisted thinking/rationalizations. I know from my own experience that ANY sort of encouragement for drinking - whether intentional or unintentional - will keep me on that rollercoaster because "so-and-so said so." We are all here because we want a sober life. We want to learn from others who are or have been where we are. Sometimes we need hugs and encouragement ... other times, we need a slap in the face and some tough love. I know that I would have never gotten this far without the support of this forum and the sage advice I've received here. Dee, Hevyn, Anna, Artsoul, and the other staff as well as all of you have been a vital part in my recovery. And that's because you have been HONEST ... sometimes the truth hurts but in the end it is what we need.

I have never meant to hurt or demean anyone with my posts here. I truly only want to help everyone here where I can. I'm definitely not perfect and I have to work my sobriety every single day. If I've ever given anyone here the impression that I am judgmental, self-righteous or overly critical, please forgive me. I'm still working out my own sober life and sometimes things people say can trigger stupid, irrational stuff from my own past. It has nothing to do with any of you - it's me. If I've ever hurt anyone here, I apologize ... it was not my intention. I'm still newly sober, still hurting, still raw myself but it helps me to help you where I can. That's all I want to do. If I can be of any support to any of you, it is a huge blessing to me.

So ... I guess all I want to say is keep fighting the good fight. We all have the same ultimate goal, even if we have different paths to get there. I care about ALL of you and if there is every anything I can do to help/encourage you, I am here. I'm fighting my own demons every day, so I know what it's like. This forum is a godsend for so many of us and I am so grateful to be a part of it and to be a part of all of your journeys. It is such a privilege. I am grateful for the support I've received here and I can only hope and pray that I can be even the smallest support to all of you. This is a big thing we're doing and we can't do it alone. Let's do it together, no matter what our differences are as far as recovery programs, backgrounds, drinking careers, etc. We are all human, after all. That's what gives us our common ground. We're in this together.

Keep on keepin' on. Love you.

Dee74

I think most of us don't have a problem telling it like it is

I try to check my motivations tho - if it's less about the poster I'm posting to, and more about me and my reactions/emotions/expectations/fears I'll know that - & I'll wait a while before posting - sometimes I'll edit, sometimes I'll decide I don't need to post at all.

I'm always honest - but I try to be honest in a positive way, not a negative one.

Like I've said before, if we're running people off the board here then, honest or not, we're not really doing our job

I'm sorry if you felt you were wrist slapped DS. That was not my intent.

This is a moderated board and sometimes I or the other mods are going to do things like pulling posts that people won't always agree with or be upset by.

We take the job very seriously and I hope you'll trust us that we're doing what we believe is the right thing

I think it's best now to chalk that one post up to experience and move on

D

Leemzer

I agree, Dee, but a very close relative recently told me, "You cannot divulge all of these intimate parts of your life to me and solicit advice but then get upset when it is not the advice you want to hear. If I am investing in you, and spend hours talking with you about issues, I think this earns me the right to speak my mind. Otherwise it is not authentic communication, it is just using me as a sounding board which is unfair."

We all are a "family" around here, and though we have to tread lightly with our words, sometimes "family" has to call each other out when it is helpful. Especially when others continually solicit for advice. Sometimes the truth hurts. It does. But sometimes the truth is what we NEED to hear. HOW we share this with others, now, has to be reasonable, I agree.....Just my $.02

Have a great night, everyone!
Lee

soberred

I have not read the posts you speak of. I do know that I have posted things I regret as well. Never my intention to hurt or upset anyone. Don't fret about it. We have to learn how to forgive ourselves. Congrats on 90days.

choublak

Communication is receiver-based. It happens on here.

SOBERINNEPA

I've come to think of you as my cranky aunt.

And I always appreciate your posts.

Congratulations on 90!

desertsong

Your cranky aunt? LOL!! I didn't think I was THAT cranky, but you may be right! Ha!

Thanks for the laugh.

Duke10

Always difficult to type what exactly your feeling. It is kind of like sending texts, sometimes things just come out wrong. I look at the intent. If your intent was good then lesson learned and move on. Great job on 90 days.

2granddaughters

desertsong, I always tell folks to take my advice ..... I'm usually not using it.

All the best.

Bob R