Hooked up with my sponsor's long-term ex-boyfriend ...
I'm currently in rehab, I get out on Friday. While I have been here I've done my fourth step. I discovered that I'm very insecure and afraid of my recovery journey, to the point where clinging to virtual strangers seems like a good option. I'm very ashamed and filled with remorse concerning my behavior toward my sponsor and her ex boyfriend. I can see now that I really hurt my sponsor with my selfish desires, and I put her ex in a joyless position. I know I owe these people amends, I pray for answers each day. I meditate so I can distance myself from the sexual obsession I have with him. I am grateful for this series of events because I have learnt a lot about myself. I've been humbled by the steps and the input of others, I can truly feel my foolish and weak self will starting to melt away inside of me.
Work on yourself as u say u are and u will become the woman he would want to be with. And then u may even have 100 to choose from! Your young, u have plenty of time. Get well and u may even forget about him, our thoughts can't be trusted in early recovery. I'm there at the moment too and from one day to the next my thoughts and feelings change about the things going on in my life. All the best hun, stay sober, 2 months is great!!!
I'm currently in rehab, I get out on Friday. While I have been here I've done my fourth step. I discovered that I'm very insecure and afraid of my recovery journey, to the point where clinging to virtual strangers seems like a good option. I'm very ashamed and filled with remorse concerning my behavior toward my sponsor and her ex boyfriend. I can see now that I really hurt my sponsor with my selfish desires, and I put her ex in a joyless position. I know I owe these people amends, I pray for answers each day. I meditate so I can distance myself from the sexual obsession I have with him. I am grateful for this series of events because I have learnt a lot about myself. I've been humbled by the steps and the input of others, I can truly feel my foolish and weak self will starting to melt away inside of me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Spring Texas
Posts: 62
You know that there are many things here that you are not seeing: For one you went out seeking SOBRIETY not a man. And obviously there is something more important to this man than you and that's HIS sobriety. You need to snap and see that your addiction is trying to distract you and think that you are in love with this man. What you are probably in love with is HIS SOBRIETY. What is it - Do you think that he his going to help you get sober? Cause the answer to that question is NO ONE can get you sober BUT YOURSELF. You are not only jeapordizing your sobriety by inviting feelings of rejection but YOU are also jeapordizing HIS sobrietyand your ex sponsors sobriety. The stress of not knowing how to make you see that he is just not interested in you at this time can be a trigger for him. C'mon now think of all the hard work it takes to stay sober. Almost anything can trigger someone. Back off of him and you need to find your sobriety instead of gazing and coveting other peoples sobriety. No one can't do it for you. And the poor sponsor that you had no respect for by even making advances to her ex mate is totally heartless....she tried to help you and you might have just thrown her off the boat. Be considerate of others and their struggle to stay sober. Really you need to read the twelve steps. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 27
I have not been able to do step 5 because the person I want to confide in isn't here at rehab with me. I'm glad I have this delay between steps 4 and 5 because my inventory is quite thorough, it has been a very overwhelming process. I can hardly believe I was able to admit all of my liabilities to myself in this way. No amount of psychiatry or medical assessment could point out my defects as well as I have in the last two weeks. I have been brutally honest with myself. It's incredible. I owe it all to the 12 and 12 book. I'm very excited to get back home and reconnect with meetings in my area and find a new sponsor. Thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I have not been able to do step 5 because the person I want to confide in isn't here at rehab with me. I'm glad I have this delay between steps 4 and 5 because my inventory is quite thorough, it has been a very overwhelming process. I can hardly believe I was able to admit all of my liabilities to myself in this way. No amount of psychiatry or medical assessment could point out my defects as well as I have in the last two weeks. I have been brutally honest with myself. It's incredible. I owe it all to the 12 and 12 book. I'm very excited to get back home and reconnect with meetings in my area and find a new sponsor. Thanks for the support.
Working on ourselves isn't always easy (or fun), but I believe that challenges like this can help us get to know ourselves and change for the better... I think it's awesome that you seem to be willing to step back and look at this in a new way - getting honest with ourselves can only result in a healthier us!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Spring Texas
Posts: 62
Really good to see that you are doing so well in yur rehab therapy. I send my hugs to you and a big cheer because I too was once in rehab , 4 years ago and it was there that I was brutally honest with myself and what I had done to myself. Its something to feel all the emotions but it feels so good to get it all out and you just feel so renewed. Also with the learning that the 12 steps bring is just added greatfulness. You're a strong person...that's a good thing. Keep up the good work and learn all you can about yourself and recovery. It's all up to you. You're there getting the help you need and I am very happy for you. Taking all the right steps. Hugs and prayers to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
I think it was wrong to say that you were not crazy, when someone suggested you needed help from a professional therapist. No one said you were crazy--they said you needed help.
Please look back at what you wrote in this thread. You sent a thousand messages to someone and harassed him to the point that he called the police, yet you still believe you stand a chance with him. If it were someone else who recounted this, what would you say to that person?
Notice, how you solicit feedback and then dismiss the feedback that differs from what you wanted to hear. You even at some points tell people what feedback they should have given instead. At no point that I saw, do you ever entertain a notion that you did not already have when you began. Again, I suggest looking at this as if it were someone else that had written here instead of yourself. What you you say to that person?
I bet you agree with everything you wrote in your original post. What do you think that means?
Please look back at what you wrote in this thread. You sent a thousand messages to someone and harassed him to the point that he called the police, yet you still believe you stand a chance with him. If it were someone else who recounted this, what would you say to that person?
Notice, how you solicit feedback and then dismiss the feedback that differs from what you wanted to hear. You even at some points tell people what feedback they should have given instead. At no point that I saw, do you ever entertain a notion that you did not already have when you began. Again, I suggest looking at this as if it were someone else that had written here instead of yourself. What you you say to that person?
I bet you agree with everything you wrote in your original post. What do you think that means?
I have not been able to do step 5 because the person I want to confide in isn't here at rehab with me. I'm glad I have this delay between steps 4 and 5 because my inventory is quite thorough, it has been a very overwhelming process. I can hardly believe I was able to admit all of my liabilities to myself in this way. No amount of psychiatry or medical assessment could point out my defects as well as I have in the last two weeks. I have been brutally honest with myself. It's incredible. I owe it all to the 12 and 12 book. I'm very excited to get back home and reconnect with meetings in my area and find a new sponsor. Thanks for the support.
I really hope you work your 5th step with someone who works the steps of AA and understands the process. This is where you will see how you can change....
You are lucky to have access to the internet in rehab, mine wouldn't even allow cell phones and very little contact with the outside world as our focus was on the rehab process.
See you in chat when you return!
Hugs,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)