headstrong

June 8th will be six months sober for me. I have been busy finding and moving into an apartment. I jump at every chance I get to see my daughter on the weekends. And just every day life has given me an excuse to not go to AA. I no longer have a desire to drink, but I also don't have a desire to work the program either. I don't consider myself a dry drunk. I'm just on cruise control at the moment.

Part of why I'm having a problem attending AA is that I am agnostic at best and don't see a way to do steps 2 and 3. I have used the group and my daughter as a HP in the past, but something just isn't clicking. I come here to be reminded of why I'm not drinking any longer, which is what AA also did for me.

I've spent a lot of time reading the Family and Friends forum to see the other side of the equation, and it frankly depresses me. I'm not that guy relapsing every few months any longer, lying, cheating, hiding alcohol, or whatever else I used to do. I'm also not in a relationship, so there really isn't a need to do any of that. I do live with my aunt which is keenly aware of my problem. She has a glass of wine with dinner most nights, hard alcohol in the cabinet, and beer in the fridge and still have little/no desire to imbibe. That is partly why I need to get out and move into my own apartment. I'm just tired of seeing it and reminded of my past.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has been on cruise control before. What did you do to snap out of it? I know I really need to work the program, but it is hard right now.

Gerbosko

Another person from Wisconsin! You're out numbering me now lol. I use to live in Wisconsin.

Anyways. I have never been to AA or worked "the program". I have only used SR as a support system. I'm atheist, but I really don't make a big deal about it nor would it really stop me from seeking help if I needed it. I've been sober for a little over 7 months. I'm single and living on my own, during my early sobriety, I was living with horrible roommates that did drink on occasion but it didn't bother me either. Living on your own where you can control what comes in and out of your house is so much nicer than living with others where you never know what's going on.

Zencat

I don't know if I can help with the 'cruse control' issue. I can give you some insight about working step 2 and 3 from an atheist perspective.

My worldview did not get me stinking drunk, my inability to control my alcohol consumption did. When I accepted that reality I was able to recover. There are many ways to a God or HP of ones understanding, the most effective one for me is 'reality'. I cant change the law of cause and effect. Once I pick up the first drink I'm totally screwed. Accepting the reality of my situation I have came to believe a power greater than me. Committing to live in accordance with the reality 'I can not drink' is a God (Good orderly direction) thing.

Below are some links to what other agnostics/atheist have found to help them work AA 12-Steps. I hope I was able to help.

Agnostic AA 12 Steps
AA Agnostic London South & Home Counties
An Atheist's Guide to Twelve-Step Recovery from Substance Addiction
AA Agnostics of the San Franscisco Bay Area

Dee74

Hi Headstrong

you obviously feel as you're missing something in not using AA any more...

I'm sure you'll get more advice here - maybe also looking in at our secular 12 step forum could help you to work out your inner conflicts with AA?

D

jobei

Hmm good post. I'll take "cruise control" over "driving off the road" anytime.

Duke10

I also had a problem with AA but am reading the big book and find that much easier then going to a meeting. I have been to 3-4. They were ok and I get it but at the end of the day it is up to you. I think you have a void in your life. What can you fill it with? Hobby, volunteer work, something that keeps your mind busy. You have made it so far and you are my hero since I am not even close to you. Best of luck.

Soberween

When I hear "cruise control" I think of "complacency." I've been to a few AA meetings where they said when you were feel complacent that you needed to "come place" your arse in a seat at an AA meeting. So I guess what I am saying is don't get too comfortable in your sobriety and take it for granted because it will be an effort on some level probably for the rest of you life.

tomsteve

theres a very good chapter in the BB titled"we agnostics." ya know, i bet iffen ya hit a few meetings and brought this up, you will find a few people that were in your shoes at one time.
i have been on cruise control. using what i learned yesterday to keep me sober today instead of working to maintain and advance my situation. it had me heading to a drink, but i wouldnt admit it at the time.

sugarbear1

Have you spoken with other Agnostics at the AA meetings? There are many in my area, I don't know about yours, but networking with others in recovery is how to find out.

If life is wonderful without drinking and you aren't obsessing, then there may not be any problem as long as you don't drink. You may not be a real alcoholic, maybe you are, who knows?

When life gets crappy, that is when it's time to work a program, before the relapse.

For me, it's not about believing in A god, it's about believing a power greater than I exists. I don't know what I am in terms of Agnosticism/Atheism, but something other than me is helping me stay stopped.

I wish you well! AA isn't for everyone. Just stay stopped!!

Peace,

2granddaughters

I had the same problem when I was in the Recovery Home in '89.

I asked the old Priest that ran the home what I should do as I was having a real problem with the "God" thing....... he said "Get on your knees and ask God to get to know him better".

Hope that helps. Helped me stay sober for nearly 23 yrs.

All the best.

Bob R

headstrong

Thanks for the great replies. I don't know if I am complacent, yet. I do feel like something is missing in my life. For the first time in 20 years I have not had a girlfriend, fiance, or wife. I do have my 18 month old daughter whom I love dearly. I am up to one day a week, so things are improving there. So there is a big void in my life right now. Living with my aunt helps as I have someone to talk to. She is a nurse practitioner in the mental health field. She has been a huge help in my recovery. I couldn't begin to thank her enough. But I will soon be in my apartment alone. So that kind of scares me a bit.

I'll check out the atheist/agnostic links. I guess I am a little hesitant to bring that up during meetings. I would like to get a sponsor, but we would really have to click. I know that everyone in the room has at least one thing in common. But for me to really open up to a complete stranger isn't going to happen overnight. I was getting to the point where I knew the names of most of the people in the meetings. Even then I didn't find anyone with enough sobriety that I thought would be a good match. I am moving about 20 miles from where I am and will need to find a new home group. So I'll see what happens then.