Duke10

I was sure I was going to make it this time. I was depressed but still thought I could muscle my way through. I was wrong. I drank at a funeral, yeah it is an excuse but not and excuse. Crap!!! Now I need to start all over again. To be honest I told my wife to just leave me. I feel like I am too much of a mess. Drunk at a funeral, nice.

GracieJane

Yep, we've all done it (or most of us, anyway), and I'm going to say what everyone else said to me: Beating yourself up is not the way. The way is to accept, to learn and to move forward with something new for coping. Do not accept defeat. You see my join date? It's taken me that long to achieve 2 months sober. But each time I slipped I also found I was abstinent for longer and longer periods of time. Now I recognize the thoughts and feelings that are dangerous territory and I have contingency plans for steering away from or getting out of the danger. I highly recommend the book "Changing for Good." For me, it really shed bright light on the whole process.

Payton

Time to move forward. What kind of support system do you have in place?

keepfinding2

Agree with payton. The time is now. Time to move forward.

Duke10

Thanks Garcie. Just ordered the book from Amazon. I am also reading the Big Book from AA. My wife does not understand my struggles. She is a pack a day smoker and I told her to stop today and she how she does!! It will never happen. Today I am just angry. At least with only one day I do not have to go through withdrawal again but it still makes me mad.

LoftyIdeals

I just finished Changing for Good and found it a great complement to the Big Book. They kind of attack the problem from different angles; spiritual for AA, and REBT for Changing for Good. I think the two methods complement one another, cause we're all spiritual and thinking individuals, at the same time.

Stick with it Duke! You can do this!

Gerbosko

Duke, don't take your anger out on others. You're making your own decision to quit drinking and your wife will make her own decision to quit smoking. Pushing your anger onto other people is very destructive and will only leave you lonely and cold.

Duke10

Love your picture Lofty!! I have a silver lab. My best friend right now. Most people have given up on me but I refuse to give up on myself. Felt terrible this morning but have spent 2 hours on this website and am determined to get back at it. The physical recovery is over, went through withdrawal. Now just my emotional attachment to my best friend AL has to be finished.

Godzilla

Don't give up.

Jeni26

So sorry to hear that. All is not lost. Loads of people slip up in the beginning and learn from it. This can just be a blip. Get back on track, we're all rooting for you. Big hugs sent your way xxx

IndaMiricale

I relapsed many times. You can do it, just keep working at it. For me I need my AA and each time really dug deep to figure why I chose to put the to my lips knowing full well what would happen.

SSIL75

Is IP rehab and option for you, Duke?

Duke10

No, not really. My job would make that very tough. I talked to my children about that option and they freaked out. It is my second relapse. I just need to get back in the saddle and keep working on it. I know I can do this. I am so close and want to so bad.

Weasel1966

Duke relapse is part of the overall recovery process. Who here has learned it all the first time.

I would love to hear in your posts that your family is super supportive. But that does not ring true. Even if everyone does not understand or freaks out that should not deter you.

For every person that freaks out you can rest assured you have 100 here who are here for you. People react positively to your posts.

Sobriety can be a zig zag road but the scenic route will still get you there.

Ken

Duke10

I will get there!!

Jitterbugg

It happens to the best of us Duke. Get a hold of your wits and start again!

Gerbosko

You'll do fine Duke, you have the dedication and desire to quit. Sorry for my post above but I was kind of upset that you'd say that to your wife.

You have the amazing group of people here at SR for support and we all want to see you succeed. You'll have several months of sobriety in no time and you'll look back and be thankful that you made this decision.

Best of luck to you.

Programmatic

I suggest a speaker CD titled, "Relapse Prevention" by Chris Raymer.

That will pretty much sum up my entire perspective on relapse and how not to do it.

Duke10

It just sucks to have 9 days under your belt and screw up. Wish I could have yesterday back and then I would be in double digits! It makes me mad.

On one cool note, Donald Driver, my home boy won DWTS!! I actually caught him once after he scored a touchdown and did the Lambeau Leap right in my lap!

Gerbosko

Donald Driver rocks! I found out today he won DWTS! I went to Lambeau Field a longgggg time ago for a Packers game. Favre was the quarterback and Reggie White was still alive.. I saw Reggie sack the quarterback, the whole stadium went nuts. I lived in Wisconsin almost my whole life and I'm a huge Packers fan, what I would give to go there again! You're lucky with getting to catch a Lambeau Leap player, especially Driver.

I relapsed on my first attempt, back when I was age 25 or so, I was two months sober and blew it completely away by drinking an entire 6 pack in basically one sitting. I was in a bad family situation and had no support to help me through tough times. This current sobriety for me is the "nail in the coffin" - I have SR and absolutely no desire to ever drink in my life again.