jeffeypoo

Got my second dwi this past weekend, a definite wake up call. I could list all of my life drama which is definitely a contributing factor, but regardless I still drank and drove. I guess I am just in the frame of obviously I need to make a change, but I'm so overwhelmed by everything I have to deal with right now I just need some kind words of encouragement.

My first question is are there any programs or meetings for alcoholism that are NOT religious? I am an atheist, and from my understanding AA and NA require you to admit you are powerless and look to a higher power, which I obviously have issues with. In addition to that I'm not the "traditional" alcoholic, I'm more of a binge drinker (not saying either is better or worse I'm fully aware they are both serious forms of alcoholism) but I feel most programs are geared towards someone who wakes up and is dying for a drink. I can go weeks sometimes without drinking, but when I do just don't know when to stop. Obviously my brain chemistry can't handle drinking so I need to stop completely, but just looking for a support group that fits my situation a little better.

Now the biggest question, how ****** am I? I am one of the many that is a recent college graduate with good grades but no experience so I get passed over for pretty much any job for a person who has years of experience. Now that I will have two DWI's under my belt am I destined to be a fry cook the rest of my life? I actually just finished up all the pre requisites to go to a community college program for Radiation Therapy and was put on a waiting list. Should I not even bother with that? Would anyone ever hire anyone in the Health Care field with 2 dwi's? Trying to be optimistic but realistic at the same time. I'm gonna have to beg and borrow just to get out of this dwi, don't wanna rack up more student loans if there is no hope of a decent job upon graduation...

Anyway thanks for any help you can provide, just feeling super lost and depressed right now.

IndaMiricale

Sorry to hear about you dui. I myself have been arrested for four of them and I truly can say the last one was a blessing

As for AA it is not a religous program, simply spiritual. A higher power has nothing to do with organized religion. Work on staying sober and all those other worries, things will fall into place.

EXM6

Hey Jeff,

I totally get how you're feeling right now. I have managed to screw my life up as well. I am also a binge drinker and have realised my discomfort with AA due to my beliefs. While saying that, I've never actually been to a meeting however -- making my every day life about abstaining from alcohol makes me worrisome that I'll become obsessed -- when I didn't actually obsess about drinking every day to begin with.

I know where I live, we have one on one counselling for addiction as well as groups. They encourage AA, but there is definitely no force to go. For myself, after two charges and losing my career which I JUST started... I have decided to get myself on a waiting list for treatment. I luckily, however, live in Canada where things like that are free. I don't know where you are from or how paying for anything works.

I don't think you've ruined your life, which trust me, being in a similar situation -- that's very hard for me to believe when I say it... but I just do. In a different post, a few of us were just talking about how LONNNNG life really is. While it won't fall back in to place as quickly as you may like -- it can happen again. Just think -- if you were to live to be 75 and are under 38... You still have more than HALF of your life left. That's more time than you've already had -- doing all the great things you've already done.

I would never recommend you give up on your goals. Life has a funny way of working out, especially if we're willing to put ourselves out there and go get it.

awuh1

First, in my opinion, you need more than just encouragement and support. You need a “program” or a “method”. Something that has been shown to work. AVRT SMART and AA all qualify. You can learn more about them all on this site.

Second AA does not require anything except for a desire to stop drinking. AA is a spiritual program not a religious one. If you are like I was in the beginning, you do not understand this now, but that’s ok. Just keep an open mind. AA does not require you to do or even believe anything. There is lots of face to face support with people who understand what it’s like in the meetings.

Third, you are describing yourself as a traditional alcoholic. You don't need to drink daily or have a desire to drink the morning after. As alcoholics, we both "have one symptom in common:” we “cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving." (Alcoholics Anonymous” first edition.) We cannot have just one drink without wanting yet another.

Best wishes for your recovery.

hypochondriac

Welcome jeffeypoo

I totally understand what you mean...I'm an atheist too and have always had a problem with AA. From hanging around here though I have discovered that I actually had a lot of misconceptions about AA and I think it could actually be adaptable to suit me. I now see the powerless thing as just an acceptance of my alcoholism and any reference to a higher power as an acceptance that I am not the centre of the universe!

I'm not in AA yet however and actually started out with AVRT which given your situation will probably really suit you. My anti AA stance certainly made it more attractive to me too. There is also SMART and secular 12 step groups too. That's the limit of my knowledge on these things...

Regarding the work thing...I was listening to a guy on the radio this morning who was a very successful entrepreneur. He'd completely messed up his chances of having a normal job by making fake ID cards in college but in a way he attributed that to his success. No relevance really, just a demonstration that your DUI doesn't have to be the end all.

Glad your getting on the sober path x

Dee74

Welcome Jeffey

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

Jitterbugg

Hi jeffeypoo,
I have one DUI and it has been a problem as far as job offers, but it's been over 5 years and I am in the process of getting pardoned. Have you looked into the pardon process where you live? You have youth on your side and your entire working-life ahead of you.

joecards

As far as your dwi record, it affects a background check. Jobs in transpotation or requiring security clerance would definitely be affected. Step 1 is stay sober and don't drive drunk. Step 2 is contacting a lawyer regarding getting the records expunged. It might take a few years but you can rebuild your reputation if you stay on the right side of the law.

jeffeypoo

Thanks everyone. I am looking into secular programs, I realize AA has helped many but I would be so opposed to it and so paranoid about the dogma that it would be more trouble to me than it is worth. Even "spiritual" to me implies that I am not in full control of my actions, which if that is the case I don't see much point in living.

So far as the expungement process I've already looked into that and it is not an option in NC. You can file forms after a few years to get a pardon from the governor, but the dwi still remains on your record so I don't really see much point in pursuing that.

Guess I will just have to stay clean and sober and hope that maybe when I go to court my officer will have transferred or isn't present or some other technicality allows me to get out of it (legal wise, I realize I have work to do myself for the over drinking).

Has anyone tried the moderation management process? I would post the link but since I'm new it won't allow me. It seems much more logical and science based to me.

awuh1

Sorry to say Jeff, but IMO, you got it wrong again. Thats ok, lots of folks have trouble giving up their predjudices. Here is a quote that might help in that regard.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”

Best wishes

akazia21

I have 3 Dui's under my belt and was able to be hired after graduating in the teaching field which requires a strict criminal background check. I did nine months in jail on my third DUI and I still got hired as a teacher, so don't give up hope of finding a decent job! Hope this makes you feel a little bit better I'm also an atheist, but the whole concept of a higher power is not necessarily a religious thing as others have mentioned. AA helps me a lot, if nothing else it is nice to have a network of other people that do not drink either.

Dee74

I have no experience with Moderation Management, but I know they require a period of complete abtinence - 30 days I think.

I have to say after reading your post, I'm concerned you'd still want to try to moderate with two dwis already Jeff?

There are many ways up the mountain, for sure - and many ways outside the 12 steps too - but pick a good path, man - cos your future depends on it.

D

Zencat

Welcome to SR jeffeypoo.

Although AA is not religious in the traditional sense of the word, it is however more akin to mystical spirituality because of the reliance on the supernatural to recover from alcoholism. As an atheist myself and a AA member, I do away with the quasi-religious practices in AA like prayer, faith and the supernatural. Instead I focus my energy (a naturalistic spirituality) on maintaining my sobriety.

The good news is, you can be rid of your alcohol problems as an atheist in AA or go a secular route for lasting sobriety. Below are some secular recovery programs, as you requested.
Also sticking around here at SR, reading, writing, giving and getting support is another way to recover. Whatever you choose to do, give it your best effort, you can live life alcohol free and be happy about it.

jeffeypoo

Zen, I'm aware of the 30 days of abstinence and I want to do that and see where it leads me. I have no desire to drink now, but thinking long term I find it healthier for me to learn how to have 2 beers at that holiday party say I don't want anymore and leave than to never have a drink. For me that means I have become a stronger person and am totally in control of myself (since I am not spiritual that is the ultimate goal regardless). I know it's a weird way of thinking, I just want to learn to have better self control. Right now drinking can't be any part of that and I intend to do the 30 day abstinence program at the LEAST. I just can't bring myself to admit I have a disease or I can only be helped by a higher power, that seems like a cop out to me.

Zencat

I would stay away from moderation management. Take a look at you history with alcohol, have you had good results from just drinking one drink and then stopping on a consistent basis?

I hope you decide on a good course of action to take with your life. Hang in there I can get better.

Zencat

You don't have to admit anything, you recognized there is a need for change and you're pursuing some healthy options. Sounds good so far.

artsoul

Welcome Jeffreypoo!

I think coming here and committing to 30 days sober is a great start (maybe consulting with a lawyer about the dwi, too). Glad you're here - it helps to know others have gone through the same things we have!

MemphisBlues

You are young, got two drunk-driving arrests, and I hope you realize that you don't have to be powerless over anything but alcohol to grasp the first step in finding a way to live sober. You want the ability to have two beers, but I would ask you to reflect back on when that was last possible.

I hate to say this, but if you are considering a moderation plan, it doesn't really sound like you are in tune with the fact that you are powerless over alcohol. Look at the consequences you have racked up so far: two arrests that now make you wonder if an education in radiation therapy is even an option for you because you may or may not be able to get a job in that field in the future.

Yet you still seek a program of quasi recovery that would enable you to control you drinking.

You remind me of myself. I, too, was a binge drinker, then a maintenance drinker, than a what-the-hell-it-doesn't-matter drinker.

The consequences to my drinking never involved arrest; I was just the lucky stoned drunk on the road driving cross country with a beer between my legs rolling a joint steering with my knees jamming to Widespread Panic happy as **** because I had another 12 pack chilling in the cooler in the back seat. Amazing that I didn't kill anyone.

I tried AA around your age, and no way was I gong to buy into the disease model of addiction or that a higher power could stop my drinking or that I was powerless over anything.

Today, I do AA and..hang on, let me check...586 days sober...and I know for a fact I am powerless over alcohol. If I take one drink, I am sure I could handle it. I could probably have three beers and walk away, maybe for a few days.

But I have been around this recovery business to know I have not met a single human who has a drinking problem who can stop for a year, 10 years, 25 years, have that one drink and not end up on the skids. I call that being powerless.

I hope you would look into a program of recovery of some sort, be it SMART, AVRT, or AA. And as far as being an atheist and walking into an AA meeting, chances are if you claimed a chair all you have to do to find another atheist is to look at the person sitting to the right of you or to the left.

DayTrader

One of my sponsees is an athiest...... no God at all for him. That didn't prevent him from taking the two "God steps" (2 and 3) that hit ya right out of the gate.

There are alternatives though.....which others have covered quite well above.

Dee74

Every single person here would like to 'learn' that, if not now, certainly at some time in their history.

Most of us found it was an completely unlearnable skill, I'm afraid.

Once I drink alcohol, it changes me - all my good intent goes out the window and all I want is *more*.

If thats you too, I really recommend a re-think on moderation.

D